Page 3 of Forsaking His Mate (The Wolves of Black Mountain #1)

Chapter 3

Tessa

I get out of the car and wait for Hester to do the same. The woman she called Apryle is watching me with a mix of curiosity and suspicion.

I don’t blame her for that. I am a stranger to her, one with hunters on her tail to boot.

Discretely, I sniff the air. I can smell her from here. Her magic isn’t as strong as Hester’s, but it’s there, tingling beneath the surface.

My wolf’s ears are up, her body stiff and on alert, which makes me nervous, even though I’m not sure I have anything to fear.

Hester wouldn’t have brought me here if there was danger, right?

I urge my wolf to calm down as I force my smile to remain painted on my lips.

“You found her,” Apryle says.

“Let’s get inside.” Hester moves up the steps to the porch and I follow her, my eyes crawling up the front of the house as I do.

Everything I know is gone. My father, my pack, my friends.

I was loved and I loved them, too. I guess this is home now, or at least for as long as Hester will let me stay.

The urge to seek comfort from my pack has me reaching for the bond, but it’s no longer there. There’s an emptiness instead, a hollow sensation that sits heavily in my gut.

I swallow down the pain it brings, and the sense of loneliness too.

Neither myself nor my wolf has ever been alone like this, which is why she’s whimpering and circling inside my mind, desperately wanting to be set free.

Apryle steps aside to let me into the house and comes in behind me, closing the door.

My gaze is everywhere as I’m ushered into the hallway. It looks like any normal home.

There’s a large living room to the right with a sectional couch, plush cushions sitting against the backrest, a big screen TV, and a solid wood coffee table.

Stairs in front of me go up to the next floor, and there’s a dining room to the left with a table long enough to seat at least fourteen.

It seems homey, which surprises me. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but this is not it.

Hester goes into the living room and sinks onto the couch, huffing out a breath.

“Will the hunters follow us here?” I ask, unable to keep the fear from my voice.

“They won’t be able to find us because of the wards.” She has mentioned these before, but I’m not entirely sure what a ward is.“Only people I want here can enter. Everyone at the sanctuary is like us—different, outcast.”

That eases some of the tension from my shoulders, settling the increasing tightness in my chest so I can breathe unchallenged. I am already responsible for the death of many of my pack; I don’t want the people here to suffer because of me.

I can’t stop my eyes from gravitating to Apryle as she stands in front of the unlit fireplace.

She is a tau wolf too, just as Hester is… just as I am.

This morning I had no idea what I was. Now, I’m surrounded by my kind.

I want desperately to ask her questions about how she came to be here, about her gifts, about her tau side, but I hold my tongue.

“We need to look at your back,” Hester says.

“It doesn’t hurt,” I say.

I can barely feel anything. Wolves heal faster than human, though I could never heal as fast as full-blooded wolf shifters.

“Let me see.”

Hester stands behind me and orders me to lift my shirt. I grab the hem and lift it high enough to give her a glimpse at my skin.

“You need a healer. We don’t have one here, though.”

Lowering my shirt, I turn to her. “I’ll heal in time.”

“Not as fast as you would with a healer,” she disagrees. “Lie on the couch, Tessa. I’ll do what I can for you. Apryle, grab the first aid kit.”

Apryle heads out of the room, leaving me with Hester. “It’s nice here,” I say.

“I spent many years making it that way. ”

“Why?”

“Because I was hunted for more years than I was free. I didn’t want others to suffer the same. Besides, we’re stronger when we’re together. Don’t you feel your magic increasing just from being here?”

I frown. Does my magic feel different? It throbs and pulses as I reach for it, but stronger? I’m not sure. “I can’t really control my magic,” I admit.

“We’ll teach you how, Tessa,” Hester tells me. “They say we are an abomination because we cannot shift. Other wolves think we are weak because of it, but it’s bullshit. I don’t need an animal to save me. Neither do you. You are of Revna’s line, just as I am. We only need the magic that beats within us. Lie down on the couch.”

I position myself so I’m lying face down among the cushions, but Hester’s words are rolling around in my mind.

I always felt weak because I couldn’t shift, because I wasn’t like the rest of my pack, but knowing I could be strong in another way makes my heart soar.

Hester pulls my shirt up as Apryle returns, holding a box. She places it on the couch behind me and disappears again.

When she returns, she’s carrying a bowl of water and a towel.

I tense as I wait for Hester to treat my injuries. The couch is soft against my cheek, but I feel vulnerable lying here like this.

“What else can tau wolves do?” I ask, suddenly curious.

“We have many powers and gifts, thanks to Revna’s blood,” Hester says.

I glance at Apryle, wondering what she can do.

She brushes her brown hair over her shoulder. “I can dream walk,” she says, as if she can read my mind.

Can she?

“You can just… wander into someone’s dreams?”

Apryle smirks. “Don’t worry; I won’t come into yours unless you ask me to.”

“The type of power we have varies from tau to tau.” Hester cleans my back with the wet towel. I flinch at the first touch, which sends a jolt of pain through my body. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” I say. “Just keep going.”

The pain in my back, which I hadn’t been able to feel before, has my teeth clenching together now. Whatever chemicals she’s using to clean the wounds burn like acid.

“Can any of you shift?” I ask through clenched teeth.

Hester blows out a breath. “The ability is latent in most of us, but it’s not impossible. There are tau wolves that can do it.”

Apryle shrugs. “I’ve tried so many times, but my wolf just can’t break free.”

Mine is the same, though she seems settled here, as if she knows we’re home. It’s a strange word to use; the pack was always my home.

I should have been shunned, rejected, turned away, but I was always treated well.

My father would not have allowed anything else.

“Papa tried to draw my wolf out at my first moon ceremony,” I explain. I don’t know why I tell them this, but the shame I usually feel when I discuss my latency doesn’t come. Maybe it is because these women understand what it’s like to have their wolf side trapped or because I feel like these people care about me, even after such a short amount of time .

“What happened?” Apryle asks.

I think back to that night. I repressed the memory for so long, but it’s there, if I delve deeply enough into the vaults of my mind. “It was…” Traumatic. Terrifying. I swallow the lump developing in my throat. “I’ve never felt pain like it.”

“I don’t know if Revna expected our inability to shift to be a side effect of her union with Torsten. I like to think she hoped we would have the strength of the wolf, but also the power of our magic,” Hester says.

“It would have made us stronger than any alpha,” Apryle says, a hint of bitterness in her words. “Then we could hunt them instead.”

Hester hushes her. “Revenge solves nothing.”

“Doesn’t it? They track us down with the purpose of ripping us apart like meat, but we shouldn’t seek revenge for that? How many tau wolves have they destroyed under the pretense of protecting the shifter bloodline?”

I lie quietly, not speaking as the air crackles between them. I wonder if this is an argument they have had before.

“Hunters are our enemies, not other wolves.”

“They’re all our enemies,” Apryle snarls.

“My pack cared about me,” I counter. “They were never cruel and they hid me, even knowing what it might cost them.”

“There are good wolves out there. Allies that we need. Hating everyone doesn’t solve anything.”

Apryle scoffs, but doesn’t say anything back. I seize the silence to ask, “Will I ever be able to see my father or my pack again?”

Hester doesn’t answer immediately, taking the time to keep securing gauze to my back. “It would be too dangerous for you to go to them. I’m sorry, Tessa. ”

Tears prick my eyes, but I don’t let them fall. I can’t because once I start, I’m not going to stop.

“I promise we’ll give you a place to call home,” Hester says. “All we have is each other.”

Hester finishes treating me and tells me I can get up. I scramble to a sitting position, pulling my shirt down as she packs up the first aid kit.

“Thank you.”

“I wish there was more I could do.”

“It’s enough,” I assure her.

“You can stay in the main house until we can arrange a cabin for you. Apryle, can you show her to the lavender room?”

I grab Hester’s hands in my own and give her a warm smile. “Thank you,” I say, “for helping me and for preventing my pack from losing more lives.”

“Honey, that’s what I do. I collect tau wolves and I protect them from the hunters that want us dead.”

It sounds like a lonely and dangerous mission, but I don’t say that out loud. “I’m grateful.”

“I saw you many times over the years in my visions,” she admits. “I could tell you were happy and healthy until the last one. I saw you running through the wood, terrified, and so I made sure I was there to find you when you came to me.”

If she hadn’t seen it, I would be dead. I don’t doubt that for a second. Those wolves had followed us for miles, tracking us even in the truck. I wonder if they got as far as the sanctuary wards.

“You’re not a prisoner here,” Hester says, “but don’t cross beyond the wards. You won’t be safe then.”

I have no intention of trying to leave, so I nod. “Thank you.”

Hester smiles. “Sleep well, little one. ”

I follow Apryle out of the room and up the stairs. There are photographs of Hester with different women lining the wall. Apryle is in one shot, but she’s barely cracking a smile and I see the pain in her eyes. I wonder what happened to her. Was she in a pack like me?

Apryle steps up behind me, staring at that photo too. “I hate that picture,” she admits.

“Why?”

“Bad memories, I guess. I didn’t have a pack or a daddy who loved me. That photograph was taken a few days after I arrived here,” she says.

“I’m sorry you suffered,” I tell her earnestly.

Apryle makes a sound in the back of her throat that could be a scoff or a snort. “What would you know about suffering? Your life was perfect until today.”

My life was never perfect. “I lost pack members. People I love.” I can’t stop myself from snapping at her. She doesn’t have a clue how I feel or what I’m going through.

“They died to protect you. Until I came here, I had no one on my side. Trust me, you’re lucky.”

I let that sink in, wondering what she went through, but she turns away and keeps climbing the stairs until she reaches the top. I follow after her, feeling like a lost puppy.

Apryle heads right when she reaches the landing and stops in front of the first door she comes to, twisting the knob and opening it.

I peer around her and into the room. There’s a large double bed with a lavender comforter and pink and purple pillowcases. The walls are painted lavender too, and the floorboards are sanded and polished, though there is a rug that looks like it will feel plushy under my feet.

“There’s a bathroom through that door there,” she points behind us. “You’ll be the only one using it. Hester’s room’s down the other end of the hall. There are new toiletries under the basin, take whatever you need. The closet will have clean clothes. If they don’t fit, we’ll sort something out in the morning.”

Gratitude washes through me. I could have been running alone after the hunters attacked, and as much as I hate to admit it, I wouldn’t survive. The hunters might kill me, but the loneliness would destroy me first. I’ve never lived without my pack. I’m not cut out for the lone wolf life. Those who live it can be driven to madness. Wolves are social animals by nature; we need those connections.

“Were you a lone wolf before this?”

She shakes her head, her hair bouncing around her shoulders. “Not exactly. I was living with the humans, oblivious to what I was. I could sense my wolf, but I just thought it was something I made up to protect my mind. I didn’t understand what was happening to me when I started dream walking. I’d never seen a wolf shifter until the hunters came, and even then, I thought I was high.”

Her tongue darts out to lick her lips. I understand that look in her eyes; she’s still traumatized by what happened to her. I take her hand in mine, squeezing it. “I’m sorry.”

“We’re all survivors here, Tessa, but we’re stronger together. Hester… I might not always agree with her, but she saved us.” She gives me a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “Get some sleep.”

I watch as she makes her way back to the stairs before I step into the room and shut the door behind me.

I sleep badly. That hole where my pack bond lived hurts my soul in a way I can’t explain. I toss and turn all night in the unfamiliar room, wishing I was back in my own bed, my father down the hallway.

When I do drift off, the nightmares come.

Hunters kill my father. I feel Mason die again. I sense the panic through the bond, and I wake in a cold sweat, unable to catch my breath.

I can’t stand it any longer, so as dawn approaches, I get out of the bed and creep out of the room. The house is silent, so I walk barefoot across the hall to the bathroom. Once the door is shut behind me, I relax a little.

I shower using the supplies in the cubicle, careful not to wet the gauze on my back. When I’m done, I find a toothbrush under the sink, still in its packaging, and I brush my teeth.

When I return to the lavender room, I find the closet stocked with garments, including some sweats and a t-shirt my size. They don’t look new, but I don’t care. Once I’m dressed, I make my way downstairs. I need caffeine and I want a moment to get the lay of the place. I find the kitchen at the back of the house, a large room with a big island in the middle and stools pushed under it. There’s a huge double stove built into a recess and a large sink in front of the window that overlooks the back of the house.

I go straight to the window and look out. There are at least ten cabins standing a little distance apart from each other, all made from dark wood. Each has a small porch out front and a window on either side of the door.

Behind the cabins is a lake surrounded by trees. The sun peeks over the top of the mountain range behind and catches the water, making it shimmer like diamonds .

It’s idyllic. Beautiful.

And it reminds me of home. We didn’t have the lake, but we did have the cabins and the same sense of community I feel here.

I don’t see any movement outside, and I hear nothing inside the house either. I wonder what time everyone wakes up.

Tearing my gaze from the view outside, I go to the coffee machine. It’s different from the one my dad had in our home, so I take a few moments to understand how it works. I fill the water to the indicated level and then go in search of mugs, finding them in a wall cupboard near the machine.

I’m waiting for the pot to fill when I hear movement coming from within the house.

My wolf’s ears prick up and her whine is high pitched. Excited. I don’t know what she’s sensing.

Then I scent him.

I gasp, holding my chest. I’ve never smelled anything like this. It is so powerful it nearly drives me to my knees. My wolf howls, baying as I grip the edge of the counter to keep my knees from buckling.

What the hell is happening?

The kitchen door is flung open, and a mountain of a man is standing there. It feels as if the universe takes a breath in and holds it as we make eye contact. His nostrils flare, and I know he’s taking in my scent.

All I can smell is him, too.

My head swims and I feel dizzied as he steps closer, unable to look away. The back of my neck feels clammy, my skin is on fire, and my stomach is filled with butterflies. I’m completely fascinated by him.

I scan the contours of his muscles and the way his biceps strain against the sleeves of his tee, my mouth suddenly dry. He’s gorgeous, and I can’t stop staring, even though he’s not my usual type, with his floppy blond hair and a face that is all hard edges and lines. Granite eyes are locked on to mine and my wolf is going crazy.

I have no idea what is happening, but my body suddenly feels too hot, like it doesn’t belong to me anymore, and I can hardly draw air past the lump in my throat.

One word echoes in my mind, and I’m not sure if it comes from me or from my wolf, but I hear it clear as day.

Mate .

His hand snaps out and grabs me by the back of the neck, his grip possessive but not painful.

I would not allow a male to touch me like this, but with him… I want his hands all over me.

Our eyes connect, and I can’t speak or think.

He stares at me, not moving, and I can tell he’s going through the same turmoil.

I can see the confusion before it morphs into something else, something that twists my gut.

Dismay.

He staggers back from me, gripping the edge of the counter behind him, as if it is the only thing keeping him on his feet too.

My wolf howls, pawing at the ground as if she wants to rip free of my body. I urge her to calm.

He opens his mouth, and I hold my breath, expecting him to claim me.

I recognize him as mine. My wolf recognizes him as ours.

But what comes out of his mouth puts a damper on everything .

“No,” he hisses.

My wolf is done being submissive. My back arches as she tries to force a shift, as I’m internally screaming for her to stop.

I can’t shift.

Nothing will happen but pain.

She doesn’t listen.

My back contorts in an impossible angle, pain exploding through me. My spine feels like it’s being torn in two. I try to hold back my cry, but it erupts from my mouth. I drop to my hands and knees, splaying my fingers against the tile beneath me as my legs twist and crack.

Every inch of my body is in agony as my wolf tries to come to the forefront. My skin heats until I am burning from the inside out. My eyes water as my bones continue to change and break. The torture of it almost makes me pass out.

I wish I would.

Screams fill the air, macabre, ear-piercing sounds.

They are my screams, I realize.

I’m dying.

My body continues to fracture and splinter, twitching and thrashing as my wolf fights to surface.

She’s close.

I can feel her struggling to get through the barrier between us, but there’s no path to freedom.

I sob with the pain. I can’t stand it. I feel like I’m being cleaved in half. Clawing desperately at the ground, dirt sliding under my nails, I whimper and cry, my throat feeling like I’ve swallowed blades. My back bows and I sob as my hips dislocate.

The only word I hear over and over in my head…

Mate .

Ours.

It goes on and on, over and over, but as with the last time I tried to shift something is stopping my wolf from getting through. I am a tau wolf. I am not full-blooded. No amount of trying will bring my wolf out of me.

Yet, my body continues to break, my bones cracking.

He’s not recognizing me as his. I know I should focus on that, but all my attention is on the agony tearing through me.

Then the pain dissipates, and my wolf stops trying to shift.

I collapse to the floor, breathing heavily. My lungs burn with every inhalation and I feel sick to my stomach.

As I glance along the tile, I see him standing there. He didn’t change into his wolf to greet his mate. He didn’t do anything.

His eyes squeeze shut and pain ripples across his face. Those emotions fizzle into something else.

Fear. Trepidation.

“Shit…” His voice is deep, gravelly, and gruff.

I try to control my breathing as I watch his chest heave and his fingers flex at his sides. I can hear my heart pounding in my ears and the back of my neck tingles like someone is blowing gently across it.

Slowly, I push to my knees and blink the dizziness away.

“We’re… mates…” I murmur.

He shakes his head, and confusion shrouds me.

“No.” The broken, final way he says that word is a period, not a pause, and it terrifies me. He staggers back, putting the breakfast bar between us like a barrier. “Fuck,” he hisses.

His awareness touches my mind, stroking along my senses. It should be comforting, but at this moment it feels like a violation, especially when I can sense the fury and disgust he has toward me. He’s breathing hard too, but his eyes scare me. No one has ever looked at me with that much hate.

He curls his lip before stating, “You’re not mine.”

The pain I felt at trying and failing to shift is nothing compared to this. My throat feels tight and I struggle to breathe. This rejection hits and hurts me on a primal level.

I block it all out.

My wolf whines and I feel as if he’s taken a pickaxe to my chest.

Despite his rejection, his wolf is calling to mine and I wonder how much strength it must take to control the animal inside him. If I could shift, my wolf would be bursting free now.

His fingers morph into claws momentarily before he’s able to stop the change from happening. He stares at his hands.

“What?” I breathe the word out, my head spinning.

“I don’t want a mate,” he growls, shaking his head as if trying to fight against his own thoughts. “You’re nothing to me. I don’t claim you.”

My heart shatters, pain like I’ve never felt before careening through my chest. I gasp, pressing a hand to my sternum, seeking relief, as my wolf howls at the rejection burning through me. I dig my fingers into the tile floor, trying to calm the raging agony.

“You’re not mine,” he repeats, and with that parting shot, he flees the kitchen, leaving me collapsed on my knees before I burst into excruciating sobs.