Page 33 of For Cowgirls and Kings

Several tense seconds tick by and then he finally sighs. “Any plans for the day?”

“Not really. I’m going to Stetson and Gus’s.” Sucking in a sharp breath, I ask, “you’re not going today are you?”

“Would that really be as bad as you’re making it sound?” he growls and I cringe. I hate hurting anyone, especially him. But I don’t trust myself around him anymore.

“No, but—”What can I even say?

“I get it. I’m doing stuff with my mom and V anyways. Don’t have to worry about me showing up and daring you to doanything you don’t want to do again. Just wanted to call, wish you a Merry Christmas, and whatever.”

And whatever.

He says it like there’s more he wants to say but doesn’t know the right words. Or he knows the right words and is afraid of what they are.

But what else is there to say between us?

“Thank you, Mateo, truly. I’m glad you called.” Even if I’ve acted otherwise, the words are genuine. And now that I’ve heard his voice, I wish he was going to be there tonight. I wish he was here now.

Andthat’sthe fucking problem.

I can’t afford to wish for anything when it comes to Mateo Reyes. We’re different in every single way that matters, even if we’ve maintained a simple, awkward friendship over the years. And even if we did kiss once, ten years ago. He’s a god and I’m a mortal. He’s a king and I’m a servant. He’s a diamond, andI’m a rock.

We’re not the same, and I would do good to remember that.

“Are you okay, Dale?” His question is hesitant, like he’s afraid of what I’ll say. Rightfully so, when I fear the same thing.

“Yes,” I whisper shakily. My heart pounds erratically, its violent thumping filling my throat. I feel completely strangled, because I know what’s coming next, and I’m not ready, even as the words tumble from his mouth.

“Dale, about the other night?—”

My phone vibrates against my ear and I pull it back, a choked sob squeaking past the lump.

Thank you god for saving me.

“I’m sorry,” I cut off his sentence, “my mom’s calling and I can’t leave her waiting. I hope you have a great Christmas, Mateo. Tell your family hello for me.”

And I hang up, answering my mother’s call in the same swipe.

Talk about fucking whiplash.

“Mama, Merry Christmas!” This time when I say the words I don’t have to force as much enthusiasm.

“Adalene, how are you?” Her voice is the same, strained tone it normally is, but I can’t find it in me to be annoyed. Not when I’m so relieved.

“Missing everyone.” It’s true, even if she doesn’t understand it’s a double edge sword.

She breathes heavily, her voice quivering slightly, and I grimace at my choice of words. I forgot—I’m not allowed to miss anyone since I’m not willing to move there to be with them.

“Yes, well.” The doorbell chimes and not for the second time in ten minutes I’m thanking god for his incredible timing.

“I’m sorry, Mama, hold on. There’s someone at the door.”

“Who could be more important than me?” I roll my eyes.She’s serious too.

“No one, but I can’t be rude and not answer.” She huffs, silently admitting defeat. If there’s anything she fears above all else, it’s people looking poorly on the family name.

I set Tut down, an irritated meow filling the space as I shuffle to the door, swinging it open, coming face to face with a well-dressed man, his eyes scanning the inside of my house before landing on me. His hands are covered in tattoos, his hair combed back in a slick, neat style, eyes shaded behind dark glasses. He looks like Mateo, only not at all, and I realize he must be one of his employees.

Or at least I hope.