Page 25 of Finding Haven (Haven #2)

Zack

Staying away from Quinn for the rest of the day feels like torture.

I do my best to give her the space she asked for while still keeping an eye on her to ensure that nobody is making her uncomfortable.

For the most part, she has stuck beside Chelsea and Hailey.

Now that almost everyone has left, I’m set on finding Quinn and getting her to talk to me.

I was all for giving her time to process her thoughts and emotions, but she asked for a minute, and I’ve given her several hours.

Following the sound of feminine voices, I venture outside to find Hailey, Chelsea, and Quinn getting the catering van loaded back up with the display items from the dessert table.

Quinn looks exhausted, her movements slow and unsteady.

I’m fighting an internal battle against the desire to rush to her side, to make her get off her feet and take a break.

She knows her body and can be her own advocate.

I want to give her the space to take care of herself, but I also find myself aching to do everything I can to make her life easier.

I doubt she would want me to step in and take control in a moment like this, in front of other people.

Especially when she’s made it clear that she needs time to consider whether or not she wants to be involved with me.

My stomach has been tight with tension since Quinn left me standing in the library, the feeling growing more intense with each passing minute. I’m not sure that I’m prepared to walk away from her, away from what I think we could be, but I will if that’s what she decides she wants.

“You alright there, Mercer?” Will’s gruff voice reaches me as he steps up beside me, his eyes shifting from me to everyone surrounding the van.

I know enough about the Anders family to know that Chelsea has been in their lives since she was young and is practically a third child to Will and Lara.

There’s a warmth behind his eyes as he watches her.

“You know, son, this life can be very rewarding if you’re able to look through the dark and see the light on the other side.

But it can also be extremely challenging if you don’t have the right person by your side.

It’s not a life I’d ever want to walk alone. ”

His words sink deep into the trenches of my mind, tugging at a familiar ache. I’m so sick and tired of being alone, of coming home at the end of every day to an empty house and an empty bed. I didn’t realize there was a void in my life until I met Quinn.

“Do you ever wish you had done something different with your life?” I ask, tearing my eyes away from Quinn and directing them at Will.

His gaze shifts to his children, the corner of his mouth tugging up into a smile as his eyes crinkle around the edges, his age shining through.

“I used to,” he admits, nodding his head.

“When I was closer to the action like my son is now, there were many times I thought I might lose myself to the darkness and the bloodshed. I was worried that I would forget the reason behind why we do what we do, that I’d become numb to the feeling of ending someone’s life. ”

“What kept you sane?” I croak, desperately needing to hear his answer. I need to know that the shadows won’t hold me within their grasp forever. Am I an idiot for thinking that Quinn could be the one to guide me into the light?

“Lara,” he says simply. “Every time I felt the darkness taking over, she was there to pull me back in, shine a light on the shadows clouding my mind, and remind me that while we may be ending one person’s life, we were also giving many others their lives back.”

We stand there quietly for a few moments until Lara comes and pulls Will away, muttering something about him needing to let the kids figure out their own paths.

I’ve only been part of the inner circle with this family for a few years, but I find comfort in knowing they’ve accepted me as I am, broken pieces and all.

Hailey’s panicked voice pulls my attention back to the group, and my vision immediately hones in on Quinn, bracing herself against the van. My body is moving towards her without hesitation, blood rushing in my ears as I watch Hailey wrap her hands around Quinn’s arms and guide her to the ground.

“What happened?” The words escape me on a harsh bark as I reach them, dropping to my knees in front of Quinn.

Resting one hand on her leg, I use the other to cup the side of her face and tilt her head back, trying to encourage her eyes to meet mine.

She mumbles incoherently as her glossy gaze wanders, not quite catching on anything.

“We were just loading up the van when she stumbled like she was lightheaded. She’s been fine all day. She hasn’t said anything about not feeling well,” Chelsea says, concern lacing her voice.

Based on what I know about Quinn, I’m willing to bet that she wouldn’t have said anything about needing to take a break.

She wouldn’t want anyone here to be worried about her, to see her as sick or less capable.

After what she overheard earlier and the conversation that followed, I doubt she has taken the time to focus on what her body needs.

“When was the last time you ate?” I ask, my voice stern as my eyes rake over her body to check for any sign of visible injury.

Her shoulder rises with a slight twitch. Did she just try to fucking shrug off my question? She’s clearly too tired to give me a verbal response. Her eyes don’t seem to be able to focus, and her skin is pale and clammy.

My eyes narrow at her dismissal. “Your blood sugar is too low,” I growl.

Chelsea offers to grab her something and rushes off.

Hailey, Ace, and Ethan, who must have shown up while I was busy worrying over my conversation with Quinn, gather around us.

I feel their presence more than I see it, not daring to tear my attention away from the woman before me.

When Chelsea finally returns, she hands me a couple of cookies wrapped in a napkin.

I break off a small piece of one and hold it up to Quinn’s mouth. “Open up,” I say through gritted teeth, doing my best to soften my tone. Her lips part, and I slip the piece of cookie into her mouth, waiting for her to chew and swallow it before repeating the process with another piece.

I know that her phone displays her levels and alerts her when they drop or climb, but I don’t know how to read them properly or understand fully what they mean.

After today, I plan on learning. For now, I need to make sure she is safe, get her out of here, and take her somewhere she’ll be more comfortable.

“I’ve got her. She needs some space,” I grunt, looking over my shoulder at the group.

“I’ll make sure she gets home safe.” They don’t need to know that by home I mean mine.

I’ll take her back to the apartment she shares with her friend Becca, but only so she can grab the essentials.

I don’t plan on letting her out of my sight until I know for sure she’s alright and gets the rest she needs.

When everyone has dispersed and she has eaten a couple of cookies, I help her get to her feet. Wrapping an arm around her waist, I guide her to my car. She shoves my hand away as I move to open the passenger side door. “I can take care of myself,” she snaps.

I fight back the chuckle threatening to burst free at her bratty display. Keeping my touch gentle, I grasp her chin between my thumb and forefinger, tipping her head back and forcing her eyes to meet mine. “But you shouldn’t always have to. Tonight, I’m taking care of you.”

Once she’s safely inside the car and buckled, I slip into the driver’s seat and open the navigation app on my phone.

Her address is the first location that pops up, saved from when I took her home the night before.

I take a minute to look over the route options, choosing the one that will get us to her apartment quickly while avoiding traffic if possible.

“You don’t have to fuss over me,” she mutters. Her words are still slurred as if she’s fighting back the desire to fall asleep. There’s a little more life in her cheeks now, and her eyes have a hint of the sparkle I’ve come to love that was missing earlier when I rushed to her side.

“I’m taking care of you because I want to, Sugar.

Not because I feel like I have to.” My voice is deep and even as I speak.

For a few minutes, the only sound that fills the car is the rumble of the engine, shifting gears, and the heavy rock music that I’ve turned down low enough that we can easily talk.

“I hate being treated like I’m less capable or broken because of this stupid disease.

” Her voice cracks on the last few words, and I glance her way just in time to catch her wiping away a tear as it rolls down her cheek.

“I just want one day where my body does what it’s supposed to.

One day where I don’t have to count carbs or wonder if I’m shaky because I’m tired or because my blood sugar is low.

One day where I don’t have to wonder if my headache is because I’m dehydrated or because my blood sugar is high.

” She sucks in a deep breath, her voice trembling as she mumbles, “One day where I don’t have to do it all. ”

My heart lurches in my chest, aching for her.

I’ve never put much thought into what it must be like to live with an invisible illness that impacts so many parts of your life.

The number of decisions she makes every day just to keep her body functioning sounds fucking exhausting.

And after all of that, to have a situation like today still make an appearance at the most inconvenient time has to feel beyond frustrating.

I reach over to take her hand in mine. “You’re not broken, Quinn.

You’re managing a silent disease and working your ass off while doing it.

You’re a badass,” I tell her, watching the way her cheeks flush a soft pink at my words.

“I can’t even imagine the battles you fight every single day.

I want to make sure that you’re safe and taken care of. ”

She turns her head towards me, her lips pressed tightly together as her eyes scan my face.

“What?” I ask. I’d give anything to know what thoughts are running through her mind right now.

“I’m trying to piece together this new version of you with the man I’ve built you up to be in my mind,” she says softly .

“I’ve never claimed to be a good man, Quinn.

Just a man who would never hurt you or put you in a position that could bring you harm.

I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life, but I’ve spent the last five years trying to move forward and carve out a new path for myself.

The organization that I’m part of gives good people their lives back.

” My hands are clenched around the steering wheel, knuckles turning white from my harsh grip.

There’s a buzzing sensation building in my stomach and climbing along my spine as I brace myself for her rejection.

“But you kill people,” she whispers. I’m not sure if she wants an answer from me or if she’s merely processing her thoughts out loud. I choose to answer anyway.

“I’ve never killed anyone.” The words taste bitter on my tongue.

It’s not a lie, but they still don’t feel true.

I’ve never directly killed anyone, but I’ve helped end plenty of lives through the intel I provide to Legion members.

Many targets would still be causing death and wreaking havoc if it weren’t for my ability to track their movements and patterns.

That doesn’t mean their deaths don’t still weigh heavily on my soul, but it gives me a way to justify them at the end of the day.

Can I be considered a killer if I’ve never been the one delivering the kill shot?