Page 22

FIFTEEN

INTERLUDE

Okay, okay, babes, drop everything and grab your cold brew because your girl, HockeyHomeGurlHattie has the EXCLUSIVE tea piping hot, and it’s about to burn the entire Eastern Conference to the damn ground!

I’m talking third-degree burns, call-the-medic level scalding gossip that’s going to have you clutching your pearls and screaming into your throw pillows!

brEAKING: SHAWSHOCKED

You heard it here first. Derrick ‘Baby’ Shaw, Toronto’s former golden boy, rising rookie goalie, fan-favorite heartthrob, and recent concussion casualty is officially out.

That’s right, shawties.

The Toronto Stars and Derrick Shaw have reached a mutual contract buyout, following what sources are calling ‘ongoing medical uncertainty and long-term cap strategy adjustments’.

Translation? They don’t want to wait for this man to heal, so they’re cutting him loose like yesterday’s highlight reel.

The audacity. The disrespect.

The absolute corporate cold-heartedness that has me reaching for my emotional support White Claw at 11 A.M. on a Tuesday.

#NoLoyaltyInTheLeague

Now, before we grab our torches and storm Star Light Square, let me break down what this really means:

A mutual buyout in the NHL is like saying, ‘it’s not you, it’s cap space’.

Shaw’s remaining contract is being paid out over double the length of what’s left, standard under CBA rules and the Stars get partial cap relief. That means they’re offloading future financial obligations and our Baby Shaw becomes an unrestricted free agent immediately.

No waivers. No strings. No waiting period.

He’s a free man, ready to be snatched up by any team with a brain and a decent goalie coach.

And let’s be real: after that devastating hit in the Stanley Cup Final that had us all holding our collective breaths, Baby Shaw deserves nothing but the best care and comeback story imaginable.

#JusticeForShaw

BUT HERE’S THE PLOT TWIST

Word on the street (and by ‘street’, I mean my sources deep inside the Pacific Division) is that the Seattle Vipers might be circling.

That’s right! The same team where a certain sexy, stone-faced goalie named Sebastian Bergeron plays.

You do the math.

But like. . .do we really need anyone beside our Bastian? Like, have you SEEN that man between the pipes?

The way he moves like liquid mercury, the intensity in those eyes when he’s tracking the puck. I literally cannot function when they do those slow-mo replays of him lifting his mask after a save.

#ThirstTrap #GoalieGlory #OnlyOneGoalie4Me

Now, since my last show, sources on the ground have informed me that last summer, during Torrance Bailey’s charity hockey camp, both Sebastian and Derrick were closer than close.

But that’s just speculation, babes.

I haven’t gotten any clear evidence but when has that ever stopped me from sharing?

My insider says they were spotted having intense conversations by the rink after hours, and one witness swears they saw Sebastian actually, wait for it, SMILE—yes, you heard me right—while talking to Baby Shaw.

That’s basically a marriage proposal in Bergeron body language.

#RareSmile #ChemistryCheck

And now? There’s a real shot they could end up on the same roster.

With two starting goalies already on rotation and preseason camp breathing down their necks, Seattle could use a safety net with soft hands and even softer eyes.

The visual alone of these two gorgeous goalies sharing ice time, practice drills, and maybe—just maybe—locker room towel fights has me hyperventilating into a paper bag as we speak.

My DMs are already flooding with fanfic requests, and honestly, I’m not above reading some of it on air next episode if this rumor gains traction.

#FanServiceFriday #DevanScottPodcastCollabWhen

Apparently, Vipers Head Coach, Harley Lennox, made a personal request to acquire Shaw, and I am here for it, honey.

Sources say Lennox literally interrupted a management meeting, slammed his fist on the table, and said: “Get me that kid before someone else does.”

That’s the kind of energy we need in this league. Toronto ran scared too soon.

#TheirLoss #SeattleSmarterStrategy

So, here are the key questions:

Will Seattle be the home of Derrick’s comeback story?

Will they tuck him into their goalie rotation like the precious butterfly he is while he rehabs?

Will Sebastian and Baby Shaw reunite under the same roof and maybe the same sheets?

Stay tuned, shawties.

The season hasn’t even started and we’re already on thin freakin’ ice.

I’ve got my notifications set for breaking news, three burner accounts following staff, and a cousin’s roommate who works at the Seattle practice facility. Trust and believe, when this story develops, you’ll hear it from me first.

#InvestigativeJournalism #StalkingForContent

This has been HockeyHomeGurlHattie, live from the eye of the hockey hurricane. Stay hot. Stay messy. And never trust a franchise that wears black and white and calls it fashion (points finger at Toronto).

Like seriously, who told them those colors work together?

It’s giving corporate bathroom vibes, and Baby Shaw deserves better.

Smash that subscribe button. Hit that notification bell.

And remember: Hockey gossip is my love language.

HockeyHomeGurlHattie Out!