Page 53 of For Cowgirls and Kings (The Trauma Bonded #2)

FORTY-ONE

MATEO

I want to wake up with your cock buried inside of me.

I groan, shifting uncomfortably in the chair once more.

Everyone’s exhausted, and drunk, draped over various items of furniture in the warm space.

Gus and I are the only ones still awake, from what I can tell—Stetson laying vertically across the couch, her head in his lap.

Faith’s curled in a ball in one of the two love seats, snoring lightly.

And Dale passed out, her head on my chest, drool dribbling from her slightly ajar mouth.

She’s fucking asleep, and we have a room full of people who would bare witness, yet, the fact that she’s drunk is the only thing keeping me from lifting her up and burying my cock in her heat. Fuck everyone else here.

My cock pounds almost as if with a heart beat of its own, the skin pressed so tightly against the zipper I’m certain I’ll have a zipper shaped bruise down the length of it tomorrow.

I want to wake up with your cock buried inside of me.

“Fuck,” I groan under my breath, shifting yet again.

“You can take my old room and fuck her, if you’re that uncomfortable.” I still at Gus’s crude words. We haven’t spoken much today, partly because I know he hasn’t totally forgiven me, and partly because I know he’s been so focused on Stetson that he doesn’t give two fucks that I’m even here.

“She’s drunk.” I pull her head tighter against my chest as if to protect her.

He snorts. “I’m pretty sure you have permission dude. She was basically riding you through your jeans there before she passed out.”

“That’s not consent, Gus. She’s drunk, that means she can’t give consent.”

His brow crinkles at that. At his core, I know Gus is a good person. And although I don’t understand or even agree with how Stetson and he came to be, I know what they have works for them. Maybe she likes being fucked drunk. But I imagine they’ve discussed such boundaries— at least I hope.

But Dale and I…we’ve barely done any talking. Not about anything serious and it’s actually starting to bug the actual piss out of me.

Gus clears his throat, and I raise an eyebrow, waiting for him to say whatever else is weighing on him. He’s clearly uncomfortable, and even though that makes me curious, it also terrifies me. Gus doesn’t get uncomfortable about anything.

“What’s the deal with you two?” he finally asks.

I sigh, closing my eyes. “We’re seeing where it goes. We haven’t really talked about anything—we’re just having fun…” I scrunch my nose. I hate the way that sentence sounds, and I especially hate the way it makes me feel.

I open my eyes to see his face twisted with a look akin to warning. “Dale’s important to Stetson. Fuck, she’s…she’s important to me too.”

“She’s the most important thing to me,” I grumble, sitting up a little straighter, careful not to wake the woman in question still drooling on my chest.

“So when she’s ready to go home? What happens then? What are you guys?”

“What does it matter to you?”

“I know we’ve had our shit, but fuck Mateo. I’ve missed having you around. But”—he looks me in the eyes, his face grave—“it’ll be her, if there has to be a choice. We will protect her.”

His words do nothing but soothe some deeply hidden, dark part of my soul I didn’t even know was aching. The truth is, I want Dale to have this. I want her to have a family that looks out for her, no matter the consequences. Even if I’m one of the consequences.

I care deeply about Stetson, and about Gus. But if it came down to a choice, I’d choose Dale too. She deserves to be the most important thing—that’s all I’ve ever wanted for her.

I nod in agreement, and his face softens, just a little. He tips his head to the ceiling, blowing out a long breath.

“I fucking did it,” he says, more to himself than me. He’s talking about Stetson, the home, the family and life. I don’t know everything about his life before being here, but I know enough that this day has to be monumental, greater for him even than someone like me.

He’s never had anything like this, and he waited so long for it.

“You sure did.”

“So if she’s drunk, it’s rape. Are you sure? Because Stetson likes—” I put my hand up, cutting him off.

“What you and Mrs. Dobbs do is up to you. As long as you’ve discussed safe words and boundaries.”

“You’re such a weird fucking dude,” he huffs and I smile at that.

“At least I didn’t stalk a girl until she married me,” I tease.

He only shrugs his shoulders, his face set into a look of acceptance. “I’m not sorry. Not if that means I get this, her, forever.”

I nod. There’s no need for words, not when it’s clear he means what he says. And honestly, I don’t blame him. If anything, I envy him.

Would I do anything to keep Dale? I hug her closer, letting my head fall back, eyelids growing heavy. When I’m almost drifting off, I hear Gus speak again.

“Roscoe.”

I lift my head, squinting at him across the room. He’s still sitting upright, Stetson’s head in his lap, his hand running through her golden curls.

“Huh?” I ask.

“Roscoe. It’s our safe word.”

I shake my head, laying it back, the sound of the air conditioning unit buzzing on and off lulling me to sleep. I drift off just like this, a small smile pulling at my lips.

The first thing I notice when I wake up is how the hairs on my arms are at full attention, the room so silent, I can’t even hear anyone else breathing.

I squeeze the body still propped against my chest, and a breath whooshes from her, making me sag in relief.

It’s so fucking dark and I can’t see shit.

I shift, sitting up farther, hoping to clear the inky darkness pooling around my vision.

The second thing I notice is Gus’s outline is rigid, his form like a solid wall of muscle, an arm draped over the back of the couch, something shimmering there.

A gun.

“Gus, what the fu—” I hiss, sitting straighter to find what has us both on edge.

“Shut. The fuck. Up,” he grinds out, his words barely audible. I freeze, his warning clear. Whoever it is, is already here.

The third thing I notice, the haze of sleep now fully evaporated thanks to the sharp adrenaline pumping through my veins, is the whisper of voices. Two from what I can make out—a man, and…

“Oh fuck,” I growl, gently picking up Dale, and putting her back into the chair before walking towards the sounds. Gus cusses a string of colorful slurs even for him, but I barely notice.

What the fuck is she doing here? And why?

I walk through the screen door, Gus catching it with his hand before it slams shut, alerting the girls still asleep inside. His gun glitters in the moon light—silver and full of ominous promise—and even though I know who it is, I’m not against him carrying the fucking thing out here.

She did show up to his house unannounced, in the middle of the night.

“Valentina, what the fuck?”

“Who—” Gus starts, when V huffs loudly, her conversation with who I now recognize is McCrae cut off. She whirls towards me, a red jacket of some kind fluttering in the moonlight.

“Are you going to let this brute threaten your sister with a fucking gun Mateo? Really?” Her voice is shrill, slicing through the night, and Gus and I shush her in the same breath. If we can keep the girls safe inside, this’ll go smoother.

“I don’t know who the fuck you are, seeing as I’ve never met you. Besides, you’re here in the middle of the fucking night, with a man I do not trust.” Gus’s words are hushed, each word laced with venom.

Valentina flashes her teeth in the darkness, her stance squaring to a challenge.

Like she’s daring him to shoot her. And as much as I don’t like my sister right now, I don’t want my friend to go to jail for murdering her, on his wedding night of all things.

There has to be a better ending to this madness besides that.

I stomp forward, putting my own body between them. I’m still not sure Gus won’t shoot—I know he’s slightly unhinged when it comes to protecting Stetson. But I have to do something.

“McCrae, care to jump in here?” I growl, grabbing V’s arm and twisting her rigid form away from Gus. McCrae makes no move to intervene, as if frozen by some invisible wall, and that terrifies me more than anything.

I turn back to V. “You can’t answer any of my phone calls for weeks, and then you show up here in the middle of the night? You couldn’t even be bothered to show up when Dale was missing, but now the drive isn’t too far? What the fuck is going on V?”

Her eyes flick to mine, pleading in her gaze—a momentary slip in her venomous expression—before looking at Gus, and the house behind him. She takes a step back, her eyes burning into mine once more. “What are you doing here, Mateo? You don’t fucking belong.”

My nose scrunches as I tip my head to the sky with an exasperated sigh. “This is ridiculous.”

“I agree,” McCrae grumbles, his feet shuffling in the sand.

“Why haven’t you answered my phone calls?” I ask, irritation causing my voice to tremble.

“I had nothing to say,” she spits, her arms crossing.

“Well, I had plenty to say. Starting with several questions, including why the fuck you knew where to start looking for her. What does that have to do with anything?” I pause, sucking in a breath, before asking the question that haunts me most of all.

“Did Dale get kidnapped because of something you did?”

Her eyes narrow slightly, before she shrugs.

“She’s not a part of our world. She never was supposed to be.

What happened to her was because of your misplaced interest, because you made her your weakness.

Because, make no mistake Mateo”—she takes a step toward me, glittering red nail punching into my chest—“she’s nothing more than that. A weakness.”

“Do you fucking hear yourself? Are you really that much of a monster?” I bite out, my voice rising in volume.

“I am what they made me. I won’t apologize for that because someone in our family has to be strong, and lord knows it isn’t you.”

“How did you know where she was?” I ask again, pressing into her finger. She pulls it back.

“That’s not the question you should be asking.”

“That’s enough, Valentina. This isn’t the right time.

” McCrae makes a move to step between us, and I hear Gus advance closer.

He still might not like me, but he’d protect me, just like he’d protect Stetson and the girls.

And something about that is a balm to the wound my own sister loves to pour salt into.

It’s not a relationship kind of devotion, or a lover kind of protection—it’s a familial love. The kind that comes without restraint or rules, that comes even when you’re mad at each other.

McCrae’s eyes widen a fraction at Gus’s advance and he raises a hand. “I’d never hurt Mateo, brother.”

“You hurt me plenty,” Gus growls, his voice thick with emotion and my heart cracks for him.

“Do you really think you’re helping her?” Valentina hisses, her voice bordering on panic. She’s frantic, and I can’t for the life of me figure out why.

“Yes,” I state, feeling it in my bones.

Her face contorts into a look of disgust. “You’re crippling her, Mateo.

You think I’m strong and powerful because nothing bad ever happened to me, because you somehow protected me from the worst?

” She steps closer, her voice barely above a whisper.

“You have no idea what I’ve been through.

But I can tell you I’m strong because not one other person was there to fight my battles for me and I had to learn to do it for myself.

You’re crippling her, ruining her chances of ever healing.

I do regret what happened to her, no one should have to go through torture like that. But it was not my fault. Not really.”

A million questions race to the tip of my tongue. Logically, I know this isn’t the time or place for this conversation. But I’m desperate. Desperate for answers. Desperate to protect Dale.

“Why are you here?” I ask, pleadingly.

“I couldn’t take this pathetic mess a moment longer Mateo!” she screeches. “You haven’t really been to the casino in months. You’ve wanted to do nothing but play pretend with your broken barbie doll. You’re better than this, Mateo. You’re stronger!”

Her words cut me, flaying me open to the point that I almost feel my life's blood draining from my veins. I’ve avoided the world for months, just like she’s saying, because I wanted to protect Dale. But even as I think that, I know it’s not entirely true.

Have I been using Dale as an excuse to avoid my life? Have I been helping her at all?

Even though her words are venomous and full of hatred, I hear the truth ringing in them too.

And that’s more painful than anything she could say.

So I nod, hanging my head. I might not want the weight and responsibility of my life, but I can’t avoid it forever.

And the longer I do, the harder it’ll be to return to the real world.

The world where I can’t have Dale, even if she’s the only thing in it I truly want.

I feel suffocated by the realization, and my throat bobs as I work to get the words out, “I’ll be there early tomorrow. I’ll plan to stay as long as necessary, to get things organized and back on track.”

V shakes her head, and my eyes snap up to hers. “You don’t get it. You have to be all in. That’s always been the deal. People like you and I don’t have a choice. Send her home, Mateo. Let her have a life that doesn’t include you and all of your baggage. She’s not one of us.”

Gus huffs behind me. “I think it’s time you go. You too, McCrae.”

McCrae reluctantly nods, turning to his bike without another word, pausing only to wait for V to follow behind.

Her eyes remain fixed on a spot over my shoulder though, blazing with an emotion I don’t know how to identify.

And then they dim as she faces me once more.

“You might see me as the villain in your tragic life, Mateo, but as the only person who’s ever truly sacrificed for our family legacy, I can say this without remorse.

You’re fucking up, and if you don’t figure it out soon, you’ll ruin the chance of anything good in your life.

I would know. Try being happy with the privilege you have, instead of yearning for something you'll never get. It’s pathetic and beneath you. And it’s going to ruin her life.”

Without a backwards glance she turns and leaves, only a cloud of dust and her words echoing like a death nell in my ears, proof that it wasn’t all just a nightmare.