Page 16

Chapter 16

What You Can’t Have

ZARA

I smell bacon.

For some reason, that eases my nerves at the thought of seeing Chance after what we did last night.

And they say bacon is bad for you.

I follow the mouthwatering scent all the way down to the kitchen, reminding myself that Chance said we should keep our distance. Especially in front of our parents. So if he acts like nothing happened last night, I shouldn’t let it get to me.

If Scott’s demands had that effect on Chance, I can only imagine how Ares will behave. He’s closed off at the best of times, so I brace myself for being treated as if I were invisible.

I’m so preoccupied with my thoughts that I don’t notice the surreal scene in the kitchen for a few seconds.

“Good morning, sweetheart.” Mom beams, flipping a pancake on a griddle.

“Morning, Zara. I hope you slept well last night and are ready for your first day of college.” Scott smiles, lifting a whisk from a huge glass bowl.

I blink a couple of times to make sure that I’m not still asleep and dreaming. I’ve been living in this house for a week, and usually we fend for ourselves at breakfast; unless it’s the weekend, when the housekeeper prepares a huge spread that she serves in the dining room.

“What are you two doing here?” I can’t hide my surprise. “Shouldn’t you be having breakfast at the Country Club, or something?”

I mean, they got married yesterday. The last thing I expected was to find them in the kitchen making pancakes.

Scott answers my question. “That was the original plan, but we got up early and we decided to come home and make breakfast for everyone. You and Chance have a big day ahead of you, and we wanted to send you off with a special meal. Eat breakfast as a family.”

He puts emphasis on family, as his blue eyes, so similar to Chance’s, linger on me to spy my reaction.

“Hey Kelly,” Chance walks into the kitchen. “Dad?” he looks as surprised as I was a second ago.

Our parents repeat the explanation they just gave me, as if they had rehearsed it.

The patio door that leads to the deck opens. “Good morning. Do I smell bacon?” Lev asks, poking his head in.

“Ah, Lev.” Scott smiles again. “I was wondering when you’d show up. Sit down, I’m making my world famous Eggs a la Hunter. There’s enough for you, too.”

Lev rubs his hands together, taking a seat at the kitchen table. “You don’t have to ask me twice, Scott, thank you. I was planning to stop by the drive-through for breakfast on our way to class, but this is a treat I’m definitely not going to pass on.”

Ares steps into the kitchen in that moment, looking at our parents and then at us, a silent question etched on his face.

He looks so handsome in his dark blue cop uniform that I have to force my gaze away before my ogling becomes too obvious.

Like each of us, Ares voices his surprise at seeing our parents at work in the kitchen. “Did I hear you’re making Eggs Hunter? You haven’t made those in a while, not since…” his voice dies down, as if he regretted taking the conversation in that direction.

That tells me that Scott must have not made his famous eggs after Atlas passed.

“Pancakes are ready,” Mom’s voice goes up a notch, in the obvious attempt to fill the heavy silence that descended into the kitchen at the veiled mention of Atlas. “Come on guys, take a seat and start serving yourselves. The eggs won’t be long.”

Chance makes a show of walking around the table to take a seat as far as humanly possible from me.

A look passes between him and Ares, and his older brother follows Chance’s lead.

Lev looks at them with a quizzical expression on his handsome face, but he doesn’t say anything, taking a seat next to me.

We start passing serving platters around once Scott brings his famous poached eggs on avocado toast.

Our parents ask us questions about the first class of our college careers, and it all feels a little surreal; as if we were trapped inside a 1980s sit com.

As I finish that thought, the patio door opens again and Heather practically skips inside the kitchen, coming to sit next to me.

“Heather, what a nice surprise.” Scott beams. “Let me get you a plate. There’s more than enough food for you to join us.”

The sheriff’s daughter declines politely. “Thanks, Scott, but I have my green smoothie with me.” She lifts her pink travel mug. “I have to stay in shape if I want a shot into the performing cheerleading team. This year, the team has recruited me and a few other star cheerleaders to have a shot at winning nationals. But as a freshman, a spot on the mat isn’t guaranteed.”

Scott nods. “Your commitment is admirable, Heather. I’m sure it won’t go unnoticed by the coaching team.”

We eat making small talk for a while.

“Well then,” Scott rises from his chair, collecting some of the empty plates. “You guys should get going. I don’t know today’s professors, but back in my day, arriving late to the first class, would put a target on your back. That’s especially true for Chance and Lev, once hockey practice begins. But you already attended summer training, so you know how much Coach Harrison hates tardiness.”

I take mine and Lev’s plates, but Scott intercepts them.

“Don’t worry about that, Zara. Your mom and I will clean up.”

I’m about to protest, but Ares precedes me.

“Thank you for the awesome breakfast, Dad. But shouldn’t you and Kelly be off to the airport? I thought you were going on a honeymoon.”

Mom answers his question. “We are,” she sounds excited. “But our flight isn’t until this afternoon, so we wanted to see you off to school and work, and we’re going to pop in to City Hall, to make sure the deputy mayor doesn’t need anything last minute.”

Scott pulls Mom against his side, dropping a kiss on her temple. “Yup. And then it’s going to be just the two of us, the sun, and the sand for two entire weeks.”

“I can’t wait.” Mom’s dreamy expression is something I don’t remember seeing in years.

“You guys have a great time,” Chance says, rising from his own chair. “But three of us have classes at eight this morning. So Lev and Zara, if you want a ride, you better be ready to go.”

He doesn’t even look at me when he says that.

Even though we agreed to be cool and distant in front of our parents, I’d be lying if I said that the way his gaze avoids me doesn’t hurt.

“I’m ready,” I say, forcing myself not to look at him.

“Great, but you’re riding with me.” Heather smiles, linking her arm with mine. “Let the jocks go together. We have a lot of classes in the same building, and two classes together. Come on, I need my crew with me. Angela is pre-med, and she has so many science classes. I want to gag. Besides, if you’re free in the afternoon, you should come to cheerleading tryouts.”

I appreciate Heather’s willingness to include me, but I’m not feeling her plan. “Heather, seriously. I’m not cheerleading material. Especially not in a competitive team, I?—”

Heather swats my protest away with a flick of her perfectly manicured hand. “I know that. I’m not asking you to try out. But the team captain is also the new president of Zeta Theta Beta, and I wanted to introduce you before rush week starts this weekend. I’m a legacy, but I’m sure that the second Candace sees you, you’ll score an invitation to pledge.”

I start shaking my head. “I don’t know if I want to?—”

“That’s an amazing idea!” Mom interjects. “Thank you, Heather, for including her. Zara doesn’t know anyone in town. I know Shell Cove is just next-door, but she’s been away for a few years. I’ll feel better to know that you girls are sticking together.”

I sigh at Mom’s enthusiasm.

She isn’t completely wrong about that being a great way to make new friends. And I do like Heather. She’s a little intense, but she’s been nothing but kind to me since we met.

“I guess there’s no harm in checking the Zetas out.” I relent.

What I don’t say out loud is that if I don’t like the vibe, I can always make myself scarce next time.

“Yay!” Heather jumps up and down. “We’re going to have so much fun together, Zara! I promise.”

She’s so full of energy and so peppy, she was made for cheerleading.

Heather unlocks her red Mustang convertible. “Take shotgun. Angela can ride in the back seat today.”

“Hey Heath,” Ares’s deep voice reaches us from behind. “If Angela isn’t ready, you better not forget the speed limit.”

Heather rolls her eyes as she opens the driver’s door. “I’m gonna text her to make sure she’s waiting for us outside. Don’t worry, I don’t want another ticket. He pulled me over last spring and gave me a ticket for speeding. Can you imagine? My Dad’s the freaking sheriff. He wasn’t impressed.” She explains for my benefit.

Ares crosses his arms over his chest, the movement making his biceps bulge and strain against the short sleeves of his shirt. “He wasn’t impressed that his own daughter thinks she’s above the law. And you better send that text before you start driving.”

Heather’s second eye roll is way harder than the first. “Yes, Dad. Let’s go, Zara. Ares is grumpy any day of the week, but this morning he’s acting as if someone had pissed in his cereal.”

“Ha ha.” Ares barks. “You’re so funny.” He hasn’t said a word to me all morning, but as Heather drives off, I can still feel his eyes on me like a hot brand.

LEV

The drive to campus takes ten minutes, maybe a little longer, with the morning traffic.

I know something is wrong with Chance without him needing to say one word. Actually, I know that something’s wrong because he doesn’t say a single word.

I bide my time until he finds parking near the Human Sciences building. “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong, or are you going to make me guess?”

The tick in his jaw and the stony expression on his face tell me it’s the second option. He’s still holding onto the steering wheel with white-knuckle force.

“Chance, come on. It’s me, dude. Did you have a fight with Ares? He looked as furious as you do. More than usual, I mean.”

My best friend remains tight-lipped. Fine, I’ll keep guessing.

“Did you have a fight about Zara? I saw the way he cut in while you were dancing with her last night. And everyone saw how close they were dancing. I’m gonna take an educated guess and assume that it isn’t just the two of us who want to date Zara?”

“We’re gonna be late for class if we don’t make a move.” He says, as if he hadn’t heard one word I just said.

Maybe it’s worse than I thought. Maybe Zara likes Ares, and there’s nothing either of us can do to change that. I almost tell him my theory out loud, but it doesn’t make sense.

If that was the case, why would Ares look so pissed off?

“It’s a fucking shit show.” Chance finally says.

He spills the beans, and it’s worse than I thought. I was correct that Ares wants Zara, too. But that’s the least of our problems.

“Did Scott really say that he expects the two of you to treat her like a sister?”

He nods. “Kelly too. You’ve seen them this morning. They want to pretend we’re one big, huge family. As if we’d grown up together. As if Atlas didn’t leave a gaping hole in all of our lives. They don’t give a fuck about what we want and how we feel. They expect us to march to their tune, and they’re prepared to cut us off if we don’t do as we’re told.”

That’s crazy.

“Come on. I don’t believe Scott would really cut you off.”

Chance shakes his head, his tone more bitter with every word he says. “I thought so too, but you should have heard him, Lev. I’ve had time to think about it all night. I didn’t sleep a fucking wink. Dad by himself would probably try to threaten us with consequences if we didn’t fall in line. But Kelly? She’s the fucking enforcer. She shipped Zara off to boarding school for disobeying her two years ago. And that ridiculous motorcycle ban Dad persuaded the council to vote on? It was her idea.”

That isn’t news to me. Both parents helped Scott draft the proposal for the new bill banning motorcycles within city limits. Kelly was the one who inspired our newly elected mayor to ban all kinds of motorcycles, and the ban includes quad bikes too.

“So, what are you going to do?” I ask.

He tells me his plan to wait until the dust settles and get to know Zara better in the meantime. “I like her more than I’ve ever liked anyone,” he admits. “But if I’m gonna hurt my dad and my brother, I need to be one hundred percent sure that she’s the one. Our parents will have to come around, eventually.”

I’m surprised that Chance is willing to be this patient. His temper usually runs hot, so if he’s keeping it in check, he must care about Zara more than I thought.

“Does Zara know about all this?”

Chance sighs. “I couldn’t let her believe that I didn’t want her anymore. She also needs to know what Kelly expects from her. Staying away from her isn’t going to be easy, but we have no choice.”

I clap him on the shoulder. “I’m sorry, dude. For what it’s worth, I think your parents’ idea of you being siblings is totally ridiculous.”

His reaction surprises me. “You don’t need to pretend that this isn’t good news for you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I frown.

He barks out a bitter laugh, climbing out of his truck and slamming the door as if it had personally offended him.

“Chance.” I run after him, grabbing his shoulder to make him slow his roll. “What the fuck did you mean?”

“With me and Ares out of the game, you’re free to pursue her without any interference. We’ve always been like brothers, but my old man can’t tell you what to do.”

Fuck.

I don’t even know what to say. Technically, he’s right, but it’s not that simple.

“Do you really think that I can be happy if you and Ares are hurting?” I grind out, tightening my grip on his forearm. People are walking around us to get into the buildings, throwing curious looks in our direction, but I don’t give a fuck.

“Does that mean that you aren’t going to ask Zara out?” his jaw ticks with barely repressed anger.

“No.” I admit.

“Then I rest my fucking case. Don’t pretend that our parents’ fucked up plans don’t pave the way for you to swoop in and ask Zara to be your girlfriend.”

I run a hand over my face.

This is why I don’t do relationships. This shit’s fucking complicated.

“If you’re asking me to wait until you figure out how to see Zara without hurting your family, the answer is no,” I say honestly. “I want to get to know her better and ask her to be my girlfriend, eventually. But I also know that she likes you, too. And by the looks of it, she isn’t indifferent to Ares either. I don’t want Zara to choose me because I’m the only one who isn’t off-limits to her. But I’m also not going to wait for weeks, maybe months, and let someone else get her attention.”

Chance’s stony expression is full of distrust. It hurts a little, because we’ve had each other’s backs since we were kids.

“You’ll have to figure out things with your family, and with Ares. All I can promise you is that if, by that time, Zara is still interested in you, I won’t stand in your way if you want to shoot your shot with her.”

Incredulity is written all over my best friend’s face. I get it. I can’t fucking believe what I just said, either.

“Why the fuck would you do that?” Chance asks.

I pull him into a headlock, dragging him toward the Human Sciences building. “Because I want Zara to be all in if she chooses me. And because you’re the brother I’ve never had. I can’t be happy if I know that you’re hurting.”

Chance pushes me away, but then slaps my back, his tone grateful. “What if Zara chose me?”

I sigh. “We’ll cross that bridge if it comes to that. But she won’t. She’s going to choose me.”

He laughs, but this time there’s a hint of amusement in his eyes. “We’ll see about that. What are we going to do about Ares?”

“He’s going to have to figure his shit out by himself.” I shrug. “Look, he’s like an older brother to me. And what I said to you a second ago still stands. I want Zara to choose me without any what ifs. I guess Ares is included in that. Let’s go now, dude. We’re gonna be late for class.”