Page 36 of Falling for the Playboy Pilot

JANNA

W e sat at the small table in Dalton’s cabin drinking coffee and eating the toast and eggs Dalton made. It was all very cozy. Domestic, almost. I was wearing one of his shirts and my panties while he sat in his boxer briefs.

We’d been up late last night getting our fill of one another.

When I woke up this morning, all I could think about was how right it all felt.

And then we got up and he made breakfast while I made the coffee.

It felt like we’d been working in tandem for years.

It was easy. I kind of liked the no expectations thing.

I smiled and took a sip of my coffee. It felt right.

“Need a refill?” I asked and got up to get myself another cup.

“Please.”

I took his cup and refilled them both. I gave him his and then realized I probably had some serious morning breath. Now, it was morning breath with coffee and eggs. I wasn’t sure if it got worse than that.

“You know, maybe if I’m going to keep sleeping over, I should bring some stuff, like a toothbrush. I can’t kiss you with fuzz on my tongue.”

It felt like the oxygen had been sucked out of the room. He stiffened in his chair, and I swore I could see the hair on the back of his neck standing up.

“Don’t,” he said flat. “I thought we agreed—casual.”

“Casual,” I repeated slowly, and my voice snapped a little. “Casual but cozy—why not?”

His jaw clenched. “Because you know why. I told you why. I can’t let myself get close to anyone. I can’t . It’s dangerous. I’m a dead man walking. You agreed, Janna. You can’t keep changing your fucking mind. I’m not going to.”

I stared at him with complete shock. The man who held me against him all night was gone. In his place was the other side of the man that seemed to be very confused about what I had said.

I set down my mug. “You make it sound like you’re broken, but you’re not. You’ve built a life. You save lives. And then you say you don’t have a heart…”

“What do you want me to do?” he snapped, frustration bleeding in his voice. “Build a condo around your toothbrush? Pretend I’m ready for something I’m not?”

My chest tightened like barbed wire. “I want you to try. You push us aapart and you’ll get your damned wish—dying alone someday.” My voice cracked, tears edging at the corners of my eyes. “Go ahead. You’ll find out how lonely ‘wrapping yourself in ashes’ really is.”

He slammed his napkin down so hard I flinched. “That’s not fair.”

“The hell it isn’t.” I stood, my chair scraping the floor. “You opened a window, then slammed it shut again this morning.”

His face contorted in desperation. “You want commitment so soon?” He laughed, harsh and brittle. “I told you we were casual.”

“Yeah, well,” I said, voice trembling, “sometimes ‘casual’ isn’t enough to hold two people.”

He shook his head, shoulders falling. “Maybe we’re just too different.”

I swallowed hard. “Maybe.”

I watched him shut down completely. The warm, satisfied man who’d made me breakfast was gone, replaced by someone cold and distant.

“You’re being ridiculous,” I said, my voice rising. “It was a joke, Dalton. A fucking joke about morning breath.”

“It wasn’t a joke,” he shot back, standing abruptly. “You’re testing boundaries. Seeing what you can get away with.”

“Are you kidding me right now?” I slammed my mug down hard enough that coffee sloshed over the rim. “It’s a toothbrush, not a whole damn drawer. I wasn’t asking you to put my name on the mailbox.”

“It starts with a toothbrush,” he said, his voice tight. “Then it’s clothes, then it’s expectations, then it’s?—”

“Then it’s what? Someone who gives a shit about you?” I was shouting now, all pretense of casual gone. “God forbid someone actually want to stick around long enough to brush their teeth in the morning.”

He ran his hands through his hair, pacing like a caged animal. “You don’t get it. You can’t just?—”

“I can’t just what? Exist in your space for more than twelve hours without you freaking out?” I laughed, but there was no humor in it. “You’re not protecting yourself, Dalton. You’re just being a coward.”

His head snapped toward me, eyes blazing. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what? Tell you the truth?” I stood up, matching his intensity. “You hide behind Ozzy’s death like it’s some kind of shield, but really you’re just scared of letting anyone matter to you.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I have every idea.” I was trembling now, with anger and hurt and frustration. “You want to keep me at arm’s length? Fine. But don’t pretend it’s noble. It’s just fear, plain and simple.”

He stared at me for a long moment, his chest rising and falling rapidly. “Maybe you should go.”

The words hit me like a physical blow. “Maybe I should.”

I stormed toward the bedroom to put on my clothes, fury and humiliation burning in my chest. A toothbrush. A goddamn toothbrush had sent him into a tailspin. I jerked off his shirt and tossed it on the bed that was still messy from our wild night.

What the hell was I doing here?

He stormed into the bedroom a few seconds later.

“Get out!” I demanded.

“It’s my fucking bedroom!”

That was true. Dammit.

It was so hard to properly exit a room when I was in his house. I zipped up my shorts and put my hair up and stomped out of the room. I made it to the front door when I realized he drove me up here. Shit .

Dalton appeared behind me, snatching his keys from the counter.

“Let’s go,” he said through gritted teeth.

I wanted to tell him I’d walk, but it was a long way down the mountain and my pride wasn’t worth the blisters. I yanked open the passenger door and slammed it shut behind me, crossing my arms and staring out the window as he started the engine.

“You know what your problem is?” I said as we pulled out of the driveway.

“I’m sure you’re going to tell me.”

“You think everyone is going to abandon you, so you push them away first. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.”

He gripped the steering wheel. “My problem is letting people get too close in the first place.”

“Right. God forbid someone actually care about you.”

“I never asked you to care about me. In fact, I remember specifically telling you not to.”

“And then you fucked me.”

“You wanted me to. You didn’t have to come home with me. I gave you every opportunity to walk away. I practically begged you to stay away from me.”

The words stung more than I wanted to admit. “Trust me, I’m starting to regret it.”

“Good. That makes two of us.”

I turned to stare at him, incredulous. “You regret it? You regret everything that happened between us?”

His jaw was clenched. “I regret letting it go this far.”

“Well, congratulations. You got your wish. It’s over. I will not darken your door, with or without a toothbrush.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

We fell into a silence so thick I could barely breathe.

The tension was filled with every angry breath we took.

I kept opening my mouth to say something cutting, something that would hurt him the way he’d hurt me, but the words died in my throat.

What was the point? He’d made his position crystal clear.

By the time we reached the airfield, I felt emotionally wrung out. The truck had barely stopped before I was out of it, not bothering to slam the door because that would require more energy than I had left.

“Janna—” he started.

“Don’t,” I said without turning around. “Just don’t.”

He didn’t follow me. I heard his footsteps heading toward the hangar while I made my way to the dorms, my legs feeling like lead. All I wanted was a hot shower and to pretend the last twenty-four hours had never happened.

I went straight to my room, stripped out of my clothes, and jumped into the shower.

I’d been an idiot. A complete and total idiot for thinking things could be different with him. For thinking I could be the one to break through his walls. He’d told me exactly who he was from the beginning, and I ignored it.

When I stepped out of the bathroom, Cheryl was sitting on the bed.

“I ran into Herc,” she said. “And judging by his ‘fuck off’ attitude, I had a feeling you might need to talk.”

I snorted. “He’s an asshole. I said it yesterday and I’m saying it again now. Screw him.”

“What happened? When you left yesterday, things seemed good.”

I flopped on my bed. “It’s so done. I’m not playing this game.”

“What happened?” She got up and moved to sit beside me on my bed.

I trembled. “I made a joke. But it set him off.”

I told Cheryl about the toothbrush comment and watched her face shift from confusion to disbelief.

“Are you serious?” she said. “He lost his mind over a toothbrush?”

“Completely lost it. Started going on about how I was testing boundaries and trying to get more than we agreed on. Like I was trying to move in or something.” I pulled a pillow over my face and screamed into it. “It was a joke about morning breath, Cheryl. Morning breath!”

She shook her head. “That man has some serious issues.”

“The worst part is how he completely shut down. One minute we’re having breakfast like a normal couple, the next he’s treating me like I’m some clingy psycho trying to trap him.

” I sat up, anger flooding through me again.

“And then he had the nerve to say he regretted everything. Everything, Cheryl. The whole thing.”

“He was trying to hurt you.”

“Well, mission accomplished.” I felt tears threatening again and blinked them back furiously. “I’m done. I’m so done with his hot and cold bullshit. One day he’s fighting guys over me, the next he’s acting like I’m a disease he needs to avoid.”

Cheryl was quiet for a moment. “You know what you need?”

“A lobotomy?”

She laughed. “A distraction. And maybe to show him exactly what he’s missing.”

“I’m not playing games. I’m not going to flirt with other guys to make him jealous. That’s high school shit.”

“I’m not talking about making him jealous. I’m talking about you remembering that you’re worth more than whatever scraps he’s willing to throw you.” She stood up. “Get dressed. We’re going into town.”

“I don’t want to go into town.”

“Too bad. You’re not going to sit in here and mope over some emotionally constipated pilot who doesn’t know a good thing when it’s staring him in the face.”

I groaned but got up anyway. Maybe she was right. Maybe I needed to get out of here, away from the airfield and any chance of running into Dalton. At least for a few hours.

“Fine. But I’m not putting on makeup.”

“Deal. But you’re wearing something that shows off those sexy legs.”

I rolled my eyes. “What about work?”

“We’re in a sit and wait mode,” she said. “they’ll let us know if they need us.”

In her car, I slumped in her seat. I wasn’t trying to hide, but I was also not trying to have anyone look at me.

I caught a glimpse of him and quickly looked away.

I couldn’t explain why I was so attached to a man that wanted nothing to do with me.

He was so protective and I understood that he was scared.

I didn’t hate him for it. But I needed more than fear.

I needed him to risk it once. And I wasn’t trying to get him to promise me forever.

“You know about Martinez?” Cheryl asked.

“Yes.”

“He’s protective of his heart because half his brain is stuck with Ozzy. He’s just not there yet. Give him space. But don’t back away.”

“I can’t put myself in his path again,” I said. “I won’t do that to myself. Or him. I’m just going to focus on work.”