Page 41 of Forever Her Bachelor
The use of her childhood nickname always made her weak. For years, her young mind could not comprehend why she became so excited every time she read or heard the word. It sent a rush of familiarity through her, made her feel all warm and cared for. Whenever he used that word, it was an affirmation that she was his.
“Please tell me what I did wrong,” he begged, pressing his forehead to hers. “I know we weren’t a love match, but our friendship meant everything to me.”
The vulnerability in his voice was a vast contrast to the St. Clara that was gossiped about in society. His trysts were of legendary proportion amongst theton, mostly widows, though she had heard a tale or two about a debutante in his bed.
She opened her mouth to tell him that it meant everything to her as well, but the words would not come out. Like everything else about her and St. Clara, her words were stuck in the past along with heartache.
Silence surrounded them. There was no sound but the horses’ hooves pounding against the dirt roads of England, the rattling of the carriage as it led them to Gretna Green and their future.
A future as an estranged husband and wife.
St. Clara pulled her closer to him, and traitorous tears slid down her cheeks again at the memory of the past. The yearshad sealed her heartache and pain. She was no longer the young girl he had betrayed, but the remembrance of it still pierced her. Agreeing to marry him was her decision, but that did not mean that Pippa would ever forget his betrayal with Maggie.
“I will not allow you to ignore me, to ignore us any longer.” His hold on her tightened, lightly ensuring that she did not escape him again.
Her body remained stiff in his arms, anger taking over at his words. She pushed him away, sliding to the other side of the small bench seat. All she wanted to do was shout, to tell him that he had ignored her friendship, her trust, and his responsibility to his child, but she wasn’t ready to confront him with the truth of their past. “Ignore you? You were the one who forgot me.”
He was the one who lied.
“Never. I never forgot you.” His honeyed voice was deep and serious.
Pippa was torn in two as if she was on either side of herself. Rage and jubilation coursed through her veins: rage because he did forget her once; jubilation for the small part of her that had always wanted to hear that he hadn’t. It was a relief, like the cloud that had been suffocating her for nine years had lifted, and finally she could breathe.
“You did forget me.” She swallowed the lump in her throat, tears falling freely now that her emotions had been unlocked.
He forgot her the moment he was with the maid, forgot their friendship and what they had meant to each other.
Taking her by the hands, he urged her to stare into his eyes. Dark pools of liquid cemented her in place, making Pippa feel as if she was sixteen years old again. “I returned as I promised?—”
Her hand rested on his chest, fingers closing around the fabric of his waistcoat. Being this close to him stirred a need in her that had not existed in her younger self. “It doesn’t matter.”To Pippa it did not. Even if he had returned from the Continent, the truth would’ve eventually come out.
One day, she would be able to learn his version of the story, to find out what really happened, but the memory was still too painful for her to bear.
His hands pushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear. “I would’ve married you, and we would’ve been happy.”
Her breath caught at the words because there was a small part of her that knew the absolute truth of them. Most society marriages were not built on love or friendship. Usually, the bride and groom would barely know each other. She and St. Clara, though they were young, had a connection unlike any marriage she had ever seen except her parents.
Her mind stilled at the comparison, and she couldn’t help but remember the stories of how her father was once her mother’s tutor and friend.
“All you had to do was wait for me.” His words cut through her like a sharp-edged sword.
Pippa shook her head back and forth, his words crumbling her resolve. It was all she had, and she had clutched it for so long that it was difficult to let it go. “I did wait for you, Chaun—” She stopped herself, his given name burning her tongue. “I waited for you until the end.”
He leaned in closer, his nose brushing hers. Pippa’s eyes closed, her tongue wetting her lips. “It wasn’t the end for us. Perhaps it was the beginning.”
His mouth claimed hers in a fierce kiss that Pippa felt down to the soles of her feet. Moaning into his mouth, she tightened her grip on his waistcoat, pulling him closer to her. He lifted her easily, placing her on his lap where she fit perfectly.
She was consumed and out of control, her emotions raw as he slowed the kiss, giving her one final peck. “When you are ready to tell me, I will listen.”
Would she ever be ready to reveal the truth?
Were Maggie and his child out there waiting for him?
Could she ever trust him again?
The questions bombarded her mind. She had no idea if they could ever move past the utter devastation of her finding out he had betrayed her with another.
Finding her voice at long last, Pippa exhaled, removing herself from his person. She straightened her skirts, trying to ignore the frantic beating of her heart and her own weakness. “It will not change anything.” Swallowing hard, she pressed forward, needing the words to strengthen her resolve. “I will be your wife for one year, and after that year is up, I will be your wife in name only.”