Page 35 of Faded Rhythm

Sable

I’m getting used to evenings here in Julian’s safehouse. The girls being silly. Silverware clinking. The occasional joke from Julian that makes them laugh way harder than they should. The outside world is still slowly creeping in, but for now, I feel at peace.

“Mommy, can you read us a story?” Rae asks, tugging at the hem of my t-shirt. I hand Kelice a plate, which she puts in the dishwasher.

“When I’m done with this, Rae Rae. Sit tight.”

“Ughhhhh, you always say that.”

“And I always mean it.”

Julian snickers behind me as he wipes down the kitchen table. “Rae Rae, come help me with this table.”

Happy to be useful, Rae makes a beeline for Julian, leaving me and Kelice to the dishes.

After, we gather in the guest room in pajamas. Rae is cycling through the books on my kindle when Julian pokes his head in.

“Goodnight, ladies. See y’all in the morning.”

“Nooooo!” Kelice whines. “Can you read us a story?”

“Me?” Julian’s confusion is so cute. He takes a step into the room, raising his eyebrows at me.

“It’s fine,” I say, and the girls cheer.

He flops down on the other twin bed, and I watch as the girls curl up beside him, one under each arm.

I feel warmed seeing the way he softens for them.

He starts reading, changing voices for each character, and I find myself just as engrossed as the girls.

Rae giggles. Kelice rests her head on his shoulder.

And they both look like they feel completely… safe.

And I feel grateful.

After kisses goodnight, I tell the girls I’ll be back later, shutting the door behind me.

As soon as it clicks shut, Julian presses me against the wall, our lips meeting with no hesitation.

It’s slow and deep and hungry, and not just with lust. There’s need.

Desperation. An ache that needs to be soothed.

We kiss our way down the hall, falling through his bedroom door and onto the sheets.

We make love twice, then we lay tangled together afterward, skin on skin, heartbeats in sync. His fingertips trace idle circles along my bare back.

“What do you need from the store tomorrow?” he says. “I’m gonna make a run.”

“I’ll text you later. I’m not in my right mind at the moment.”

He chuckles at that. “Dick knocked something loose, huh?”

I swat at him, missing by a mile. “Stop.”

He kisses my forehead. “I’m thinking about going fishing tomorrow. There’s a lake out there at the edge of the property.” He strokes a finger down my arm. “I get catfish out of there and fry ‘em up. That’s my favorite meal, lowkey.”

“Really?”

He shrugs. “I’m a simple man.”

That gets my wheels turning.

“You never did tell me,” he says.

“Tell you what?”

“How you know you’re in love.”

I shift, propping myself on my elbow so I can stare at his face.

“It’s hard to explain.” I put my hand on his abs.

“You feel the butterflies, for sure. But it’s also…

wanting to be near them every minute of the day.

Missing them the moment they leave the room.

Not wanting the night to end, even when you’re dead tired. ”

I smile.

“Crying with them when they’re hurting. Smiling when they smile. It’s basking in their light…” I trail a finger up his stomach to his chest, tracing the raised edges of his scars. “And not running away from their darkness.”

He nods slowly, his eyes softening as he gazes up at me. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt that. Not really.”

He goes quiet, his eyes drifting up to the ceiling. I wait, letting the silence stretch until he speaks again.

“I didn’t tell you everything before. About the woman.”

My heart drops. “Okay…”

He takes a deep breath, placing his hand on top of mine on his chest. I can see the pain from the memory etched across his face. I’ve felt that pain. I still do.

“I was gonna marry her.”

“You were engaged?” I swallow hard. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Not exactly,” he says. “I met up with her a few times. I agreed to bring her and her kids back, just…I was on some Superman bullshit, I guess. I’d watched that village for a while, and I saw how much danger they were in.” He blows out a sigh. “I feel stupid as fuck.”

“Why?”

He shakes his head. “AJ was the only one from my squadron who knew. He kept warning me not to get caught up. And I didn’t fuckin’ listen. I let myself get compromised.”

“What was her name?”

He squeezes his eyes shut. “I don’t even like saying it. I still feel guilty for getting her killed.”

“How did you get her killed? It was a war, Julian.”

“She might not have been there that night if she didn’t know I was coming. I don’t…” he trails off. “I don’t know. It’s my fault.”

He blows out another breath, shaking his head. “Fuck.”

“What was her name?”

“Damsa.” He pushes it out like it’s his last breath. “She had three kids. Two boys and a girl. They all died, too.”

“Jesus.”

He shrugs like he’s trying to shake off the pain.

“I wish you had told me,” I say. “You can share anything with me.”

He brings his eyes back to mine. “Anything?”

“Anything.”

“Okay.” He lifts my hand, pressing his lips to the back of it. “When I was little, I tried to picture my mother’s face. I wondered if I had her eyes. Her nose. If our laugh was the same.”

I nod.

“And weirdly, I imagined that she had a pretty voice. I would close my eyes at night and imagine her singing me a lullaby.”

“Julian.”

“So when you told me you wanted to sing, it made me wonder.”

I smile.

“Do you really sing?”

“Not anymore.” I lace my fingers through his. “Only when I think nobody’s listening.”

He gives me a sad smile. “Pretend I’m not listening.”

I hesitate. Clear my throat. “Why am I nervous?”

“Don’t be,” he says.

“Okay…but you can’t look at me. Close your eyes.”

He does.

And I start, singing At Your Best by Aaliyah. My voice is soft, high-pitched, and breathy. Powerhouse, I am not. But it’s pleasant. And as soon as I get to the chorus, a tear slides out of his eye and down the side of his face. Startled, I stop singing and wait.

When he opens his eyes, they’re glassy and sad. I reach over and wipe his face, realizing my own eyes are full.

“Why’d you stop?” he asks, his voice cracking.

I pull him into my arms. He rests his head on my chest. He’s quiet, but I can tell he’s crying. It’s probably the first time in years he’s allowed himself to.

So I hold him.

And I finish the song through my tears.

At some point, we fall asleep, still entwined, exposed, and finally, finally , not alone.