Page 30 of Falling Too Soon (Seasons of Love #1)

DAPHNE

I was rethinking and second-guessing everything, especially my relationship with Marcus.

I knew Marcus wasn’t my person, but he had my head so fucked up that I wasn’t sure of anything anymore.

Was any of it real? I replayed every moment of my time with Marcus and at the cabin with Nathan.

The drive home felt like the longest of my life.

Home. I didn’t have a home anymore, did I?

The home I built with Marcus wasn’t mine.

It was a lie. It was a placeholder. But for what?

When I did finally leave Marcus, it felt like a huge weight was lifted off me.

Lexi had asked me why I stayed with him for so long, and I think it was because he made me believe I was the problem.

I was the broken one who would leave perfectly fine relationships for “no reason” in the past, and so I made myself stay because he was so good at manipulating me into thinking I was the issue.

But wasn’t I the issue? I just ran from what could possibly have been the best man I had ever met.

And for what? Because of the timing? Maybe I wasn’t cut out for relationships. Maybe I was destined to be alone.

When I arrived at Lexi’s place, she greeted me at the door the way she always did after a particularly hard day, with a hug and a glass of wine.

“Hey babe,” she said as she squeezed me tight. “You okay?”

“No,” I sobbed into her hair. “I am most definitely not okay.” I squeezed her back just as hard.

Lexi and I had been friends for years after meeting when she came to work in my department at the hospital.

We became fast friends and have seen each other through some pretty tough situations.

I loved her like she was family. Fuck, she was family.

I pulled myself away from her and wiped my face with my sleeve. I’m sure I looked like a total train wreck, but I didn’t care, and I knew Lexi didn’t care either. “I’m so glad you didn’t have to work tonight. I just needed some Lexi time,” I hiccuped.

“I’ve got you, babe. Even if I were on the schedule tonight, I would have called out for you.

Let’s face it though, I call out if the wind blows the wrong way,” she laughed.

It was true, though. Lexi had a love-hate relationship with work.

She loved the money but hated to work. It wasn’t that she hated being a nurse necessarily.

More like she didn’t want to work at all.

But she also didn’t want to be someone’s trophy wife.

Lexi was a complex and independent woman, and I was grateful to have her in my life.

She pushed the wine glass into my hand and ushered me to the couch, where she had snacks already waiting for me on the coffee table.

All of my favorites were there—cheese and caramel popcorn, multiple varieties of gummy candy, and beef jerky.

I know, I know, a weird combo, but my favorites, nonetheless.

I definitely lucked out in the bestie department.

We sat facing each other with our legs curled up on the couch and a fluffy throw blanket over us.

I swallowed a big swig of wine and then took a deep breath.

Lexi already knew the bulk of what was going on and I didn’t particularly feel like rehashing everything, but I knew she’d give it to me straight.

“Tell me I’m doing the right thing.”

“I’m not you, Daphne,” she winced. “I’m not a relationship girl, so I couldn’t say. I would have left, but not for the same reasons you did.” She was right, of course. Lexi didn’t do relationships. She did friends with benefits, one-night stands, and situationships, whatever that meant.

“Yeah, I know that, but I guess I need some reassurance that I’m not crazy for walking out on something that could have been something because it felt too soon, ya know?”

“You are not crazy. Period,” Lexi said definitively. “You are emotional and impulsive sometimes, but not crazy. If you felt like it was too soon to start something with the sex god, then it was too soon. Take some time and get your head right, and then you can reevaluate.”

“But what if I fucked this up beyond repair? What if I decide I was wrong, but Nathan’s already moved on when I reach out? I’m freaking out, Lexi. I feel like I’m always leaving relationships or potential relationships. What if I’m the problem?”

“You listen to me and you listen good. You are not the problem, bitch. Your feelings are valid. Marcus fucked with your head for far too long, and you need some time to get your mind right. I fully support your taking a break and doing just that.” Lexi sounded so sure of what she said that I almost believed her, even if the voice in the back of my mind was still unsure.

We continued to chat and eat and drink, and I was just starting to feel a little calmer when my phone buzzed in my bag.

Lexi gave me a knowing look. It was one of three people.

Marcus, Nathan, or my mom, whom I had still yet to tell about my situation.

It wasn’t that I wasn’t close with my mom, I was, but she was also a huge fan of Marcus and I hadn’t been looking forward to that particular conversation.

I huffed, made an exaggerated show of getting up, and rolled my eyes as I stalked over to my bag that I had left by the entryway.

Fucking Marcus. Of course, it was him again . He was really getting on my nerves, so I decided I was going to give him a piece of my mind this time. “What?” I snapped as I answered his call.

“Hey babe,” he slurred his words as if he’d been drinking. “I’ve missed you so much. When are you coming home?”

“You’re delusional, Marcus. I broke up with you and moved out, remember?” I quipped.

“Daph, there’s no way we’re over. I love you, and we’re so good together.

I miss you so much. Just come home and we can sort this all out.

” Marcus must have really believed his own bullshit.

How could he think I’d come back, especially after all the unhinged messages he’d sent me over the past week?

“Marcus, we are done. I’m not coming back. I do not miss you. Please stop calling me.” I sighed. He was so exhausting, and I was over this conversation. “Goodbye, Marcus.”

I hung up the phone and immediately blocked Marcus on everything.

I was done dealing with the constant texts and calls.

I don’t know why I hadn’t done it sooner.

As I went to put my phone down, it chimed with an incoming text.

It was Nathan checking to make sure I got home okay.

I let out a slow exhale as I stared at my phone.

Shit, I totally forgot that I promised to let him know I got in safe.

I tapped out a quick reply that I was fine and then turned my phone off completely.

I needed bestie time without distractions of the male variety.