Page 98 of Fortune's Blade

I started to go again, and again, his grip was iron. And this time, so was the expression in his eyes. It wasn’t pleased and I couldn’t blame him.

He took a hit well, but that didn’t mean he enjoyed it. And I had never done that before, never crossed that line unless we were sparring and we’d both agreed to it. And now I had something else to be ashamed of.

“You have nothing to be ashamed of,” he told me, pulling me in, comforting me when that was the last thing I wanted.

“Stop listening to my thoughts!”

“You were projecting.”

“Yeah, I bet!” I was a wreck tonight.

I was a wreck every night.

“Why do you do that?” he demanded angrily. “You have done nothing wrong since we came here—”

“I’ve done nothing right or we’d have her back!” I struggled against his hold and went nowhere. It was maddening! “And in case you forgot, I’m the dumbass who charged Steen. I should have died for that alone!”

“But you didn’t.” The touch was gentle but the voice was sharp. “You got a knife in him instead, outplaying him on his own turf, and then killed his subordinate who attacked you. And since then, you have shored up the very shaky alliance of the senate with the dragon lords, and indeed have expanded it.

“I’d say that was rather good for a ‘dumbass’.”

“Because I got lucky! I don’t know what I’m doing—”

“And you think the rest of us do?” He pulled back so that he could look at me, and after a moment of searching my face, his head tilted as if he’d figured something out. “But that’s the problem, isn’t it?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about the life the rest of us lead. You have never done that, have you? Never been forced to rely on your wits—”

“I’ve done nothing but rely on my wits!”

“—with no one to back you up if you were wrong. You’ve never had to live knowing that any wrong move could be the end. Dorina was always there to pick up the slack—is that the term?”

It was the term, and it was also bullshit!

“I didn’t know about her for years!” I reminded him, stung. “I thought I was crazy when she came out, thought I was more vulnerable than everyone else as a result, had to arm myself to the teeth and take all kinds of added precautions in case I went nuts in a fight! But I did okay—”

“Did you?” he looked skeptical, maybe because the bruise on his cheek was swelling slightly, and changing color.

We matched now, I thought, which only made me feel worse. And then angrier, although who I was mad at, I couldn’t have said. Me, him, or the whole damned miserable excuse for a world that was Faerie!

“You’re damned right I did!” I snapped. “I learned to buy the magic I couldn’t make and to fight with human and well as magical weapons. The senate is talking about making me weapons master now that that idiot Geminus is dead, because I know so much more about them than anybody else ever bothered to learn. Because they didn’t need them, but I did, and I made sure—”

I stopped, because he was smirking at me.

And I belatedly realized that I’d been played.

“That’s on Earth,” I reminded him, scowling. “And I case you didn’t notice, I’m out of weapons! I have nothing here!”

“You have you,” he said, hugging me again. “You are a weapon, and a better one than you know. And you are forgetting one other very important thing.”

“And what the hell is that?”

“You have me.” It was said with a simple dignity that stopped me, as nothing else had. “Dorina is currently missing, yes, but I am not. And we are a team, non?”

“Yes, but—”

“And I thought a fairly good one.” He pulled back again to regard me soberly. “I am not Dorina. She has abilities that I do not and will never understand. But what I do possess, so do you. I will never leave you, Dory. I will always be here, as she was. And together, we will find her.”