Page 114 of Falling Offsides

Signaling the server over, I take care of the check and order an Uber. Forwarding the details to Courtney before I head out.

Although she said she needed a moment, it’s obvious she meant she needs space. I can’t begrudge her that. I can’t be mad at her for not understanding why I couldn’t stop myself from watching her. Why there isn’t a single line in this goddamn universe that could keep me from her. Not a single rule I won’t break and rewrite for her.

And maybe it’s time I made her understand.

TWENTY-TWO

COURTNEY

“Wait, say that again,”Delilah says with a yawn while I continue pacing one of the small cubicles of the gender neutral bathroom.

“I thought I had it all figured out in my head, Dee. Like, I was ready to throw caution to the wind and give him a chance.” I pause, staring at my tear streaked face in the small, cloudy mirror above the sink. “Now he comes at me with this? Watching me in my apartment!”

“Umm…” Delilah hums. “I’m not sure what to say here. Does it surprise you?”

“What?”

“Think about it. Like, every conversation we’ve had about the guy revolves around him being everywhere you look and knowing what you want… when you want it…” I swallow at her observation that I should have made for myself already. “How many times have we called him a stalker, Courtney?”

“Auguste’s never intentionally harmed me…”

“Not all fucking stalkers are assholes. Besides, if we think about dating in general, it’s one big stalking loop, right? Look at my parents, my dad pursued my mom until she got so sick and tired of his face everywhere, she agreed to go on a date. Now, they’ve been married for thirty-two years and she’s got his phone and every fucking tracking app going stalking his ass everywhere.”

That actually gets a laugh out of me because Delilah’s dad is the sweetest man. He is totally obsessed with her mom.

“My advice is to follow your gut. If it tells you the man is bad news,stay away from him. Maybe take your dad up on his offer of staying with him.” She’s quiet for a beat, and I take a deep breath, trying to center myself. “Babe, for what it’s worth, he’s had plenty of opportunity to fuck you up, and he’s used every opportunity to take care of you.”

“While he invaded my privacy. I don’t even know what he’s seen… for all I know he could have… oh my God! He might have seen me you know…”

A cackle bursts down the line. “Dude, the more we have this conversation the more I feel sorry for him. The blue balls that man must be walking around with.” She whistles. “You’re worrying about him watching you perform self-care when the last time he was at your place you came all over the poor fucker and he cleaned you up and put you to bed. This conversation is fucking bizarre.”

“I don’t want to be a doormat and?—”

“My God, Courtney, you are not a doormat. Christ, if I were you and a six-foot-two hunk that made me fucking gush all over him with just his fingers was obsessed with me and fulfilling my every want and need… girl, I’d be flat on all angles, rolled all over him until I was worn and ragged.”

“I don’t know…”

“Okay. Answer me this one thing, okay?”

“Sure.”

I grab a wad of hand tissues from the box next to the sink and soak them in warm water before I push them onto my face the way Auguste did with the dish rag the night he came over and took care of me.

It’s not the same. My fingers don’t feel as strong and sure and there’s no hint of his leathery cologne.

“You have less than a month left in LA. What do you have to lose?”

“I don’t know.”

“If you don’t know, then I can’t know for you.”

“You know everything, remember?”

“This once I’ll admit to knowing not everything. Just that there are good guys and shitty guys in this world and we have to make the decision to take a chance on finding the red candy in the mixed bag.”

Jesus, so much for getting my head on straight. I’m more confused now than I was walking in here stupefied. A part of me was ready to make sense of it all and move forward after last night. Delilah is right on the money when she said that Auguste watching me isn’t surprising.

Countless times I’ve asked myself how he knows so much about me.