Page 35 of Falling for the Playboy Pilot

DALTON

I stared at Janna lurking in the trees like some kind of amateur detective. I didn’t know whether to be pissed or impressed by her complete lack of stealth skills. What the hell was she thinking, following me here? And then it hit me like a punch to the gut.

She thought I was sneaking around with another woman.

The realization made my jaw clench harder. I could see it written all over her face. The guilt, the embarrassment, the hurt she was trying to hide. She’d seen me with Tanya, seen the flowers and the bottle, and jumped to the worst possible conclusion.

I wanted to be mad about it. I wanted to tear into her for not trusting me, for following me like some jealous girlfriend when she’d been the one to sneak out of my bed this morning without a word.

But looking at her standing there, red-faced and mortified, I couldn’t summon the anger I should have felt.

Because I got it. I understood why she’d think the worst. My track record wasn’t exactly stellar, and I’d never given her any reason to believe I was different with her.

“Come here,” I said.

“I don’t want to intrude,” she said.

I scoffed. “Little late for that. Come here.”

She hesitated for a moment, her eyes darting between me and Tanya, who was still kneeling by the headstone. Then she walked toward me, her steps slow and uncertain.

“I was just?—”

“Don’t,” I said and cut her off. “We’ll talk about that later. Come with me.”

Tanya smiled when she saw us coming back.

“This is Tanya,” I said. “She’s Ozzy Martinez’s sister.”

Janna frowned. I could see the question in her eyes.

“Hi,” Tanya said softly, offering a small, sad smile. “You must be Janna.”

Janna seemed to have swallowed her tongue all of a sudden. “Martinez,” she said. “Your friend.”

I nodded. “We come here every year on the anniversary of losing him.”

I saw her embarrassment. Served her right for sneaking around. I knew she was remembering the story I told her. I watched her face change as understanding dawned on her.

“He was my brother’s best friend,” Tanya said, her voice thick with emotion. “Like a brother to me too. Dalton and I both lost him that day.”

I knelt beside the headstone, running my fingers over the engraved name. Oscar “Ozzy” Martinez. The dates that bookended a life cut too short. The bottle of whiskey was his favorite brand. It was a little stout for me, but he loved it.

“Every year, we come here and tell him about our lives,” I said. “What we’ve been up to. What’s changed. What hasn’t changed.”

Tanya reached over and squeezed my shoulder. “He’d be so proud of you, Dalton. You know that, right? What you’re doing now is what he would have wanted.”

I shook my head. “He shouldn’t have died. I should have gotten him out.”

“Stop,” Tanya said firmly. “You know he wouldn’t want you carrying this guilt. He’d kick your ass for still blaming yourself. You guys both knew the risks of that job.”

I could feel Janna’s eyes on me, could practically hear the wheels turning in her head. This was exactly why I didn’t let people get close. This was the shit that came with caring about someone—the pain when you lost them, the guilt that ate at you from the inside out.

“I’m sorry,” Janna said softly. “I wish I could have met him.”

“You would have liked him,” I said. “Funny as hell, loyal to a fault. Would give you the shirt off his back without thinking twice. He always found a reason to laugh even when we were deep in the shit.”

Tanya’s eyes filled with tears. “Maria still visits sometimes. She moved to Phoenix, but she comes back every few months.”

The three of us stood there in silence for a moment. This was what I’d been trying to tell Janna without actually saying it. This was why I kept my walls up, why I didn’t do relationships, why I couldn’t let myself care too much about anyone.

Because when you cared, when you let someone matter, losing them destroyed you. And I’d already been destroyed once. I wasn’t sure I could survive it again.

“I should go,” Janna said quietly. “I’m sorry for following you. I thought...”

“I know what you thought,” I said, finally looking at her. “And I get why you thought it.”

“I’ll leave you two alone,” Tanya said. “My flight leaves in a couple of hours.”

I gave her a hug. “It was good to see you.”

“It was nice to meet you, Janna,” Tanya said. “Take care of this one. He’s stubborn as they come, but he’s worth it.”

Janna waved and stood silently. When Tanya was out of sight I turned to face Janna.

“Why’d you follow me?” I asked gently. I already knew the answer, but I wanted to hear her say it.

She dropped her gaze to her feet. “I saw the message this morning.”

“My phone?”

“I swear I wasn’t snooping. It was going off and I wanted to make sure it wasn’t work. I saw it. Got mad. And left.”

I nodded. “And you assumed I had someone else.”

“Yes. Like you said, we’re nothing.”

“Not nothing, but not serious. I can’t do serious and this is exactly why.”

I moved my arms to encompass the entire cemetery.

“I’ve always thought of myself as a dead man flying.

If I die, no one else has to mourn me. It keeps me from hesitating in a cockpit.

Keeps me from holding back in the face of danger.

I don’t have to think about leaving a wife and kids or a girlfriend.

I can focus on doing what needs to be done and what happens, happens. ”

She frowned. “That’s why you push me away. Because you think caring equals weakness.”

“Caring can lead to letting someone get burned,” I said bluntly. “Not just burned—incinerated.”

Her voice softened. “Or maybe it lets someone live.”

I shook my head, stepping toward her. “If we’re going to keep spending time together, we do it my way. I can’t do serious. I’m sorry if that makes me a dick. I’ve thought about this for a while and I’m just not that guy. I can’t make promises. No deep shit.”

“I don’t think it’s right. But I’m willing to do it your way if that matters.”

“It’s wrong, Janna.”

“Why?”

“I’m a dick. I’m a complete asshole for even asking you to set aside what you feel is right. I know it’s unconventional. I know fucking around is not something most women want. You want something real, and I can’t give it to you.”

“Why don’t you let me worry about what I want?”

I grabbed her waist and pulled her against me. My forehead dropped to hers. I knew what the right thing to do was. I knew it and I couldn’t bring myself to fucking do it.

“You should walk away from this,” I whispered.

“Yeah, probably.”

I smiled. “Why are you so stubborn?”

“I could ask you the same thing.”

“Guys like Tyler and Marcus are who you should be with.”

She sighed. “I know. Too bad they’re not you.”

We both knew what was right. How fucked up was it that we were both choosing to do the wrong thing?

“Come home with me,” I whispered.

“I need to take Janna’s car back.”

“I’ll follow you.”

She turned to walk away, and I couldn’t resist swatting her ass.

“Hey!”

“That’s for following me, you stalker.”

She grinned. “Well, at least I didn’t punch her.”

“Thank you for having more restraint than I do.” I followed her back to the field and stayed in my truck while she went in to find Janna.

I tried to convince myself to drive away and leave her ass.

It was so wrong of me to be doing this to her.

She was a good woman, and I knew I was treating her like shit by not offering more.

She opened my passenger door and hopped in. “Let’s go.”

Every instinct told me to push her away. To reclaim clarity. But instead, I kept pulling her in.

Back at my cabin, I poured us both a whiskey.

“You don’t have to get me drunk to get me into bed,” Janna said, accepting the glass with a smirk.

“Who says I’m trying to get you into bed?” I shot back, though we both knew it was bullshit.

She raised an eyebrow and took a sip. “Right. So what’s this then?”

I downed half my whiskey in one go. “Liquid courage.”

“For what?”

“To tell you that you’re making a mistake.”

She set her glass down and moved closer, her fingers trailing along my chest. “So you keep saying.”

The touch sent electricity through me. I caught her wrist, stilling her hand. “Janna.”

“What?”

“I meant what I said. I can’t give you what you want.”

“And I meant what I said. Let me worry about what I want.”

I should have driven her back to the dorms and told her to find someone who could give her the fairy tale she deserved. Instead, I pulled her against me, my mouth finding hers in a kiss that was equal parts desperate and gentle.

She melted into me, her hands fisting in my shirt. I could taste the whiskey on her lips, could feel the way she trembled against me. Every rational thought I had dissolved under the weight of wanting her.

“This is so fucked up,” I murmured against her mouth.

“I know,” she whispered back, then kissed me again.

I lifted her, carrying her to the bedroom. She looked beautiful sprawled across my bed, her blonde hair fanned out against the dark sheets.

“You sure about this?” I asked, hovering over her.

“Are you going to keep asking me that?”

“Probably.”

She reached up and cupped my face. “I’m sure, Dalton. I’m sure about this even if I’m not sure about anything else.”

An hour later, we were naked and breathing hard in the aftermath of another world-altering experience.

“I should probably go,” she said but made no move to leave.

“Yeah, you should.”

Neither of us moved. We both knew she wasn’t going anywhere. It was like we were trying to fake it for someone who might be listening.

“This is becoming a habit,” she said softly.

“Bad habits usually are hard to break.”

And that was exactly what she was for me. An addiction. I didn’t have the self-control to end it. I told her over and over I was no good for her, but she refused to accept it. Hell, for all I knew, she was just like me. She only wanted a summer fling.

If it made us happy, then I was cool with it. We’d deal with the fallout later.