Page 15 of Forever & Always You

I shrug, finally taking a sip of my coffee. “I guess I just want to know that things turned out okay for you in the end. That you didn’t suffer through college too, you know? It makes me feel better.”

“You don’t really deserve to feel better, though, do you?

” Austin says, his tone hard. Maybe I broke him down so many times before that now he automatically defaults to being defensive around me.

“My friends in college being nicer people than you doesn’t change the fact that you were fucking awful. You know that, right?”

I freeze mid-sip, staring at him over the rim of my cup, then set my coffee down on the table and straighten my shoulders.

“Okay, what is this, Austin? You are so hot and cold with me. Ten minutes ago you were joking around with me at the lights, now you have that angry look in your eyes and you’re calling me awful.

You’re either giving me the chance to earn your forgiveness or you aren’t.

Please make up your mind, because you’re giving me whiplash here. ”

Austin scoffs with indignation. He rises from the table, tosses his empty espresso cup into the nearby trashcan and then storms across the parking lot while I blink after him.

He would have never walked away from me before, but I guess that was the problem.

There were so, so many times he should have walked away yet never did.

As much as I hate seeing him turn his back on me, I’m glad he now protects himself.

But this conversation is far from over, so I take off after him, erratically waving my coffee cup.

“ Hello? Can you answer me, please?”

Austin abruptly stops and spins on his heels, and my body slams straight into his chest. There are so many different emotions in his piercing eyes that I can barely decipher a single one. They are dangerous yet so full of anguish.

“Because I hate you, Gabby,” he says, each word twisted with emotion, “but I also miss you.”

“Oh.”

“The past twenty-four hours, I’ve been fighting a battle inside my head, because one second I see a glimpse of the girl I used to adore.

The girl who was sarcastic and goofy and fun to be around.

” He swallows hard, squeezing his eyes shut as he lowers his head in defeat.

“And then the next second I remember the way that girl made me feel, and fuck, it hurts, Gabrielle. It hurts. ”

“Oh.” My throat tightens until it feels like I’m swallowing knives.

Austin’s eyes flash open, his jaw clenched. Through rigid lips, he says, “So no, I can’t make up my fucking mind. You messed with it too much.”

I hurt him so much more than I thought.

Even just looking at me seems almost unbearable to him. It dawns on me only now, and perhaps twenty-four hours too late, that even just my presence still hurts. And I don’t mean to hurt him. I don’t want to. But some wounds cut too deep, leaving permanent scars.

I grab his arm before he can take another step away from me. “Tell me what I can do to fix this. I’ll do anything , Austin.”

Austin glances down at my hand on his arm, my fingers trembling against his skin. “Why did you come by my office yesterday?”

I don’t miss a beat. “To apologize.”

“Apologize to make yourself feel better,” he says, “or apologize because you wanted me back in your life?”

“Both,” I admit. I let go of his arm, my shoulders sinking as I draw a deep breath. “I wanted to say sorry for my mistakes, because I want a clean slate to use as a springboard to getting my life together. But now? Now I want you to forgive me because I miss you, too.”

Austin exhales as the tension visibly leaves his body, and I wonder if he was quite literally holding his breath, praying for an answer that wouldn’t hurt him.

He leans against the rear of his car and crosses one foot over the other.

I hate it when he’s furious, but I hate it even more when he’s vulnerable.

He contemplates something for a moment, his lower lip between his teeth, and then he asks, “Can I trust you, Gabby?”

“You shouldn’t. Not yet,” I say. My heart pounds in my chest as I try to say all of the right things, because I never want to say the wrong thing to Austin ever again for the rest of my life. “Let me earn it.”

“Then last night’s offer still stands,” he says. “Don’t go back to Durham. Stay with me for the weekend. That gives your property manager a couple more days to fix your plumbing, and it gives me a couple more days to hate you less and miss you more.”

Big oh. That made me feel funny.

Like, butterflies funny.

And Austin Pierce shouldn’t give me butterflies.

That’s a recent development after seven years apart.

Something feels different. He feels different.

And I’d definitely like to spend the weekend with him.

“You’re absolutely sure?” I ask.

“I wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t sure,” he says, and like the flick of a switch, his features soften and a smile starts to toy at his lips. “Do you have enough clothes packed? Because if not, you’re not driving all the way back to Durham to get some. I’ll take care of it.”

“You wear a size six, too?”

Austin cracks fully now. He laughs and I swear his cheeks blush pink. “You’re funny.”

“I thought we already established that when we were kids.”

Austin pushes off his car, pulling his keys from his back pocket. “Follow me back to my place, and try to keep up.”

“You know I can’t keep up,” I groan, then point to my rusted exhaust. “You saw the smoke, right? I think my engine is on the outs.”

“Fine, I’ll be a law-abiding citizen and keep below the speed limits,” he says with an eye roll, then pauses with a hand on his door before he climbs in behind the wheel.

His playful expression eases, and his nod is reassuring.

“We’ll get your car fixed this weekend, okay? We’ll fix a lot things, Gabrielle.”

Ahhh.

As I climb into my car and place my coffee into the cup holder in the center console, I’m fighting nausea. I’m spending the weekend with Austin. At his house . And he hates me, but he misses me.

And I will fix things, because I so badly want to be that girl he once adored.