Page 46 of Finding Home (Willow Valley #1)

FORTY-SIX

EVERETT

C hloe isn’t in bed with me when I wake up.

I head downstairs and find her and Lila sitting at the kitchen table eating cereal and colouring together.

I lean against the wall, watching them. They don’t talk much, Lila’s concentrating, her tongue sticking out between her lips as she works around the lines of her colouring sheet.

Chloe seems deep in thought, bags under her eyes that I thought a good night’s sleep would have cured, but she seems weary.

I enter the kitchen, kissing the top of each of their heads before taking a seat.

Lila looks at me with a smile. “Morning, Daddy.”

“Morning, Peanut.”

Luckily, it seems like she doesn’t know what happened last night or just how scared I was while trapped in that fire.

I believed in my team and that they were doing everything they could to get me out, but no matter how many times you enter a fire, that rush of fear as the heat of the flames hits you and the smoke collects above you never goes away.

There’s two things you can do when the fear hits you.

Let it paralyze you, or fight it, push past it and not let it take control.

Every time we rush into a fire, we’re choosing to push past it.

Watching the stairs collapse had the fear nearly taking over.

Hearing Chloe’s voice was like a shot of adrenaline; all my senses were even more on alert, and it was that physical, present, reminder to keep pushing.

Her sass even in that moment and her calling me a grumpy ass had me falling for her more.

I need to show her how much I love her and want to build a life with her.

I want forever with her. A home, memories, laughter, arguments, to grow our family, to get to hold her every night.

I want to be there when she’s sick and can’t leave the bathroom floor.

I want to be the one at the end of the aisle as she wears a white dress.

Chloe smiles at me softly, quietly saying, “Good morning,” before she goes back to her sheet of colouring. I see what Grayson meant when he said she’d turn inwards as she tries to process. I’m torn between giving her space and saying fuck it and picking her up and holding her in my lap.

Giving her space unfortunately wins out, and I ask Lila, “How was fort building with Brinley?”

“Sooooo fun! We made super cool tunnels and ate pizza and watched movies. She even made a special room for all my stuffies. Can she come over and make forts again?”

I smile at her innocence, hoping she keeps it for so many more years. “Yeah, Peanut, she can come make forts again.”

She smiles brightly and finishes her colouring sheet, holding it up to show me.

“Very good. Fridge worthy,” I say.

“I’m gonna play in the fort,” she says, running off and leaving Chloe and me alone.

Chloe brings a leg up on the chair and refuses to look at me as she rests her chin on her knee, staring at the wall.

“So, Beau’s supposed to move into his new place in a week, so I think I’m going to stay with Brin for a few days and then move back into my old place,” she says, and it’s like my world starts crumbling before my eyes.

My lungs start to burn with each breath.

She rests her cheek on her knee, now looking at me, and I see the tears gathered in her eyes. She blinks, and they run sideways down her face. She lets out a slow breath, and her eyes flutter shut, a way to steady herself before she opens them again and looks at me.

“I’m not strong enough for this, Everett. I’m so in love with you that I know I can’t experience that again. I will never ask you to leave a job you love, and I’m not. I’m just saying that I’m not strong enough.”

She sits up and wipes at her tears before hugging her leg to her chest.

“Yesterday, knowing you were stuck and in danger, and then seeing you in that hospital bed…” She closes her eyes and bites her lip before continuing.

“It was like a part of my soul was in limbo because I had given it to you and I didn’t know if you were okay.

You’re too…” She looks off, trying to find the word she’s looking for before she settles on, “you.” She chuckles softly.

“You’re too you, and if I stay, I’m going to fall more in love with you than I already am.

I’m going to hand you more pieces of my heart and soul until I actually can’t live without you.

It’s painful now, but at least I can hope to learn to live without the pieces of myself I’ve already given you.

I need to protect both of us from more heartbreak.

I can still watch Lila when you’re on shift, I just can’t be here when you are. ”

I go to reach for her hand, but she pulls it back.

“Please,” she whispers, her voice breaking and with it my own freaking heart. “If you touch me, it will make it harder than it already is. I’m barely holding on. I feel like my heart is in a vice and it’s my own doing. I went and fell in love with you.”

She’s stunned me. I don’t know what to say.

I can’t be the reason she hurts. Seeing her cry like this is ripping at my heart, but I also don’t want her to be somewhere she doesn’t want to be.

I don’t know how she thinks that breaking both of our hearts right now is best. The thought of not having Chloe in this house, in my bed, in my life, is unimaginable.

I stare at her, taking in her every feature. The way her nose slopes and the freckles scattered across her cheek and forehead. The way her lashes flutter and the bow of her lips. She is the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen, and here she is ripping my heart out of my chest.

They say if you truly love someone, set them free, but is that truly love? Isn’t love fighting for someone? Showing them they’re worth a fight?

I don’t have time to even finish the thought, because Chloe is sliding out of her chair and grabbing her small suitcase I didn’t even see beside the entrance from the hallway.

“I’ll text you to see when you’re back on duty,” she says as she passes me, and like a fucking idiot, I watch her walk away and listen as the door clicks behind her.