Page 24 of Follow Your Instincts (Fairview City Omegaverse)

Lachlan

T he human mind’s ability to disconnect from the harsh realities of life to lead a Zoom meeting is truly mindblowing.

I was almost positive none of the people on this weekly check-in call could tell I was in a hotel room instead of my office, or that I was having a personal crisis of any kind.

They certainly couldn’t tell I’d paired my button down with a pair of Ben’s basketball shorts I’d stolen in my whirlwind packing session instead of my normal slacks.

I tuned back into the conversation to catch the last update from the team.

“And if we want to expand further into the healthcare sector, we’ll need another HIPAA compliance analyst.”

“Of course,” I said briskly. “It’s a priority, we’ll make sure we have the right personnel. Any other updates?”

Polite silence was my only answer.

“Thank you, everyone,” I said. “Have a great night.”

I wasn’t sure why I was so eager to get off the Zoom call when I had nothing else to do. There was always the pile of work I created for myself, but even that wasn’t cutting it as a distraction.

I stood up from the cramped chair and stretched, staring blankly out the window at the view of the city. The room was small and uncomfortable, deliberately so. This was an exile after all. I didn’t deserve to be comfortable.

I had no idea what came next, but I knew I couldn’t stay with the pack when I had, once again, ruined things so well.

My mind queued up the replay of that night to try and figure out how things went so spectacularly wrong.

I didn’t even remember going into the kitchen. It was like I had materialized there and found Maggie in Ben’s arms. Their scents had flooded the room and my mind. He had caught her lip in his teeth, and she’d given a frenzied whine, grinding her hips against his.

Jealousy had thundered through me. Not at Ben or Maggie, but at their closeness. At the fact that I wasn’t between them, tasting both of them, hearing them moan and sigh for me .

I had lost my mind somewhere in the time it took me to walk into the kitchen that night, because Ben had been my packmate for five years and I’d never thought of him as anything other than a friend. But seeing them together… I’d lost control to an instinct that wanted to claim them both as mine .

That night, after Lucas left with Maggie, the shame at that loss of control nearly swallowed me whole.

Ben had immediately turned on me. “What the hell was that?”

“I don’t know,” I said, stepping further away from him. I couldn’t look him in the eye, needed to put as much distance between us as possible to keep myself from reaching out and grabbing him again. I breathed through my mouth to try and clear my head of their scents.

“Did you see her? She was completely freaked out. You need to fix this,” Ben said with the hint of a growl.

“I will,” I said.

Soren said nothing. He was still leaning against the kitchen island .

“Were you jealous or something?” Ben asked.

I shook my head. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”

Ben sighed. “I’m trying really hard to be sympathetic right now. I know this is hard for you, but you need to deal with this shit. She is the one , Lach. I’m not going to lose her,” he said.

“You won’t. I’ll fix it.”

And I had. That night, I had packed a bag and left the house. They deserved a happy ending, and maybe they could have one with Maggie if I removed myself from the equation.

I collapsed on the edge of the bed, buried my head in my hands, and basked in the self-loathing that had become my constant companion.

Thoughts of my packmates haunted me, just like those from so many years ago. Soren, Lucas, and Ben were like extensions of my own body, limbs that I’d suddenly cut off but could still feel. But unlike my first pack, this was my own choice, which hurt in a whole different way.

I turned on the TV for background noise, battling the rising impulse to do something . To fix the situation, to reunite with my pack, to tell Ben that I needed him with a force that shocked me, to tell Maggie I would do anything for the chance to show her I would never, ever hurt her.

I swallowed all those instincts. They couldn’t be trusted.

I woke up a few hours later to banging on the door, wrenched from a dream of Maggie, Ben, and I that would never come true. It was fully dark outside. I didn’t remember falling asleep, but my stomach felt hollow from hunger.

The banging sounded again. I stumbled across the room and opened the door. I wanted to slam it shut immediately.

“Don’t even think about it,” Ben growled, catching the door before I could shut it.

I turned my back on him and walked back towards the bed, clenching my fists. His anger was making his scent even stronger, and I tamped down the urge to press him against the wall that rose within me.

“You look like shit.” Ben entered the room and closed the door behind him.

“Thanks. I feel even worse,” I said.

“Good. Now get your stuff packed, we’re going home,” he said.

I shook my head. “No.”

“No? What do you mean ‘no’?” Ben started pulling my clothes out of the drawers and shoving them roughly into the one suitcase I’d packed.

“I’m not going with you.” I stayed on the opposite side of the room.

Ben rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath that sounded a lot like “melodramatic asshole.” He shoved clothes into the suitcase even more forcefully. “You don’t get to just give up. You acted like an idiot in front of a pretty girl, it’s not the end of the world.”

“I lost control,” I said. “I’m no better than the Alpha that attacked her on the night she presented.”

“Sorry. We must have different memories of what happened last Sunday. Did you hurt Maggie?” he asked.

“No but-”

“Did you threaten her?”

“I growled at-”

“Did you even touch Maggie?”

“No! But I grabbed-”

“So I’m failing to see why you think you need to do all… this,” he said, gesturing to the hotel room. “I know you’re feeling very ‘tragic hero’ at the moment, but it’s been long enough. You’re coming home.”

“No. I’m leaving the pack,” I said roughly.

Ben rolled his eyes. “Again, I appreciate the drama. But no, you’re not. You’re our pack leader, Lach. Fucking act like it.”

“I’m trying to ,” I said angrily. “If I leave, you guys have a chance at creating the pack we always wanted.”

Ben took two steps towards me. I couldn’t back up anymore without hitting the wall behind me. “The pack we wanted. You are included in that we, even when you’re being a grumpy, melodramatic, infuriating…” Ben took a deep breath. “There is no pack without you, you idiot. So come home.”

“It’s not that easy. Do Lucas and Soren even want me to come back?”

“Oh my god, you’re so dense sometimes. They are literally waiting in the car to drive us home. So please help me pack your shit,” Ben brandished the two shirts he was holding in exasperation.

Going home was all I wanted to do. Which meant I probably shouldn’t do it.

Ben sighed and chucked the shirts on the bed, then closed the distance between us. “Come here,” he said and pulled me into a hug, his hands tight around my waist. I held still for a moment, then wrapped my arms around him.

We’d been this close before, but it felt completely different now. His scent made my knees weak. His hair tickled the base of my throat, and I could feel the pound of his heartbeat against my chest. It was almost as strong and fast as my own.

“I need you. We need you,” he whispered. I shivered slightly at the feel of his breath against my neck, ruffling my hair.

“Are you sure? I don’t think Maggie will want to see me again,” I said softly.

“That’s step two. Step one is getting out of the saddest hotel room in Fairview City,” he said. But he didn’t pull back, and I didn’t let him go either. I pretended for a moment that this hug meant for him what it meant for me, rather than just comforting a friend.

“Okay,” I said, resignedly. “Sorry for being a melodramatic, infuriating bastard.”

“You forgot grumpy,” Ben said and finally stepped back. His face was a bit flushed, and he turned away quickly to start packing again.

We worked in silence for a few minutes to gather my meager collection of belongings .

“So what exactly was your brilliant plan?” Ben asked. “You brought one suitcase of clothes. Were you just going to leave everything else behind, start your new life in Alaska?”

I flushed with embarrassment. “I hadn’t thought that far.”

Ben shook his head, smirking. “You’re staying in a hotel two neighborhoods from home. I don’t think you really planned on going anywhere. But that’s okay. It’s the thought that counts when you’re trying to be noble, right?”

“Ha ha,” I said. Then, after a moment, “I think I was hoping you’d drag me back home. Even though I don’t deserve it.”

“I can’t listen to this moping anymore,” Ben said. Then he caught my wrist and dragged me out the door behind him.