Page 8 of Fated to the Alpha Warrior (The Wolf’s Forbidden Mate #1)

The pain, at least, seems to be settling, or maybe I’m just getting used to it. I’ve learned how to breathe through pain over the past five years; I’m more resilient than I was on that fateful day. Less optimistic and naive, too, I guess.

“Well, we have reason to believe that this madness has been caused by the fae,” Alpha Cade says, his words jerking my attention back toward him, and to the present. “A messenger from Pack Amethyst arrived yesterday?—”

“Wait.” It feels like an eternity before my mind catches up with what he’s saying. “The fae caused the madness? Not…”

Not genetics, I want to say. Not blood, or a curse that’s passed on by family members, or some inevitable, ineffable thing that makes me so hated and unwanted.

If it isn’t a sickness… if it can’t be passed on…

Mariana says, “Yes, we have evidence linking it quite firmly to the fae. That very same evidence seems to suggest that it’s the same madness that affected Pack Onyx, which means we missed something all those years ago when your pack was decimated.”

Digging my fingers into the armrests of my chair, I try to take in this new information without reacting.

Cade says, seemingly reluctantly, “I’ve given Kieran a mission: to trace the madness back to its source, which as far as we can tell, is Pack Onyx lands.

He’ll investigate the madness in other packs along the way, and you will accompany him on this mission. ”

It’s his final words that make me catch up and immediately react.

“No, I—I can’t. We haven’t even seen each other in years, and the rejected bond…

” I look over at him, begging and pleading with my eyes, even though I know it’s useless.

His ice-blue gaze stares through me unfeelingly, and I glance at his scar again, wondering how he got it.

“There’s no way. It won’t work. Besides, I know nothing about the madness.

I was just a baby when it took my pack. There’s nothing I can do to help. ”

“Ah, but you can,” Elder Cahan says in a quiet voice.

“I’ve researched pack lore for years, and one thing I know the most about is our lands.

Your connection to Pack Onyx lands lives in your blood, regardless of where you were raised or which pack you call your own.

That connection may be crucial in discovering what happened—which is why Kieran will need you with him when he arrives there to investigate. ”

I can’t say anything in response to that, because I’ve researched the same pack lore.

He’s right—my blood will awaken Pack Onyx lands as its only remaining shifter.

I used to think that was one of the reasons why I couldn’t shift, until I did more research, and discovered that I’m alone in the malady affecting me.

I decided then that it was the madness, and stopped trying to find answers that might help me shift.

If the fae had something to do with the madness, though, and it’s not a sickness or a curse I was born with, then that begs the question: why can’t I shift?

“You may be able to find out more about what happened to your pack, including your parents, if you go.” Elder Mariana’s voice is calm and assured.

“When a shifter returns to their ancestral lands, the connection can be quite strong and overwhelming. Especially if no shifters have set foot there for a while—in this case, over two decades. There may be answers there waiting for you.”

It’s a tempting offer. I’ve always wanted to know more about what happened to my pack. Especially my family.

I want to say no to this, to declare that I’d rather be exiled than do their bidding. Just being in the same room as Kieran hurts like a knife through the chest. But I can’t refuse to look into the past when it may hold the answers I’ve been looking for my entire life.

Sneaking another glance at him, I wonder idly why he hasn’t spoken this whole meeting. He looks bored, uninterested even, despite the fact that this affects him too. My eyes trail up and down the scar, which somehow only adds to his attractiveness, and it’s all I can do not to demand answers.

Why reject me. Why refuse to give me a second chance. Why be kind to me all those years, if secretly he loathed me so much that the mere thought of being with me was worth denying fate itself.

There are no answers behind his cold blue eyes.

But there may be answers for me on Pack Onyx lands.

So I turn to Alpha Cade and tell him, with more confidence than I feel, “I’ll help with the investigation in any way that I can, even if that means working with your son.

As long as I get to return to Pack Onyx lands and find out for myself what happened there—yes, I’m in. ”

“I wasn’t asking,” he says in rebuke, a dominant wolf’s growl in his tone. “It wasn’t up to you to decide for yourself if you’re going or not. This is an order directly from your alpha, Aurora Blackburn, and you will obey.”

Kieran winces, and the elders shift a little, but I feel next to nothing.

The dominance of other shifters doesn’t seem to affect me very much, maybe because I don’t have a wolf of my own.

I make myself flinch anyway, hiding as always the fact that I’m different—after all, a shifter as weak as me should be cowering in fear belly-up at his words, not planning what to pack.

“Apologies,” I tell him, lowering my head and looking away. “I’ve lived too long on the outskirts of the pack, and I forgot myself.”

I don’t say anything else for the remainder of the meeting, which trails off with little more than a few planned logistics. The only thing I really tune in for is when Kieran speaks up.

“We’ll meet at the southeast road before sundown,” he says, addressing the whole table even though he’s really only speaking to me. “I’ll have to budget in extra time to my schedule to allow for certain… travel difficulties.”

Raising my chin, I tell him, “Don’t worry, I won’t fall behind. I can keep up with you.”

For the first time since I walked into the room, he meets my eyes.

A jolt of energy goes through me, so sharp and sudden that I hiss in surprise.

His eyes widen briefly, his jaw clenching, and for a moment I think that it affects him too—that he feels this thing between us, a fissure he caused, a connection he denied—only for the moment to pass so quickly that it’s as if I hallucinated it.

Disappointment rises in my throat, hot and bitter, and I reprimand myself for even thinking that he cared.

I know he never did.

It’s time that I accept that, once and for all.

“It’ll only take a few weeks, I’m sure,” I tell Dana, who is less than thrilled to have learned that Alpha Cade and the elders are basically forcing me to travel across the country with Kieran, against my objections.

“We don’t have much land to cover, and there isn’t much to look into anyway.

If this is the fae, they’re just as secretive as ever, and it’s not as if we can just pop over to their realms and ask them what they’re up to and why. ”

The fae realms are difficult, if not impossible, to traverse—and those who do go rarely find themselves able to return.

I know more about the fae than most, having listened to every single bit of information Gran had to tell me, and even I know very little about their realms other than the fact that they exist.

“I can’t believe that they’re sending you off with that bastard,” Dana spits, pacing back and forth in my bedroom as I pack my bags. “They can’t expect you to just… go with him and pretend like nothing happened. He’s an asshole! A piece of shit!”

“As much as I appreciate your BFF levels of loyalty, and trust me, I do, this is about more than just me and Kieran.” I decide that I’ll probably want at least one pair of waterproof boots, and throw those in with what I’m packing.

“This is about my family. My pack. My origin story. If I figure this out…”

My throat closes up, and suddenly I can’t finish. A quiet, palpable silence descends. Dana breaks it by softly saying, “I hope you find what you’re looking for. Fuck knows you deserve it.”

“Thank you,” I tell her. “And I know you just want to protect me. It’s what you’re good at, after all.”

Her lips quirk up. “Damn straight.” Flopping down on my bed, she sighs and says, “I can’t believe they’ve been blaming you for the madness all this time when it was the fucking fae. What a joke. I mean, we always knew it wasn’t you?—”

“Did we?” She cuts her eyes at me. “I don’t know, I guess some part of me was always worried maybe I did have something to do with it, and that’s why I can’t shift.”

“Never,” Dana says fiercely, reaching out to squeeze my hand. “It wasn’t you, Rory, not now and not ever. We always knew that, or I did at least, and now they know it too. They have to know it.”

I twine my fingers with hers, not speaking any of my hopes aloud. It’s too late for most of the things I want, anyway: to be able to shift, to know where I came from and who I am, to be accepted by my pack and have a family.

I refuse to let myself think about Kieran and the mate bond. That’s a road I don’t walk down, even in my mind. Hoping for him to accept me is something I moved past a long time ago. If anything, he should be the one hoping that I forgive him—and I never, ever will.

“After all this time, they finally have some use for me. I thought it would feel good,” I admit to Dana, “but it just feels hollow. It’s like I’m a pawn in a game I don’t understand, and I’m still trying to play anyway.”

“You’re going to show them what they’re missing out on. I just wish I was there to see it.”

We stay like this for a moment, her hand in mine, until I have to get back to packing.

Trading jokes and memories—that shirt I stole from her, the dress she gave me for my twentieth birthday, and a pair of shoes I never wear but swear I will one day —we don’t talk about what all this could mean.

What could change, and what could stay the same.

I don’t speak my deepest fear out loud for her to hear it: that I’ll get all the way there only to find out I’m never going to shift at all.

As the day stretches out, I finish packing, and we throw my stuff into the back of her truck, then load my motorcycle with the ramp. Strapping it down, we head out together, making a pit stop on the way to pick up Gran.

The three of us listen to oldies and belt the lyrics out the windows as Dana drives to the edges of pack lands, then stops near where I’m meant to meet Kieran.

A silence descends as we all consider what’s going to happen next—and as I realize that I’m going to leave Pack Jade lands for the first time since I was found as a baby and brought to the orphanage.

“You’ll have to text us whenever you can,” Gran says, “just make sure to use a big enough font. You know I can’t read the words when you send it in those tiny letters.”

I glance at Dana, who promises, “I’ll adjust the settings on her new phone… again. ”

Laughing, I hug her, then hug Gran. Then hug them both again another time, wishing I could stay by them forever, or that they could come with me.

I know it’s almost time to go when that old familiar pain flares in my chest, announcing that he’s near.

“Stay safe,” Carrie says, holding my hands and wiping tears from her eyes. “I guess I always knew that you were meant for bigger things, I just… I just didn’t know it would be this much bigger.”

I smile at her. “I love you, Gran.” Then I grab Dana in a headlock. “And you, Dana-bear.”

“You upstart.” She wrestles me off, then smiles at me, her eyes only a little wet. “Give ’em hell, Rory.”

That I will.