Page 34 of Falling into Place

Chapter Twenty-Three

Brooks

Good evening. Is this the residence of Deborah Martin? May I come in for a moment?

—Officer Gary Sanchez to Paul, Brooks, and Sasha Martin

It had been a while since Brooks had been to Macy’s without Sasha. But she’d called and asked him to come by, and he wasn’t altogether surprised to find their third sibling absent.

She still wouldn’t talk to him.

He spent an hour in the backyard with the boys before Macy sent them upstairs to wind down, then told Brooks he could stay on the deck. She returned a few minutes later with two beers and settled in beside him on the wooden steps.

“So,” she said.

“So.”

“I talked to Sasha.”

“I figured.” He took a pull and lowered the bottle to dangle between his knees.

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. Even though I didn’t really think it mattered at this point when we’re so close to the end, and when I planned to follow through with the dates I had left, I understand Sasha’s side, too.

I’d never want to make her look bad. Or you, for that matter.

I know how hard you’ve both worked to keep Mom’s dream alive. ”

“It’s more than that, now,” Macy said. “It’s our dream, too. We may have picked up the baton, but we’ve added our own flair. I like to think we’ve turned her baby into something even bigger and better than she could have ever imagined.”

God, he felt about two inches tall. “You have. I’m so proud of you both, and I’m sorry I almost fucked it up.”

Macy let out a long sigh. “It’s not as bad as all that.

Is it ideal? No, but I also think Sasha’s overreacting a little.

Whether it was real or not, people were entertained and learned more about Oklahoma City.

Thousands of people discovered LiveOKC because of you.

You helped boost our visibility beyond anything we’ve ever seen, and I doubt anything could undo that.

I think Sasha just views the authenticity piece as putting her personal reputation on the line, which is fair, especially because she’s the one on the ground working directly with local partners.

But this wouldn’t make or break the business, okay? ”

He swallowed hard, letting her words sink in. “Okay. Yeah, that helps. I still wish I’d maybe handled it better, but let’s be honest—I don’t have a clue what the hell I’m doing.”

“Obviously.”

Macy being Macy, blunt as always.

“I didn’t expect to feel this way about Carly. And I definitely didn’t expect her to reciprocate.”

“That’s mostly why I called,” Macy said. “I wanted to check in. See if there’s anything you want to talk about.”

She was giving him space to resume their conversation from before—about his dad.

Which he appreciated, but he didn’t want to.

Not anymore and not right now. Bringing that up again would confuse him, and after the last few days with Carly he just wanted to live in that bubble for a little while.

Ignore all his baggage and be happy and carefree for once.

Maybe it was stupid and maybe it was shortsighted, but it’s where he was at the moment.

“No.”

He felt her side-eye burning into his skull, but he held strong.

“Okay, I have a question, then. It would be pretty great if things could work out between you two, but with Carly and Sasha being so close, it could also get very messy if it doesn’t. So I have to ask, do you think you’re ready for something serious?”

“We agreed to take things slow.”

“What does that mean?”

He wasn’t sure, exactly. “It means slow. We’re not putting a label on it right now.”

“Slow doesn’t mean you’re not building something. That’s the whole point of starting in the first place, right? I just want to make sure you’re prepared for what could come next. And that you’re ready for that.”

The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Carly, so he replied with an honest question. “How would I know if I’m ready?”

“For starters, recognize that attraction only gets you so far. You also have to be understanding and support each other. Communication is key, and you have to know you can be completely open, honest, and vulnerable with that person.” Macy looked at him with reluctance.

“Communication has never been a strong suit for you.”

She wasn’t wrong, but defensiveness flared anyway. “I talk to people all day. Half my job is communicating things to nurses, other doctors, and families of patients.” It wasn’t easy to translate an intense medical condition into words family members could understand.

“In a relationship you have to be able to talk about you ,” Macy said gently. “About things that make you happy and things that don’t. What hurt you in the past and what hurts you still. You have to be able to communicate how you feel, whether it’s good, bad, or ugly.”

He propped his elbow on his knee and rubbed his forehead. Took a swig of beer for good measure.

“Do you think you can do that?”

Could he tell her everything? “I’ve been more open with Carly than anyone else.”

“That’s not the same thing.”

“Well, it’s all I’ve got right now.”

While Macy was one of those people who could wait in silence all day if it meant getting her point across or gathering the information she wanted, she also knew when not to push.

She reached over and squeezed his arm. “If what Sasha said is true, it’s still early. You don’t have to have all the answers now, but those are some things to start thinking about if this continues. You’ll figure it out, okay? You have time.”

Would he, though?

How could he when he didn’t even know what he wanted or what he was ready for?

He was completely enamored with Carly and wanted to be with her, but there were qualifiers.

He wanted to have dinner and go on walks and grab coffee with her, but he couldn’t tell her how dark his thoughts had become in that year after his mom died.

He wanted her beside him when he woke up in the morning and he wanted to talk to her about his ideas for a garden next season and maybe taking a ski trip come winter, but he still preferred to go home alone to decompress after a hard time at work.

He didn’t want her to see the rough, damaged parts because she made him feel lighter than he had in years, and she made him happy.

He wanted to stay there.

And he wanted to make her feel the same. Show her how much he cared about her, admired her, and wanted her. Why would he want to bring her down with things like death and regret that plagued him on a regular basis?

He left Macy’s that evening feeling more confused than when he’d arrived, wondering how on earth he could get his shit together before Carly gave up on him. They said time healed all wounds, but it had been seventeen damned years and he was still here, so.

Carly had been at an employee-only Mode get-together that evening and had come over after it ended, and he’d considered bringing up his conversation with his sister.

Maybe asking what she thought about it all or telling her about Nikki and Schwartz Rounds and how he wondered if there was something wrong with him because despite it being one of the highest-attended conferences in the health system, he had no desire to go.

That would be a step in the right direction, right?

But when she arrived and immediately put her hands on him, he’d realized she was interested in spending the night pursuing other endeavors.

He considered when he might bring it up again as they stumbled into his bedroom, but his attention was quickly diverted and everything but Carly faded into darkness.

“Dude. You look high.”

Brooks couldn’t even think of a witty reply, so he just grinned. “Maybe I am. Think they’ll fire me?”

James laughed. “Hell, no. You’re the only one willing to take call all the time. And we both know you’re clean as a whistle. That’s love I see in your eye, you son of a bitch.”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Brooks laughed. “But I have had a pretty great few days.”

The understatement of the decade. The last five days had been phenomenal. He’d probably smiled, laughed, and talked more than in the last few years combined. The sex was pretty great, too.

He’d never had both with the same woman before.

“Does that mean you’re done with the whole public-dating thing?”

“Don’t tell me you actually followed that.”

James looked appalled. “Of course I followed it. Entertaining as hell, tell Sasha I said well done. You, on the other hand, are lucky you actually found someone. You were a disaster.”

Brooks had the urge to throw his coffee at his friend, but they were in the public cafeteria and two doctors going at it probably wouldn’t be great PR. Although, it was five thirty in the morning and there was hardly anyone around ...

“Seriously, tell me about her. I’ve been waiting for this moment.”

“Stop acting like you weren’t in the same boat a few months ago,” Brooks said.

“I’m not. But when it feels right, you just know, and that’s how it is with Aly. Even if we’ve only been together a few months, it feels like I’ve known her all my life. I can’t imagine my life without her. I want that for you, man.”

“Easy,” Brooks said. “It’s way too early for all that.”

“I knew on my second date with Aly.”

Brooks glanced down at his coffee and wrapped both hands around the warm cup.

He opened his mouth to admit to his best friend just how ridiculously into Carly Porter he was, but the shrill beep of his pager cut him off.

He bent over his waist to check the number.

A single, meaningful look passed between them as Brooks stood.

James waved him off. “We’ll talk later.”

Brooks dialed the back line to the ER attending physician as he walked quickly down the hall. Sanjay answered on the second ring. “Hey, sorry to bother you but your fellow’s tied up and they said you were around to take call.”

“No problem. What’s up?”

“Nasty MVA. Single-vehicle accident with all this rain. Two adults in the car, one pronounced dead at the scene. The other’s intubated and stable for now. CT showed ...”

Brooks saw all sorts of traumatic injuries, most of which he could handle with professional objectivity. Occasionally, though, a car accident would sound so similar to what happened all those years ago, being involved in the case caused a visceral reaction.

Single-vehicle accident in the rain.

Pronounced dead at the scene.

Sanjay listed known injuries and described all measures taken so far in the ER.

Brooks lost his breath for a split second but regained it when he passed the familiar signage directing him to 3W ICU.

He couldn’t think about the similarities or the way he’d vomited all over the police officer who’d showed up that night to give his family the news.

He couldn’t think about the funeral or the fact that he couldn’t remember the last thing he’d said to his mom because he’d had no idea that’s what it’d be.

This wasn’t him, it wasn’t his mom, and he was at work. Taking care of broken bodies was his job. There was a survivor and maybe he could save this one.

“Has family been informed?” Brooks asked, pushing through the double doors of the unit.

“Yeah.” Brooks frowned at Sanjay’s tone.

“The couple’s seventeen-year-old son. He knows his mom’s gone, and I swear, Brooks, that might have been one of the hardest fucking things I’ve ever done.

He’ll be in the waiting room. I told him you’d come talk to him once you’ve assessed his dad’s situation.

I hope your news is better than mine was. ”

A wave of dizziness washed over Brooks. He mumbled something to Sanjay and ended the call, pressing one hand into the wall. He searched the hallway and lurched for the nearest staff bathroom.

His knees hit the tile as the coffee burned its way up his throat.