Page 85 of Fourth and Long

I think I broke his heart. I certainly broke my own.

TWENTY-SEVEN

SLATER

I’m numb as I leave the hotel, and it feels like I’m walking through fog.

When Celeste told me she saw Ellie, I was the happiest I’ve been in forever. It was as if my life was finally aligning itself. My first game was almost perfect, and my girl had come to watch me.

Could my day get any better?

I practically skipped on my way to see Ellie.

I didn’t question why she’d come to the game without telling me. It didn’t occur to me that she wouldn’t be happy to see me. Or that I’d made her feel like she was a distraction.

I was too excited to wonder about anything.

I’m not excited now. How is it that I didn’t even think about asking her to come to my game? Why did I simply accept that I wouldn’t see her again until the season was over? Why didn’t it occur to me that she never initiates our conversations? Why didn’t I tell her how much she means to me?

The hollow feeling in my chest refuses to dissipate when I get back to my condo.

I let it sit there because I deserve it. I feel like such an idiot because she’s partly right—I was keeping her in my life on my terms.

I go over our conversation again and again.

I’m not good enough at relationships to know if what we had is salvageable. Can I give her more? Will it be enough if I do?

What if I try and still screw everything up?

I start to go back to her hotel a dozen times, but I never make it out the door. She asked me to leave, and I can’t barrel back into her life unless I figure out how to fix things.

She needs to feel like she matters to me and that she isn’t a distraction. But I still need to be able to give a hundred and ten percent to the team. It seems like an impossible balance.

I pick up my phone and call the only person I can think of who might understand. Hopefully Amber will have an idea for what I should do.

She answers on the third ring. “You won,” she sings into the phone.

I almost laugh because I’ve barely thought about the win. “Were you watching?”

“No. My dad told me. He thinks it’s the best you’ve looked in years.”

“Yeah. We’re a good team. These guys are solid and talented.”

“Then why don’t you sound happier?”

She knows me too well. “Ellie came to the game.”

“And that made you unhappy?”

“Kind of. She…um…broke up with me.”

“Really?” Amber’s tone sharpens. “I didn’t know you were dating. Last I heard, you were just friends.”

Well, hell. It seems the only person who thinks I’m serious about Ellie is me. It’s a hard truth to accept. It also highlights how completely I’ve bungled everything since I signed with Sacramento. “We’ve been seeing each other since Valentine’s Day.”

“What?” Amber sputters. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. It’s been months.”

“You’ve been busy.” She had a baby. “I’ve been busy.” Playing football.