Page 27

26

Calista

After

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” Fane asked, turning out of the gravel drive of the cottage he’d so lovingly now dubbed the “Shit Box,” thanks to my dad.

“Nope. Turn left here.” I clasped my hands together and placed them in my lap, to which Fane snorted a laugh at.

“You’re ridiculous.”

“Your face is ridiculous.” My comebacks had a lot to be desired, but it was the first thing that came out of my mouth. Fane just lifted his middle finger up between us, and I did my best to scowl at him. It didn’t stick, and I quickly looked out the window before he saw my smile.

“Saw that,” he quipped.

Remember when I said this was entering into dangerous territory? Well, we were so far into dangerous territory I was quickly losing sight of the way out.

I didn’t know what happened.

Mentally, I was still rationalizing the fact that I was one hundred percent going to let him stick his hand down my pants for the good of the town. I was letting him hoist my leg up to drag what had to be an incredibly painful situation–that he was clearly doing his darndest to hide away–along the length of my pussy. My very wet and aching pussy, because that was the only way to get him to leave Darling alone.

I was so deeply full of shit it was unhealthy. More than unhealthy. It was a real, honest to God issue.

Because physically? Physically, when Fane touched me, the last two years didn’t exist. I hadn’t been alone. I hadn’t been a fractured version of myself.

When he touched me, I believed every single word that came out of his mouth. I was someone who saw his actions lining up with his words and felt like if I toed the edge of this abyss I was perilously walking along, it wouldn’t be so bad if I fell.

“Do I need to do anything?”

“To me?” Why that was the response my head churned up and spat out, I had no fucking idea. Fane’s eyebrow raised tentatively, and his eyes tracked over my features curiously.

“My ears are always open to your needs and how I can be of assistance, baby.” Fane’s voice rumbled through the car, and I felt them settle in the pit of my stomach. “But I meant for the drive.”

“The drive!” Was I yelling?

“You’re yelling.” The way the sun hit his eyes made the copper flecks reflective. Like tiny gems in pools of violet.

I cleared my throat. “Straight here and then get on the highway.”

“Oh, a little out of town adventure? I thought this was a Darling tour.”

“It is. Number two, and probably the most important.”

“Will you tell me why?”

“Not yet.”

“Cali—”

“Once you get on the highway, take the first exit.”

Fane did everything I instructed without complaint. And me? Well, I did my absolute darndest not to look at his forearms while he drove and continued to refuse to admit to myself that I think I had a real thing for neck tattoos.

I was sure he could feel my eyes on him, but the way he sat didn’t change. His posture was relaxed, with one hand on the wheel and the other resting on the door, his hand in his hair. If you didn’t know him, you wouldn’t know the word “soft” could apply to him. And maybe it didn’t.

Fane was imposing.

The sharp line of his jaw that held a faint shadow, burnished-brown hair that I was sure never existed without his hand running through it at least once. Arms, thick and corded with muscle, decorated in tattoos that were now down to his hands, where he had a constellation on it that I still hadn’t had the nerve to ask him about. The other had a compass in the same design as the pocket watch on his neck. Beautiful and shadowed and dark.

“Take a right here,” I murmured, still lost in him.

Fane’s hand twitched a couple of times like he wanted to reach across and place it on my knee. To grab my hand and lift my knuckles to his mouth.

I knew we both remembered the way he used to do just that before. Now, he just sat there, letting me look.

My chest ached and my stomach dropped. This tangled mess of disappointment in myself, anger at him, and anger at the whole freaking world, just swirling around.

I cleared my throat and noticed only then that the truck had stopped. It was too late now to pretend he hadn’t seen everything I’d been thinking.

Too late to hide the brutal pain that lingered in the tissue of every part of my body as if what my life had turned into in the last two years wasn’t something that hurt me constantly.

That the life before it wasn’t something I mourned all the time.

“Cali.” Fane’s voice broke. He reached out, taking my hand and entwining his fingers with mine. “I need to talk to you.”

I watched our hands in my lap and felt my body slump in exhaustion. I knew he had things he wanted to say, and I’d been so adamant that he didn’t deserve to have his words heard. I didn’t owe him anything, even though the wondering at what he had to say ate away at me like an itch I couldn’t scratch.

I nodded. “I know. But, not yet.”

“Cali.” That was his I’m building up to fight you on this voice, and it tugged at the corner of my mouth.

Closing my eyes, I pulled in a deep breath before pulling my hand from his and remembered the ‘why’ that started this all in the first place.

“We’re here,” I said, jumping out of the truck, the gavel shoulder Fane had pulled off onto the exact place we actually needed to be. The moment I heard the telling click of the car lock, I found the hidden path with ease, listening to his footsteps behind me as we disappeared into the trees.

* * *

“I’m just shocked,” he said.

I kept my eyes laser-focused on the relatively overgrown path in front of me. “I don’t see why.”

“You don’t see why ?” Even though Fane was behind me, I had no issue imagining the incredulous look on his face. “We went hiking a total of three times together over two years, and I had to carry you on my back for most of each of those experiences.”

“One word.” I held up a single digit over my shoulder. “Leeches.”

“Oh, please,” he scoffed, his heavy footfalls sure and steady where I had just tripped for the fourth time. “They were tiny!”

I spun to face him, my face now incredulous. “ Tiny? ” I wasn’t proud of my screech, but just talking about the leeches made it feel like I had a billion on me. “You took me to the same place three different times, and each time you said ‘No, Cali baby. There are no leeches on this trail.’” I did my best impression of his voice to drive the point home.

Fane’s laughter was rebounding off the trees around us. Hands braced on his knees. He’d reached that point of laughter where no sound came out at all, only wheezing air followed by a hiccup.

“Real mature, Fane.” I cocked a hip out and crossed my arms, holding in my own stupid giggles that were trying to claw their way out. Fane’s laughter had always been contagious, especially when he was like this.

“You sounded like Elvis! ” he wheezed, trying to stand up but folding over again.

“Shut up!” I whined, my smile finally breaking through. “Stop laughing! This is important.”

“Okay. Okay. ” He cleared his throat, trying to stand up, but one look at my face and he absolutely lost it. “I can’t look at your face! ”

“Fane!” I walked back over to him and tried to hoist him up to standing. His hand reached out and wound around me, his forehead pressing against my collarbone. I could feel the vibrations of his laughter shaking my body and spent the next five minutes trying to peel him off me, repeating the words, “I’m so serious right now!” and “You better stop, or else!”

Apparently he found that to be equally as entertaining, until finally I got out of his hold, and he managed to stand up straight, fighting the last lingering bubbles of laughter that were still climbing to the surface.

“We’re here because this is another important part of why you need to leave Darling alone.”

“Yep.” He was pressing his lips together and nodding his head.

“And don’t hug me.”

“No hugs, got it.” Fane gave me a double thumbs-up that said, “Fat chance.”

“Fane, we’re not friends.” I crossed my arms and gave him my fiercest expression.

“No, we’re not.”

I jolted back at his agreement because I hadn’t expected—

“We’re lovers .”

“What? No.”

“Way to lean into the role, Cali baby.” Fane did his own Elvis impression before hitting me with double finger guns and pushing past me.

It was only another few minutes of walking, of his laughter trickling back to where I was still tripping behind him, until we got to our destination. I knew he’d reached it because he went completely silent.

I walked up and stopped right next to him.

“Darling was originally called Darling Falls.” You could just barely hear me over the rushing sound of the waterfall right before us, held perfectly within its own secret little alcove that you couldn’t hear until you were right in front of it.

It was the most beautiful cascade of water you’d ever seen, so perfectly picturesque in the way it flowed over the cliff’s edge and down into the pool of water below.

The water was so clear it looked like rippling glass. Like something this untouched shouldn’t still exist in the world we lived in.

“Holy fuck.” Fane’s voice was almost entirely drowned out by the noise.

“When my dad’s dad was a kid, everyone was getting sick of families coming and using The Falls. The trail that led here was getting overworn. There was garbage everywhere, and everything was just being…used up. The people who came to visit didn’t care about how they left it, so everyone started to drop the ‘Falls’ off the end of the name of the town. Signs were cut down, and eventually the old name was phased out completely. They changed the names of the schools, businesses, everything.”

I knew this was a risky move to bring him here. If anything, this could be just the thing to convince him that Darling was even more appealing than it had been before, but I took a risk on knowing how he felt about being outside. How he always made sure to leave a place the way he’d found it.

“This could totally come back to bite me in the ass, but I don’t think I need to say too much more to show you why this”—I pointed in front of us—“is the best reason of all to leave this town the way you found it.”

Fane finally peeled his eyes off the water and looked down at me. “Not the best reason of all.”

He let that sentence settle between us, and the first thing I wanted to do was roll my eyes. To let his words be more things I didn’t believe. To see them for what they were; another thing to lure me in, promise to keep me safe, and then take it all back when I needed them most.

But I was so. fucking. tired.

I wasn’t this angry, hateful person. And though I felt it, pulsing and alive, that wasn’t all there was to it. To me. Beneath it, something softer pushed back. Hidden below the surface of that raging storm. Quiet, but full of yearning that was getting harder to ignore.

It spoke like a siren to those furious parts of me. It whispered stories and memories of how it once felt to be held by him. To trust him, even when I knew better now. It was terrifying and tempting all at once.

I hadn’t forgiven him, and I don’t think I’d ever forget what had happened, but like I gave myself the moment in the car, I’d give myself today. I’d let myself pretend everything was okay and that the man standing next to me hadn’t eviscerated me without blinking.

“Two for two, Calista.” Fane’s sounded even huskier with the backing track of the rushing water. “Not bad for free, local tours.”

I rolled my eyes, flipped him off, and tried not to break down completely when he grabbed my hand and placed a kiss to the back of it.

His entire face changed like he hadn’t meant to do that. Like it was muscle memory. A reflex.

“Want to swim?” I asked.

“The whole pack like you’re going to be getting wet thing makes a lot more sense. I thought we were heading to an orgy.” I wasn’t sure if he was being serious or not, but I’d never heard the word “orgy” so many times in one morning as I had today.

The sun was high, shining down on us through the gaps in the canopy. I nibbled on my bottom lip, standing just behind Fane as he pulled off his shirt and headed straight for the water. The moment his toes touched the water, his head whipped over his shoulder. “It’s fucking toasty!”

My grin was unstoppable. “The waterfall comes directly from natural hot springs,” I called back. “They’re a little ways away, so by the time it gets here, it’s more warm than hot, but you can swim here pretty much all year.”

“Cali, this is insane.” He looked starstruck.

“I knew you’d like it.” My words were too soft for him to hear, and at any rate, he’d turned back around, and I watched as the lone, howling wolf on his back disappeared under the water.

He reemerged, flicking his hair up and out of the way and the most intoxicating look on his face. He was almost completely submerged, his eyes just above the water while he waited for me to make a decision.

This is such dangerous territory .

The words kept falling into my brain, and I was constantly slap-fighting them away, but never more so than right when I pulled my dress up and over my head and made my way into the water, aware of every single inch of the skin on my body while Fane drank me in like a man starved. Like he’d never been so close to everything he could ever want but was forced to keep his distance.

That’s how Fane looked at me. Like I was his, and even though I knew I wasn’t, I walked into the water and let myself pretend with that too.