Page 23 of Fair Trade (New York Monarchs #2)

nineteen

I can fix this.

Maybe.

Sorta.

Fuck.

Goddamn it, Nick. Why did you have to mess this all up?

We were perfectly fine, dancing on the edge of a knife blade, teetering past what was appropriate for a boss/employee relationship.

And then I went ahead and kissed him. Right before I said I was sorry and walked out on him.

It was probably always going to end this way, but why did it have to be now?

This doesn’t feel over.

It can’t be.

But Nick was vulnerable enough to ask for what he wanted, so maybe it’s time I did the same.

Something that I’ve learned I need to work on is slowing down while under pressure. That’s something he taught me. Yet when he had his body pressed against mine, I couldn’t think, couldn’t trust my own judgment, and ran to my first instinct.

To protect my image.

It sounds callous now that I’ve had a day to reflect on everything, and I think Nick and I need another conversation to really talk things through. Preferably one where we’re not touching each other. That way my brain cells can be present.

“Good morning, Marla. Is he in?” I point at Nick’s closed door.

Marla looks between the door and me, as if a wild animal might escape its confines. “Maybe you should stop by later? The boss seems to be in a bit of a mood.”

“Oh.” I drop into the extra seat by Marla’s desk, guilt consuming me.

I hear a door swoosh open and a sudden energy shift.

“No need. I’m here now. What do you need, Ms. álvarez?” Nick stands before his open office door, more imposing than ever. Gone are the flickers of mischief in his eyes or the slight upturn at the corners of his lips.

As well as my name, apparently.

“Uh. Hi, Ni—Stonehaven. I wanted to know if you had a minute. To talk.” I clear my throat, feeling awkward.

Nick looks down at his watch and gives me a slight shake of his head. “I’m afraid I don’t have a minute to spare.” He looks at Marla. “Call my pilot and have my plane ready to go within the hour, please. I’d like to be in London before midnight.”

“London?” I ask, my voice coming out dangerously close to a shrill.

“Yes. I have an actual company to run besides this side gig, in case you’ve forgotten. And I have pressing matters that need my undivided attention,” he offers cooly.

“Noted. When will you be back? You know, in case I have to discuss business matters with you?”

“What other matters besides business would we need to discuss, Ms. álvarez?” The second time he refuses to say my name stings even more. “If anything needs my immediate attention, be sure to email Marla. She’ll keep me informed and up to date on anything urgent.”

“Oh.” My voice cracks as I rock back on my heels.

His eyes meet mine, and for a brief moment, I can see him.

The Nick who laid his heart on the line yesterday.

The man who begged me to jump into the deep end, because he was right there to catch me.

The same one I kissed right before I walked away and acted as if I couldn’t hear his agony as I slumped against his office door.

His face softens, and I swear I can almost see the white flag being waved in his eyes.

His shoulders slump on an exhale, and I wonder, if I just stare at him long enough, whether I can wear him down. For a few minutes to make my case. I haven’t got the first clue what it is, but it sure as hell isn’t indulging in this alphahole gimmick he’s putting on to save face.

He shakes his head, as if he can read my mind and is telling me to let it go.

Let him go.

I shake mine right back at him. Because now that I’m faced with the reality of Nick really leaving, I’m not sure if the idea of being ridiculed in the media was reason enough to let myself run away from the one thing I can’t stop thinking about.

I want Nick.

I open my mouth, the truth on my lips.

Nick watches me intently, almost as if he’s waiting with bated breath to hear what I should have said yesterday.

But then I realize that Marla is watching us with poorly veiled curiosity, causing me to hesitate. The slight delay seems to be the final nail in the coffin of Nick’s resolve.

He rubs his hand roughly over his short beard, and I remember how delicious it felt while my nails lightly scratched alongside his jaw while we kissed.

He faces Marla, his voice turned gentle and low but not low enough that I can’t hear his next words.

“Don’t forget: I’m bringing Delilah with me. I know it’s last minute, but please make sure all arrangements are made for her to join me. Spare no expense. I want her to be comfortable on the flight.”

His brown eyes raise to meet mine, and his bravado turns into pity. My stomach takes a nosedive as he shakes his head one last time before walking back into his office without so much as a backward glance.

I bite down on the inside of my cheek and force myself to focus on the physical pain instead of the punch to the gut he just delivered.

He’s taking a woman to London with him.

Someone he’s clearly familiar with.

All this time, I ate up the bullshit that he wasn’t sleeping with any of his dates. In reality, he probably was, while also banging this Delilah woman on the side.

A tidal wave of regret, disbelief, and repulsion pummels through my body.

How could I be so stupid?

He clearly was only in it for the chase, and once I turned him down, he was onto the next.

I leave without saying goodbye to Marla, not trusting my voice not to crack.

My heels click loudly on the tiled floor. I itch to take them off and chuck them into the nearest trash can, since I’m wearing one of the pairs that Nick bought me.

I place a hand on my stomach as I continue to walk swiftly back to my office, holding back the sudden urge to barf.

I literally paraded around the offices like his personal little Barbie doll, dressed in the clothes he bought me.

I make it to my office and slam the door shut, rattling the hinges.

I take a seat at my desk and force a handful of deep breaths into my lungs.

I’m okay. He’s just a man. And men are trash. We already know this.

I open up my email and stagger back slightly at his name staring back at me.

So many emails.

I ignore all of our past correspondence and instead shoot off an alarming amount of meeting requests with my team and agents across the country.

It’s time for me to remember who I am and why I’m here.

I’m going to make a name for myself.

And I’m going to do it in spite of the men who try to stand in my way.

Because this is what I was meant to do with my life.

Because people are counting on me.

Because I’m going to make my family proud.

And, most importantly, because Nicholas Stonehaven can get fucked.