Page 24 of Fair Trade (New York Monarchs #2)

twenty

I need her to hate me.

I keep repeating the thought in my mind.

It’s for the best. She needs her anger to keep her company when I can’t.

She won’t allow herself to date me, and I’m not going to make her life difficult by making her feel guilty about her choice.

When I saw her standing outside my office, with that look of hope in her eyes, I knew I would be submitting us both to a world of pain if I didn’t nip this in the bud.

I knew what she’d come to say. Hell, she probably needed the day to process her feelings around dating me instead of murdering me.

But I knew how things would ultimately play out.

She would give in. I would fall in love with her and try my damndest to make her stay. But time would pass, articles would be written, and she would grow resentful until, eventually, she left me.

She would always be remembered as the woman who slept with her boss, while I would walk away unscathed. The media never holds men to the same diabolical standard they do women, and I’ll never let that happen to Luisa.

Therefore, I need her to hate me.

Because if she doesn’t and she comes at me once more with that look in her eye, I’ll crumble and welcome the inevitable pain.

I run my hand through my hair as I look around the airplane.

The flight attendant is making me a stiff drink as the pilots prepare for takeoff.

I look over at the only lady who can bear to be in my presence when I’m in this dark of a mood. “Get over here, Delilah.”

I pat my lap, and she comes willingly, her pretty eyes shining bright.

“That’s my good girl,” I say, as she wags her tail and her tongue lolls out the side of her mouth.

I’m an asshole to the highest degree for not clarifying to Luisa that Delilah is my beloved pup who always travels with me.

But there was no reason to.

Because in the end, I need her to hate me.

At least half as much as I hate myself.