Page 65 of For Cowgirls and Kings

His words ignite a boiling vat of fear and irritation in my stomach. I didn’t know people truly talked about me like that. I hate it—and I hate them. “I don’t know who they are, or what you’re talking about, but slobbery lame hickies, and elementary-level groping is not exactly what I had in mind.”

I suck in a breath, my regret instant. If pissing him off was my goal, I know I’ve succeeded when he fists my boob harder. I cry out, pushing at his chest, trying to crawl out from beneath him. He sinks onto me, pinning me with his entire body's dead weight. It’s a losing battle, and that previously restrained panic is spearing through me like hot bullets. They tear through my remaining composure.

Is he going to rape me?Is it rape if I said yes, before I changed my mind?

A screech rips from my throat as I shove harder. If my parents weren’t so fucking prude, maybe I’d know what consent is. I’d know how to get in and out of sexual situations that I want or don’t want. I’d know what the fuck to do right now.

“Let me up, right now.”

“Or what? What are you going to do?”

“I’ll scream.”

He laughs at that, and I tip my head back, looking for anything within reach that I can hit him with if it comes to that.

After leaving Mateo standing in the middle of the party, looking like a beat dog, Kevin wasted no time herding me up the stairs of his parents house, and locking me behind his bedroom door. It’s a simple room, small but covered in sports shit like your typical teenage boy. I also remember seeing some baseball stuff in the corner—a bat.A bat would work wonders to keep him off me, right?

Is that assault with a deadly weapon? When does “self-defense” come into play? Does he have to rape me first and then it can be considered self-defense?

Fuck!

“Just relax. I’m not going to do anything you don’t like. Sorry it hasn’t lived up to your fucking imaginary expectations so far, but this is the real world. This is how real people have sex. If you’d ever had any, you’d know.”

I freeze at that, my eyes snapping back to him. The room’s dark, only a small baseball shaped night-light providing anything beyond shadows. But I see his face, and even though his tone is joking, his face is not.

“I’ve had a lot of sex, thank you very much. And no one has ever done as shit of a job at turning me on as you’re currently doing.” The words barely leave my lips before his fist hits my face. The pain blooms like a firework across my skin, my eyes instantly watering.

Did I spur him on?Yes.Did I deserve to be hit? I might be naive, but I know the answer is always a resoundingno.

I scream, the sound so shrill it rattles the sports posters littering his walls. To hell with someone finding us and the shame I’ve created for myself.I’m getting out of here now.I’m only able to scream for a handful of seconds before his meatyhand clamps over my mouth and nose, his other wrapping around my throat.

“Shut up, you stupid bitch. You made me hit you, you fucking dumb cunt. Everyone was right. You’re not worth this. Your ass is definitely not worth my fucking time.”

I can feel his chest pushing into my own, his heart racing.

Snot and tears coat the inside of his hand, and I struggle to breath. He shifts his weight, looking over his shoulder, for what I don’t know, and that’s all I need to move my leg, driving my knees into his precious balls.

He groans, rolling away from me, and I scramble off the bed. I wobble towards the door, but don’t make it two steps before it splinters. I scream again, both from terror and pain as the wood bits bite into my exposed flesh.

I fall into a ball on the floor, shielding my head with my hands.

“Dale! Adalene!” The familiar voice, although different from its normal calm, nonchalant tone, hits me, and I look up. Mateo’s giant frame stands over me, the light in the hallway making it hard to make out his face. I can see his hand extended out though, and I shakily take it in my own.

“She fucking begged me dude. She’s a slut, likes getting slapped around when she’s getting railed. She’s so loose too, little miss innocent act is actually the biggest whore of them all. Real original.”

Mateo’s hand squeezes around my own, and I cry out, trying to pull away. “Don’t say another fucking word.” His voice is nearly silent.

“Mateo, you’re hurting me.”

He releases his hold instantly, pulling me into his chest instead. He whispers into my hair, and I can’t fight off a sob, “Are you okay?”

“Yes, can…can we go now?”

“Dude seriously? You want sloppy seconds? There’s so many better pieces of ass here—take it from me—” Kevin rambles, standing closer to us now, and I can hear Mateo’s heart pounding wildly in his chest. He squeezes me a second, before he pulls me behind his body.

He advances at Kevin, who’s words sputter out. “If you ever look at her, if you ever speak to her again, I’ll fucking kill you. I’ll kill your family. I’ll kill your fucking dog, I don’t care. But hear me when I say it. You. Will. Not. Exist.”

It’s the first time I’ve ever heard Mateo say such violent things. For someone whose family no doubt thrives on some level of violence, Mateo’s anything but. Like Ferdinand the Bull, he prefers kindness, thoughtfulness, listening, and giving. He’s not a dominant, aggressive man.