Page 21

20

Calista

After

I had run like it was my religion every single day except Sundays from the moment I moved back to this town, and today marked the eleventh day of me breaking that streak.

It had been the perfect way to balance out what I was sure was the worst diet known to humankind. I was incredible at putting together Kraft Mac and Cheese and ensuring my ramen noodles were cooked perfectly. It took a long time to convince myself that it was better than getting takeout all the time, but if I were honest, I’d probably get takeout if I could afford it.

I could not afford it.

It wasn’t like I was rationing toilet paper, but there was no extra money laying around.

After about a week of Fane living in my house, he’d clearly gotten fed up with the less than impressive stocking standard of my fridge and had taken over the cooking and grocery shopping like it was his personal mission. I hadn’t lifted a finger, let alone exercised, but I was eating better than I had in years.

I figured it was also the least he could do, considering the whole arriving-unannounced-and-being-a-pain-in-my-ass thing.

When my mom got sick, I may have told a little white lie that I’d gotten a post-degree scholarship that cleared my student debt. While I’d made it up when I told my dad, I did learn that they were things that actually existed. They just didn’t exist for me.

What did exist for me, was a fairly hefty personal debt that I’d taken out to pay back my parents every cent they’d poured into my unfinished business degree. I’d been funneling as much money as possible into paying that back.

My parents had spent their whole lives saving up for my education with no thought for themselves. It was a no-brainer that the money needed to go toward my mom’s treatment, and between that and the money they had from Abbey not going to college, they’d assured me that they had everything handled.

I wasn’t sure I believed them, and I wasn’t sure they totally believed me, but there was an unspoken agreement not to push one another on it.

I still put whatever I could spare into their bank account every month through a direct deposit. It wasn’t enough for them to really even notice, but it was better than feeling like I was doing nothing.

Between all of that constantly swirling around in my brain, there was also the fact that my word of the day over the last four days hadn’t been something I could use in a sentence. Two of those words I had to Google, and all in all, the experience felt like it was kicking me while I was already down.

I was on the cusp of being broke and was reminded daily about my limited vocabulary by an app that I still couldn’t afford, but continued to voluntarily pay for.

It painted a really sad picture, if I was being honest.

I’d started to close down the cafe and Fane was still nowhere to be found. He’d left this morning with Gus, and apart from a message to say he’d be there the rest of the day, I’d been on my own.

I was used to being on my own. Sure it’d been weird at first, going from a lifetime of having people around me–a group of other humans you could rely on for anything, no matter the place or time–to being completely and totally on your own.

I mean, except for Jerry.

Hence, it shouldn’t have felt like this , like it was something I wasn’t used to. The day moved on like it always had, if not a bit busier with the added clientele. I still saw my dad. Still made him his coffee, handed him his cookies, and promised I wouldn’t be late to dinner.

The only thing that was different was the fact that I was exceptionally aware of Fane’s absence, and that was just so fucking stupid of me.

The moment my feet hit the pavement, it was bliss. When I could get Jerry off his couch, I brought him with me, and today just happened to be one of those exception-to-the-rule sort of days. Honestly, I was like eighty percent sure that the only reason he was so eager was because he thought Fane was outside.

I didn’t try to run for any specific duration of time. There was no real distance I wanted to eat up. I just let myself run. Let my mind be empty for a while.

My arm nearly dislocated when Jerry skidded to a halt, barking with a ferocity I rarely heard. Not his usual, Don’t make me touch wet grass, grumble, but the deep, guttural growl that screamed, Come closer, and I’ll relieve you of all your favorite parts .

Running in Darling wasn’t like running in the city. I didn’t have to have an earbud out. I didn’t have to message someone else my route or when I was leaving the apartment and when I got home. I didn’t have to constantly be aware of my surroundings.

I’d been so in my own head that it didn’t really hit me that I’d run all the way back into town or that I was standing right across the street from the same man who’d come into Sunshine this morning.

Declan.

“It’s all right, you can let me in on the secret.” He’d spoken to me like we were friends in on an inside joke. Like he was more than a stranger who’d walked into my café and placed an order.

“What are you doing with Fane? I know you’re not together anymore, but I’ve always been a fan of games. I could play along.”

The guy was a fucking creep, and it didn’t take much for me to put together that whatever was going on between him and Fane wasn’t good. The moment the door opened and those familiar violet eyes set on me, they swept down my body in a move so completely known to me that I wasn’t even sure Fane realized he did it. The quick calculation of whether I was in one piece. Then there was the way his brow had dipped ever so slightly, and his jaw clenched.

I could have told him what the guy said, but what if that led him to do something stupid? What if he did something that made him leave town? What if someone else, someone I didn’t know well enough to confront and try to change their mind to leave Darling alone, replaced him?

Everything that could have happened rushed through my mind. Despite it all, the thing that scared me the most was the dead look in Declan’s eyes and the idea that even though Fane was bigger, there was this niggling in the back of my head that he could get hurt. If I told him and that did happen? It would’ve been my fault and I didn’t want or need that on my conscience.

If there was one thing I’d learned to do over the last two years, it was deal with shit on my own. So I kept my mouth shut, and by the weird as fuck look on the guy’s face where he stared right back at me from the other side of the street, I could wager a guess that he took it as a sign we were on the same side.

Same side of what? Who the fuck knows, but whatever sixth sense I had that told me when I was definitely in the wrong place at the wrong time kicked in. I didn’t think twice when I turned where I stood and bolted.

I knew Jerry felt it too, the way the street felt colder. How the very air around the guy seemed to want to exist anywhere but near him. Jerry didn’t drag behind like he did when I tried to get him to run faster than his usual trot. He didn’t pull against his leash.

He just ran.

He pulled ahead of me, forcing me to run faster than I would have been able to on my own.

For one fleeting second, I thought I imagined it. Seeing this stranger I didn’t know in literally any capacity except for one single interaction. That my mind had finally teetered beyond the fine line that I had been walking between sane and absolutely unhinged.

It was the wrong thing to do in my situation. Everyone and their mother always said, Don’t look behind you . I shouldn’t have done it, but I chanced a single look.

I’d never known fear like I had in that moment when I turned to find Declan running behind me and gaining. A scream lodged itself in my throat, trying to claw past the deep, gasping breaths I was pushing out.

My legs were burning, and my heart was thrashing. My house was roughly five miles from the center of town, but cutting through parks and people’s yards took it down to maybe three. That’s all I kept telling myself.

Three miles.

Three miles, and then I was home. Where I could hide behind a locked door and call Fane.

My mind had reached for his name and clutched onto it. Held it like a lifeline.

There was music still blasting in my ears. I hadn’t had time to take out my earbuds or pause it, and even though it was loud, I could swear I heard the way his shoes were connecting with the pavement.

Two miles.

My vision started to blur. The terror that was coursing through me was overflowing and pouring out my fucking eyes. Even though a sob managed to make its way out somehow between my gasping breaths and the scream that I barely held back, I didn’t stop.

Jerry didn’t falter once. His long legs propelled us forward.

One mile.

I waited as long as I could before I turned around again, and there was no time to stop the scream that tore from my throat. I swear my heart stopped beating entirely, just for a second.

Declan was so close to me now that if I faltered for even a second, he would’ve been able to reach out and grab me.

It felt like this was something from a fucking horror movie, not my life.

For two years I’d gone every day with not so much as an unexpected sneeze, and in less than two weeks my entire life had been turned upside down. I was lying to my entire town, and now I was being chased by a psychopath.

I rounded the last corner to my house, so sure that I could feel the tips of his fingers skimming the back of my shirt. The ends of my hair.

I could see my house, and I let myself look one more time. The moment I turned my head to look behind me, I smacked right into something solid. My scream was so visceral I felt the way it ripped at my vocal cords.

In my head, I always imagined I would immediately take a fighting stance.

I would do whatever I saw on TV and fight until I couldn’t fight any more. The reality was my eyes clamped so tight I thought they’d never open again, and my hands came up protectively on either side of my head.

My entire body was aching. I’d never run that far for that long at a sprint before. My knees were aching, my head was pounding, and I couldn’t breathe.

Someone was gripping my upper arms, and all I could think was that Declan had beat me home. He’d taken a shortcut, and I’d be late to dinner. My mom would be so pissed, my dad would be concerned about her blood pressure, and Fane would come back and find me missing or dead, and Jerry—

Rough, strong hands wrapped around my arms and hauled me up. It was a single second between thinking I was going to die and knowing I’d never been safer in my life the moment Fane pulled me to him, that clean woodsy scent I would know anywhere washing over me.

“Fucking hell, Calista—” He sounded mad and scared and worried all at the same time, which didn’t reconcile with the new version of him I knew. Right then I didn’t care, not as I gripped his shirt in both my fists and whipped my head around. To warn him that there was…no one there.

There was no one there, and I wondered for one terrifying moment if I’d made the entire thing up. There wasn’t a trace of him. Not one.

My house was halfway down the street, which was empty, quiet, and peaceful in the dim light of the early evening.

“He’s…he’s…” I wanted to stand on my own two legs, but they weren’t working.

“He? He who?”

“He’s…” My brain was broken. Well, it wasn’t connecting to my mouth, but as small tremors started to turn into violent shaking, I was almost certain I was going into shock.

“Fuck,” Fane grunted and lifted me up into his arms. I didn’t take my eyes off the corner I’d flown around like a bat out of hell until we were in the house and the door was closed behind us.

I was both aware and completely lost in time while Fane worked, acting like he’d done this thousands of times before. My hands were still clamped on his shirt, and when he pulled the covers back on the bed and set me down, he tried to lift himself up to leave, but my hands wouldn’t fucking work.

“S-s-so—” My voice cracked.

“Jesus Christ.” The look on his face was the same as it had been outside, but there was a wildness to his eyes I didn’t think I’d ever seen before.

I knew he was being as gentle as possible trying to remove my hands from his shirt, but there was just no moving them.

“Fine. Keep the shirt.” If I hadn’t been sure my heart was about to explode and questioning the state of my own sanity, it might have been the sexiest thing I’d ever seen the way Fane reached for the back of his shirt and pulled it over his head. He turned so fast I didn’t see any of his decorated golden skin except for his back, where the same tattoos I’d always known stared back at me.

It didn’t make any sense, but it reassured me. The reaper, a hand of bone extended out from its heavy cloak. Beckoning.

To most it was probably ominous. You wouldn’t voluntarily take that hand unless you had a death wish.

Whenever I looked at it though, I’d always thought that if I did take it, how safe and sheltered I would be in the shadowed folds of his robes. Just before he reached for his bag that still sat in the corner of the room, I finally took a breath that felt like it filled my lungs.

Fane was back in an instant, grabbing pillows and putting them under my legs before heading back into the living room and coming back with an extra blanket that he layered on top of me.

“Jer-Jerry.” Panic laced my voice.

“He’s fine, baby.” He sounded far away, focused on what he was doing. And then he started to take off his shoes…and then his pants.

This man and his obsession with taking off his damn pants.

“N-no. I don’t w-want—”

“I’m going to look after you, and you’re going to let me.” His voice was calm and gentle, but the way his chest was rising and falling betrayed that facade. “I know you don’t want me here, but I am here. So, please. Please , let me. Tomorrow you can remember that you hate me, and I’ll remember everything I did to deserve it, but for right now, let me.”

I was shivering so much my teeth were vibrating against each other, and I decided to give into him, just this once. As soon as I nodded my head, he spurred into action.

“You’re in shock, Calista. I need to calm you down and keep you warm.” He spoke the words like he was reading them right from a pamphlet. He shucked his pants all the way off and got into bed beside me, pulling me against him. My hands discarded the shirt I hadn’t been able to let go of in favor of the one he had replaced it with. I didn’t reprimand myself either when I pressed my cheek over the warm cotton just above his heart and counted every heartbeat. That’s when he started to speak.

“I managed to hide my country mix playlist from Ashton until three months ago. The one that Spotify made for you when you were using my account? I listen to it all the time, and I picked him up from the gym and didn’t change it fast enough. He bought me a cowboy hat for my birthday last month.”

A laugh bubbled out of me, surprising us both. It was shaky, but it was real.

“I got drunk and finally tried asparagus,” he murmured, lips pressed to my hair.

“A-a-and?” I stammered, fingers trying to grip him to me tighter.

“Super gross. You were right.”

A second bubble of laughter trickled up and out of my throat and I felt Fane chuckle in response. He kept talking. Random, stupid things until, eventually, the tremors in my body began to subside, the adrenaline draining away and leaving behind a bone-deep exhaustion. I didn’t want to move. I didn’t want to think. All I wanted was to stay here, held in the safety of his arms, with his thumb tracing lazy patterns along my skin.

Fane started to hum. The deep and soothing rumble of his chest made my eyes fall shut the second I heard the start to his favorite song .

His thumb was still moving along the skin of my hip bone. I must’ve fallen asleep because when I woke up, I was pretty much lying on top of him, and the room was completely dark around us. If I thought I could get away with it, I was sorely mistaken.

He was already looking down at me when I tried to peek up at him through my lashes.

“Hey,” he whispered.

“Crap,” I mumbled, pushing up and away from him. His hands tightened on me for a second before he let me go. “Sorry.”

Fane pushed himself up to sit on the bed, leaned over to turn on the lamp on the bedside table. The warm glow that lit the room made the purple hue of his eyes look like they were housing a hale storm, the weight of his gaze was heavy when he settled it on me.

“We’re talking about it, Cali.”

“I know this all seems a bit wild, but it was nothing.”

“Nothing?” His eyebrows hit his hairline.

“Nothing.” I nodded, impressed with how I managed to even look him in the eyes.

“You were running like your life depended on it, slammed right into me, and then went into shock. The way you screamed…” He spoke slowly like he thought just talking about it would send me back into a catatonic state.

“Well, yes. I…” I scratched the back of my head and cleared my throat. “Thought I saw something.”

“You’re lying to me. You said, ‘He.’”

I wanted to tell him.

But every reason why I shouldn’t was right there at the forefront of my mind. “I don’t remember saying that.”

“You’re still lying.” It wasn’t said like an accusation but a fact. Like he knew me so well he could tell, just like that.

The fucked-up thing was I was sure he could. “I’m not.”

“You’re lying to me because you don’t trust me, and that’s fine. You don’t need to trust me to tell me what had you white as a fucking ghost and terrified.”

Well, there was no debating that. Fane was many things, but he wasn’t an idiot.

The thing was, I wasn’t either, and everything that ran through my head this morning still rang true. I was terrified. Of course, I was terrified, I wasn’t made of stone. Despite my willingness to ‘throw hands’ during dinner at my parents house, I was deeply aware that all anyone would need is to land one, mildly offensive hit and I’d be a goner.

But I was even more terrified of what would happen to him if he got involved.

In the calmest voice I could manage, I said, “I scared myself. I overreacted.”

“Calista—” My name was a growl coming out of his mouth.

“Drop it, Fane. I was…being dramatic.” Ugh. I wanted to tit-punch myself for that one.

“You’re joking.” He scoffed, looking so unimpressed I wanted to laugh, as inappropriate as it would have been right then. That’s when I noticed the time.

“Oh my god.” I’d never scrambled off my bed so fast in my life. “Oh my god, they’re going to kill me.”

It was half past seven. As in, an entire hour after we should have been at dinner.

“Fucking shit. ” I pulled off my workout clothes without even remotely caring that I was pretty much completely naked in front of Fane. I’d die a little bit over that later, along with the fact that I had been pressed against him while there were actual rivulets of sweat dripping off my body.

“Rose.” Fane continued to sit on my bed, arms crossed and an amused look on his face. I wanted to flick it right off, even though the rigidness of his entire body told me that, more than anything, he wanted to figure out what the fuck happened.

I was hopping on one leg, trying to shimmy on my jeans with one hand while looking for literally anything to cover my top half with the other. “Fane, get up. We’re late for dinner. My mom’s going to hand me my ass.”

I was still hopping and pretty confident I was trying to get my head through the armhole of a sweatshirt when Fane spoke again.

“As much as I’m enjoying this, which I am, thoroughly , I already called Ash. He’s taking one for the team, let your folks know that I wasn’t feeling well, and you stayed home to look after me.”

A light breeze could have knocked me over.

“This conversation isn’t over, Calista.” I heard him get up and walk toward me.

“Oh, yes, it is.” I will admit that I wish I’d been a little more composed physically so my delivery of that line was taken with the seriousness I said it with.

I didn’t let myself think about the fact that my head was stuck in the sleeve of my sweatshirt and my pants were halfway on. Instead, I held my breath and pretended that just like I couldn’t see him, and he couldn’t see me.

“You might hate the fact that I know you, but I do. Whatever it is you don’t want to tell me, I’ll figure it out, and then I’ll help you whether you and your stubborn, perfect ass wants me to or not. Oh, and you’re welcome.”

I flipped him off.