Page 39 of Fated to the Alpha Warrior (The Wolf’s Forbidden Mate #1)

Kieran

Aurora snores in her sleep. Just a little, not a lot, but it’s something I never noticed until now. Then again, maybe she’s never slept this deeply.

She’s certainly never been fucked so well .

That thought should bring me comfort. I’m the only man who’s ever been inside her. Even now, as she sleeps in my arms, beneath a pile of blankets, my warm, wet release trickles between her thighs. I’ve claimed her in a primal way, a way that gives me satisfaction.

But I still haven’t made her my mate, haven’t completed the mate bond. As soon as we were done, our cries fading, the bond was broken again. And now I’m coming to the cold, stark realization that I can’t do anything about that, because nothing has truly changed between us.

Only now I’ve given her one more reason to hate me for the rest of our lives.

She’s curled against my chest, her ash blonde hair spread across my skin like silk, her breath coming in soft, even puffs between the snores.

The bond between us is strong and urgent, pushing for me to bite her, claim her, wake her with my teeth—and my cock, which is half-hard just from the brush of her soft skin in sleep.

Yet I can never have her again, not if I’m being honest with myself.

I can’t stop staring at her. The delicate curve of her cheek, the fan of her pale lashes, how she parts her lips in sleep.

Even her snores are perfect. She looks peaceful like this, all the tension gone from her face, which is how I realize I’m used to her wearing an expression of wariness and distrust. For once there’s no pain lining her mouth or tensing her brows.

My fingers itch to trace the lines of her face, feel the dips in her skin, touch her nipples again, but I don’t want to wake her. Not yet. Not when I know this perfect moment can’t last, because soon, she’ll hate me again.

The things we shared tonight… I never thought I’d have this.

Never thought she’d trust me enough to let me touch her, let alone give me her first time.

The memory of her pleasure, the way she cried out my name, the feeling of finally being inside her, as I was always meant to be—it’s burned into my soul.

And the bond. For a few, precious moments it was whole again. It let me feel everything she felt, and only now do I realize how dim and faded those feelings were before. As we came together, it all poured in: her pleasure, her trust, her devotion, her…

Love.

The realization is what’s kept me up even after she fell asleep.

It sends a spike of panic through me as the world wakes and dawn breaks on the horizon, soft light creeping through the distant trees.

With it comes the cold reality that what we’ve done…

what I’ve done, can never be again, and never should’ve happened to begin with.

My father’s voice berates me: Weakness is poison to a pack. An alpha must be strong above all else.

Looking down at Aurora’s sleeping face, my chest aches once more. She deserves so much better than me. Better than a man who hurt her so deeply.

And I will hurt her again. I know this with bone-deep certainty. The reasons I rejected her five years ago haven’t changed. I’m still not strong enough to shelter her from the consequences of claiming her, to protect her from the politics and pressure of being an alpha’s mate without a wolf.

She still can’t shift. And though I love her anyway, I can’t have her. Because that weakness is one I can’t afford to allow into my life.

Carefully, moving as slowly as I can, I begin to shift her out of my arms. She makes a small sound of protest that nearly breaks me, but I force myself to push past it. Better to end this now, before I hurt her even more deeply.

Just as I manage to slip free, her eyes flutter open. One blue, one amber, both confused as she looks up at me.

“Kieran?” Her voice is soft, hesitant. “What’s wrong? Is it…”

The fae? No. She seems to realize that before she even finishes asking the question.

What’s wrong? Nothing. Everything. Me. I can’t answer.

“This was a mistake,” I say instead, the words bitter and hateful in my mouth. “We got caught up in the moment, but it can’t happen again.”

I watch the pain bloom in her eyes, see her rebuild every brick in the wall between us at once.

She pulls the blanket up to cover her naked body as she sits up, shivering as soon as she leaves the cocoon of our shared warmth.

The broken mate bond pulses with her pain, and I desperately want to take the words back, to gather her in my arms and never let her go.

But I can’t.

“A mistake.” The flat, angry way she repeats my words can’t cover the depth of her agonizing pain. “Right. Of course it was, because I still can’t shift, and you… you’re still the alpha’s son.”

She starts gathering her clothes, movements stiff and angry and she jerks them on over her body to cover her vulnerability. I want to help her, but I force myself to stay back, knowing that a single graze of my fingers over her soft skin might break me.

“Aurora, it’s not that?—”

“Don’t.” Her voice cracks. “Just… don’t. I don’t want to hear whatever excuse you’re about to give me.”

“It’s not an excuse.” The words burn coming out. “You deserve better than?—”

“Than what?” She whirls on me, eyes bright with tears.

“Than you? Than this broken, awful thing between us, not quite mates, not quite nothing? You’re right, I do deserve better than that.

I deserve someone who loves me, who can say so without cringing.

Someone who won’t keep playing with my feelings like this. ”

Each word is a knife to my chest. “I’m not playing?—”

“Then what do you call tonight?” She gestures between us with shaking hands. “You kiss me, touch me, fuck me, make me feel things that I didn’t think I’d ever—” Breaking off, she wraps her arms around herself, as if to ward it all away. “And then you reject me all over again. It’s cruel, Kieran.”

“I know.” My voice comes out rough. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have had sex with you. It was a mistake, but I never meant to hurt you.”

Her laugh is a broken sound that wounds me. “That’s the thing, though, isn’t it? You did mean to hurt me. Five years ago, when you rejected me in front of everyone, you made sure to be as cruel as possible. And now you’re doing it again.”

“It’s not the same?—”

“Yes it is!” Angry, frustrated tears spill down her cheeks, one after the other.

“You still think I’m not good enough for you, and you’re still so wrapped up in your father’s opinion that I don’t even know if you have one of your own.

You let him dictate your life, your choices…

” She laughs as she cries. “No, I shouldn’t blame him for your choices.

This is what you want, isn’t it? To use me and throw me away.

Because I’m not enough for you, and I never will be. ”

I feel as if someone is reaching into my chest with dull, blunt fingers, pushing past my rib cage, and tearing my heart out. “Aurora, if you could just?—”

“Save it.” Snarling, she hastily wipes her eyes and lifts her chin to me in defiance. “I don’t want to hear it, any of it. This is the last time, Kieran. I won’t let you close again, won’t ever consider you a friend. You’ll never have a single piece of me. Not anymore.”

She grabs her things and packs them into her bike with trembling fingers. I want to help her, to explain, to make her understand. But what could I possibly say? She’s right about it, all of it.

I’m a coward. An asshole. The way I treat her is unacceptable. And I can’t even say that I have a good enough reason, because a better man would change the world to give her a place in it.

She walks her bike toward the road and starts the engine, climbing on as dawn breaks across the horizon.

I don’t have to ask her where she’s going or what she’s doing; I have no doubt that she’s taking the northern road, in defiance of me, to warn the packs.

After that, wherever she goes, whatever she does…

I know that I’ve lost her for good this time.

So I don’t move. I don’t say anything. I can only watch as she starts her engine and speeds toward the road, taking part of me with her.

My wolf howls in anguish and pain, furious with me, clawing at my insides. The pain of rejection burns inside me, scalding my throat, worse than ever before, all because I had her and lost her.

This is what I wanted, I remind myself. To keep her safe. To be strong. To love her from a distance, and only ever a distance.

But all I feel right now is a deep, unending anguish… and regret.

I may have just made the biggest mistake of my life.

Again.