Page 28 of Faded Rhythm

Sable

Julian’s eyes keep flicking to the rearview mirror like they always do. He’s always watching. Always alert. Protecting us. I rest a hand on his thigh, because I want to touch him, and because I can’t touch him the way I want to right now.

I check the mirrors, too, just because. I wanna see the world through his eyes. I’m not one to care too much about my surroundings, but Julian is always on edge. I guess that’s what life is like when you’re surrounded by things that could end it.

The girls are quiet in the back, unusual for them, but the second we crest a hill, that changes.

“OH MY GOSH!”

“MOMMY, LOOK!?”

“IS THAT A CARNIVAL ?!?!”

Their squeals burst like bubbles in the air. When I look back, Rae is practically crawling over Kelice to get close to the window.

I reach back, trying to settle them. “Okay, okay. Calm down. Rae, get back in your seat. And y’all need to quiet down.”

Julian taps my thigh. “It’s all good. Let them be excited.”

I look over at him, surprised to see a smile.

“That’s the reaction I was hoping for,” he says.

That hits me in my chest. He wanted to see them happy, which makes me happy.

I swallow the lump in my throat as we pull into a gravel lot, the tires crunching as the neon lights of the fair sparkle against the cotton-candy sky.

The second Julian opens their doors, the girls shoot off like bullets, racing toward the ticket booths.

We follow behind, exchanging smiles. The smell hits me right in my memory; butter and cinnamon, powdered sugar and deep fried batter, popcorn, hot dogs.

I’m in heaven right now thinking back to the days when me and Ebony ran around just like this whenever a carnival came to town.

Six Flags was always there, but there’s something special about these traveling fairs.

“How’d you find this place?” I ask, sliding my hand into his without even thinking about it.

He looks down at our hands, then straight ahead. “There was a fair that came through my neighborhood in Brooklyn. It would set up about half a mile from the group home. I could see the lights every night from my window, but I never got to go.”

I squeeze his hand.

“I came to this one when I was working at Fort Gillem. Every time.”

“I’m trying to picture you on a ride…laughing and kicking your feet.”

“I wasn’t kicking no damn feet, Sable.”

I burst out laughing. “Too late, I see it in my head.”

He chuckles. “Whatever. Let’s go have some fun.”

Julian walks up to the dart throw like a man on a mission. He hands the attendant a few bills, takes the darts, and bam! The first one hits dead center.

Kelice claps.

The second one? Bullseye.

Both girls jump up and down, clapping like the stakes are high. Which, for them, I guess they are.

“Winner!” the attendant announces. “Pick your prize.”

Julian looks down at Rae and points at a row of colorful stuffed animals. “Which one do you want, sweetheart?”

Her eyes widen before she points to a pink stuffed elephant with glittery eyes.

Julian leans down and hands it to her like he’s presenting her with a treasure. Kelice starts whining, which makes him turn toward her.

“You’re next, sweetheart. Don’t worry.”

She smiles, and my heart melts as we move to the ring toss. He prepares to make his first throw, stopping to look at Kelice.

“This one’s for you.”

Once again, Julian’s accuracy is one-hundred percent. Every time he lands a ring, the music kicks up and the lights flash. I watch the reflection in Kelice’s eyes and feel grateful. We’re okay. They’re okay. They’re safe.

Kelice chooses a purple stuffed unicorn, then we’re on the move again.

Julian stops at a shooting game. “This one’s for you,” he whispers in my ear, and I’m not ashamed to say this sets off a fire inside of me.

Five tin cans are lined up on a beam. He lifts the air rifle, and for those few minutes, I see the other version of him: the sharp-eyed, steady-handed military genius.

He shoots.

Bullseye.

Again and again and again. Five perfect shots. Then another five.

The game attendant’s jaw drops. “Did you ever think about entering a tournament or something?”

Julian smirks, then winks at me, and I have to admit, he’s somehow even sexier to me now than he was before. I didn’t think that was possible.

“Take your pick, man.” The attendant points to the top row of prizes. “Those are the most expensive ones, but you earned it.”

Julian inclines his head. “Whatever you want.”

I scan the top shelf, smiling when I see a giant brown teddy bear with a little gold crown on his head.

“That one,” I say, pointing. “I’m gonna name him King.”

Julian bursts out laughing.

“What?” I playfully demand. “King the bear.” I hug the giant animal to my chest. “Ruler of all stuffies.”

He laughs again, a real, unguarded laugh, and I feel like I just cracked his outer shell for the first time.

We get funnel cakes dusted with powdered sugar so thick, I end up sneezing. Julian wipes my nose with a napkin like it’s the most natural thing in the world. The girls pay us no mind, they’re so busy devouring their greasy treats.

We sit down together, the four of us on a long bench under sparkling string lights, sticky-fingered and happy, and it’s so easy to forget the circumstances that brought us here. And I do.

And then Julian stiffens.

It’s subtle, but I feel it. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

His eyes are narrowed as he sets his plate down and mumbles, “I’ll be right back.”

I don’t even have time to turn my head and ask what’s wrong. He’s already moving through the bustling crowd, disappearing between booths.

My stomach drops, because I know that look. I recognize that posture. Something’s wrong. Something’s coming.

And our happy little moment is over.