Page 17 of Finding Finn (Foggy Basin Season 2)

JIM

“ W here are you? I’ve got your burger, and Finn is looking for you.” Buffy snapped as soon as I answered the phone.

“I… I can’t…” I started to sob.

“Where are you?”

“I’m home and I… don’t want you to tell… Finn.”

“Are you ok?”

“No… I don’t think… I am.” I managed to say between breaths.

“I’m on my way over. I’ll tell him I need to go do something.” She hung up, and I sat on my couch, curled up in a blanket as I thought about the conversation I had heard.

Marcus?

How could he even consider…

I thought we had something special. It was fast. I knew that. But my feelings were real.

I loved him. I realized that pretty quickly. But love and lust are so difficult to unwind when you’re basking in the joy of something like we had. It was maddening and enthralling and took over every molecule inside. My universe had started to expand because of him.

I found Finn at the right time, and I thought he had also found himself here in our small town with me. He made it feel like he had.

Yet, there he was on the phone telling him that he would consider going back as if I meant absolutely nothing. As if this place and his job meant absolutely nothing to him.

He was cold and cunning.

He had made me believe, and now had crushed all of it into ashes with just a few words behind closed doors. Marcus? He said he hated him for what he had done. He cheated on him, and yet he was still taking his phone calls. He was thinking about going back to him? It made no sense. It was…

Broken. He fucking broke me. Something that no other man ever had done.

I sat in silence and wiped the tears as they fell. I fucking hated crying, and I hated crying over someone who didn’t deserve it. But the tears wouldn’t stop. My heart wouldn’t stop hurting, and all I could think about was why he would do this?

I heard Buffy’s door slam shut and her heels as she ran onto the porch. My door flew open and slammed behind her.

“Jim? What the fuck is going on?”

“I… Oh, Buffy. I…” The waterworks flooded, and all I could do was gasp and convulse.

Buffy ran around to me and threw her arms around me as I buried my head on her shoulder and let everything out. She would be as devastated as I was. But all I could think about was myself.

I was going to be lonely again. But this time, I would know what it was I lost. It would only make it worse.

“Jim… Honey, you have to tell me what’s happening. You’re freaking me out,” she sounded so scared. “Was it Mom or Dad?”

“No…” I sniffed. “Sorry, I… I didn’t think that you’d… I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be sorry, babe. Just tell me what’s wrong.” She rubbed my shorn head gently. “You’ve got me absolutely terrified.”

“I overheard Finn talking to… to… his… ex.”

“You what? No, it couldn’t be.”

“He was.”

I managed to pull my head off her shoulder.

“What did he say?”

“He’s thinking about going back to him. Marcus wants him back, and… I mean, he’s considering it. He didn’t tell him to fuck off, Buff. He told him that he’d think about it. How could he?”

“What?” She gasped. “He did that? I… I don’t believe it.”

“He even said something about going back to New York.”

“He’s going to leave us?”

“I guess.”

“Oh, honey… I’m,” she wiped a tear from her eye. “I’m so sorry. Are you… No, you’re not ok.”

“No… What’s worse, Buff… I love him.”

“I… I’m in shock.” She let go of me and put her hand on her pulse. “Yeah, my heart’s racing.”

“I meant nothing, I guess. He didn’t even… Why didn’t he say no?”

“I don’t know, honey. Did you talk to him?”

“No, I ran away like a little bitch. I had to get out of there. I… I couldn’t stop… crying.”

“Oh, my God, Jim! You needed to talk to him. Maybe you didn’t understand everything?”

“I understood plenty. I heard the words coming out of his mouth, Buff.”

“I… Fuck!” she screamed. “This is what I was… Why didn’t you two take it slow? I mean, I figured it would be you who’d break his heart, but… No! No! I am not going to stand here and let this happen on my watch. Get your ass up off the couch.”

“Why? What good would it do?”

“Do you love him?”

“I thought I…” I fucking burst into tears again. I was not used to this. I almost never cried, and this was absolutely horrible. I just wanted it to end. “I need to get angry. I need to stop feeling so shitty and lost.”

“Jim James, I told you to get off your fucking ass and go back to that theatre. If you love him, you have to tell him. You have to fight for your man. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. I know that he… I mean, I’d bet money on it.”

“If he loved me, Buff, then why would he say what he said to his ex? We’ve known each other for weeks, but they have had years.”

“Horrible, cheated on years. Do you really think he’d go back to New York and leave us with a show to do? That’s… That just pisses me off. It’s unprofessional!”

“Yes, that’s what you should get mad at. Fucking Annie. Fuck Annie.”

“Get up and march your ass to my truck, right now. Why do I always have to be the one to do shit around here? I said get your tight ass up off the couch, dumbass.”

I threw my hands up. I knew that she was not going to take no for an answer. Even if I didn’t want to, I needed to find out the truth. I needed to stop this fucking infernal crying. If the boys could see me now, they’d never stop teasing me.

“Go upstairs and wash your face. Screw your anger to the ground and let’s go talk to him. Let’s find out the fucking truth.”

“I’m not sure I can, Buff.”

“Yes, you can. Now get your ass up.”

I did what I was told. I walked upstairs, washed my face, and changed my shirt because it had become wet with my tears.

I stared at my sad reflection in the mirror.

People always thought that I was made of steel or something, but that was a lie.

I was made of tin. I was a tin man who could be damaged beyond repair with one blow.

The tin man… a man who had no heart. Did he have no heart because it was broken beyond repair?

I had cried enough tears for Finn. No, not for him – because of him.

He didn’t deserve them, did he? I walked downstairs and followed Buffy to her truck.

As we drove to the theatre, I felt like I was riding to my doom. I would never be the same.

Finn had broken me, and there was no wizard to put my heart back together.