Page 32 of Faded Rhythm

Sable

I’m in the kitchen rinsing grapes for the girls, trying to forget the last ten minutes, when I feel him behind me.

I don’t turn around.

His presence feels the same as it usually does. Quiet and controlled, but somehow still overwhelming.

I turn off the water and pat the grapes dry with a paper towel. I feel him beside me, and when I finally glance over, his eyes lock onto mine.

“I’m sorry,” he says softly.

I close my eyes just for a second to gather myself. Those two words mean more to mean than I expected them to.

A rough finger brushes a tear off my cheek that I didn’t know had fallen. Then another.

“Don’t cry,” he murmurs.

I sniffle, opening my eyes to meet his gaze. “Too late.” I shake my head. “I was in my feelings.”

“It’s all good.” He steps closer. “Of course I want you.”

My breath hitches.

“I want you more than I’ve wanted anything in as long as I can remember.” His voice is low and rough. “It’s just hard for me to let my guard down right now. Your life is in danger, Sable. Your girls need you around.”

He pauses, then his hand lingers on my face, his thumb stroking just under my eyes.

“I need you, too.”

The oxygen rushes out of me at those words. I feel weak. I feel overjoyed. I feel a confusing ache in my chest.

“Look at my Iron Giant, expressing a feeling.”

He leans in. His lips brush mine, tentative at first, then with more purpose. The kind of kiss that says what words can’t. He pulls me against him, and I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him closer, deepening the kiss.

My body is on fire.

But I pull away this time before we get caught.

“I think I should probably tell the girls you’re not really our cousin.”

He smiles. “You worried about getting caught kissing me?”

“Kind of,” I say with a chuckle. “I’m not trying to scar them for life.”

I take a step back and smile again, but at a memory this time.

“This feels like deja vu,” I say.

His eyes narrow. “Meaning?”

“Do you remember me telling you about my cousin Dash who got killed?”

He nods, his expression curious.

“He…wasn’t really my cousin.”

His expression changes slightly, but he doesn’t say a word.

“It was puppy love,” I explain. “But it felt so strong at the time.” I smile involuntarily. “I was thirteen, but you couldn’t tell me I wasn’t in love with that boy.”

Julian chuckles at that.

“Redd brought him around. He was a little knucklehead from around the way who needed something to do to keep him off the street. He started working for Redd, so he was always around.”

I put my hand to my neck, remembering what used to lay against my chest.

“He was rough around the edges, but he was so sweet with me. We had to sneak around. My daddy would have beat him senseless if he knew. Redd, too,” I say with a laugh.

“He had this gold rope chain with a dollar sign on it. He gave it to me on Valentine’s day.

I never wore it over my clothes so nobody would see it. ”

I swallow hard as the memories flood back to me.

“He was my first…everything. First kiss. First…you know.”

Julian nods.

“First person I ever told my dreams to. He used to sneak me out of the house and take me skating or to get pizza. We’d sit for hours talking about what we’d do when we grew up. We were gonna be Jay Z and Beyonce, let us tell it.”

Julian laughs with me.

“He wanted to rap, obviously. I wanted to sing. My parents were dead set against me going into entertainment under any circumstances, but Dash promised me as soon as I turned eighteen, we’d get married and work on our albums.”

I shake my head as tears well up in my eyes. “We were just dumb kids. We didn’t know anything.”

Julian’s quiet. Still listening. His eyes are on me, soft but alert.

“I loved him so much.” I blink back tears. “And he loved me back. He told me every single day.”

My fingers fidget at my neck. I don’t want to remember this part, but it all comes rushing back. The way it ended. The day my world cracked in two.

“He died a couple of years after I married Brett.”

“Why’d y’all break up?”

“I was a wreck when my father died, and he didn’t have room for my grief and his. Brett wiggled his way in and that was that.”

I wipe a tear. “He got shot just a few blocks from my house. I heard the gunshots and everything. I just didn’t know…” I trail off, then I break down.

I let out the kind of sob that’s been stuck in the back of your throat for years. My knees weaken, but Julian holds me up, pulling me into him again without a word. He lets me cry into his chest, about another man, and it’s exactly what I need.

And it’s his acceptance of me, and this, that gives me the courage I need to say something else. Something I should have said days ago.

“Julian?” I whisper.

“Yeah?”

“I have to tell you something.”