Page 25

Nerys’s heart thudded and her legs had trouble holding her upright.

Was he offering what she thought he was offering?

85 What if he was just saying this to lay with her now?

Nobles had been known to lie about less.

Especially about that. And despite his promises, she was a peasant—easily used and discarded with no consequences.

But Idris wasn’t Cefin. He had protected her. Taken care of her. He was different. After what she had been through, she was different. Now, she could dare to dream.

“That sounds wonderful,” Nerys said. And smiled.

Not even the specter of lurking shadows could distract Nerys from the flesh-and-blood creature that was truly haunting her days.

“Stop gawking like a lost pigeon—we need to talk,” Fina said suddenly one afternoon, interrupting their lesson on napkin placement in the lodge’s dining room. Even that had rules at court.

“Why?”

Fina sighed. “Trust me. I don’t want to do this either.

But it has to be done.” A week had passed since Nerys had last seen the shadow—and shattered priceless teacups—and if she had hoped that Idris’s announcement about her new role in Cerdoran would somehow change how Fina felt about her, she was very wrong.

“Then we don’t need to,” Nerys replied. “We see quite enough of each other.”

“Come.” Fina stood and gestured to her. “It’ll be a nice change. Maybe.”

There was no point in delaying the inevitable.

“Alright.” Nerys pushed back her chair and followed Fina out of the house, their footsteps and the bangs of a distant cook the only sounds through the dark halls.

What did Fina want now? Whatever Fina felt like discussing, it probably didn’t involve keeping Nerys around a moment longer than she had to.

“So, there’s a few things,” Fina said, once they were away from the lodge and making their own path through the manicured woods, the boughs bare and beckoning for Winter’s embrace.

The wind cut through Nerys’s dress, the air bearing a taste of the season to come.

Today the sky was layered in gray clouds, threatening to pour water on them at any minute.

Hopefully, it would cut this visit short.

Nerys crossed her arms. “Why do you need to talk to me? About why you hate me?”

“I don’t hate you. I hate the idea of you.”

“Same thing.”

Fina snorted, whipping her long golden braid behind her shoulder.

In her burgundy dress trimmed with black lace, Fina cut a morose figure against the dying woods.

“It’s not quite the same thing. As much as I do not enjoy your company, you’ve done nothing to me.

I’m aware of that. And I do, truly, want you to succeed.

But what you’re doing to my brother, now that’s another story. ”

“I haven’t done anything to him.” Probably.

“Oh no, nothing. Except make him throw himself into danger.”

“What are you talking about? The village? Because I didn’t want to—”

“Not that. Idris would be dashing into one thing or another even without you.” Fina opened her mouth to speak, closed it, and then shook her head.

“It doesn’t matter. And he” ?she shook her head again? “that’s not what I brought you out here for.

” A raven cawed and flew overhead, pulling their attention upward before Fina’s next words brought them crashing back to earth.

“We need to talk about how you plan on approaching the R?ll, and—as much as I wish otherwise—Idri thought it best if it were me.”

“Um…why?” Oh no. There was only one thing Fina could be referring to. If only that raven would rush them, attack, pluck out their eyes, shit on their hair. Anything was better than this conversation.

“It’s about your upcoming…intimate relations. With the R?ll.”

Yup. A rabid bird was a better option.

“What about them?” Nerys asked, her mouth curling like it was full of vinegar. “Wait, more than one? Are you trying to tell me how to seduce the R?ll?” Nerys tripped over a fallen branch and narrowly avoided a nearby mud puddle.

“Trust me.” Fina closed her eyes for a moment. “I don’t want to discuss this either. But the fact remains that this is an important part of our plan, and we don’t want there to be any…complications. It won’t work unless you can get the R?ll to spend time with you. Alone.”

Nerys’s nose crinkled. “Will I actually have to lay with him?” she whispered, in a tone more suitable to asking if she was going to have a tooth pulled.

Fina’s eyebrow lifted. “You didn’t think about this before?”

“I did.” Not really. “I just hoped it wouldn’t get that far.”

Fina shrugged. “Maybe it will. Likely not, if everything goes to plan. But you need to act like you want it to happen. Even though the R?ll has seen better days.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s old, and hasn’t embraced his years well.” Fina narrowed her eyes. “Have you seen his portraits?”

“Yes. Printings were sent to our village. And our elder had a painting in his house.”

“How recently were they drawn?”

Nerys thought for a moment. “A few years ago? A decade?”

Fina smiled and nodded. “Yes, and remember—portraits are always flattering.”

Oh. That was not good. He wasn’t an ugly man in the pictures. Plump, yes. Balding, yes. A smile that never showed teeth, yes. Pasty skin with a few suspicious moles? Oh, yes. But if that was supposed to be flattering… Oh. Oh, no. This was going to be harder than she thought .

“Can you tell me how the court women do it?” Nerys asked. “Develop an attraction to him. The R?ll is old.”

“And rich. And powerful. They probably lie back and think of the silk gowns and estates. And the young lovers they will entertain afterwards.” A devious smile crept onto Fina’s face. “There are more important things in life than appearances.”

“Like hygiene,” Nerys muttered.

“Like control ,” Fina corrected. “Our courts are different, but I can’t imagine that this is not something we share. For all that someone may claim to be in love—or in lust—there isn’t a single relationship that isn’t simply a matter of what one can get out of it.”

“That’s…delightful.”

Fina huffed, but didn’t issue a snappy retort.

The wind picked up and Nerys shivered. Another reminder that by the time winter arrived in full, these lessons were not going to be mere theory.

As for the R?ll…while it would be easier to kill him with the candles lit, maybe darkness would be better for everyone. 86

The two women walked in silence for a short distance, until Fina spoke again. “Will you know what to expect, if that does happen? With the R?ll. Because it won’t do to have you run from the room in horror at the first sign of dropped breeches.”

Heat rose to Nerys’s face. She was probably as red as the leaves. “Yes. I know how everything works.”

“Ah.” Fina nodded. “I’m surprised.”

“I’m twenty-four.”

“This has nothing to do with your age. In Cerdoran you’d be expected to be on your second or third openly acknowledged lover. I just thought Ca’mailians were a bit more…restrained.”

“That’s none of your business.”

Fina paused. Was she expecting Nerys to tell her about Cefin? Or anyone else? 87 Because the last thing Nerys needed was Fina passing yet more judgment on Nerys’s romantic choices. And failures .

“I don’t need any details,” Fina said, apparently deciding to forego a chance to mock Nerys. For once. “We just want to make sure that if it came down to it, you can do it.”

“I’ll be fine.” She wasn’t. Quite the opposite.

But what normal person would have been “fine” having this conversation, with the one person on the estate she liked the least?

Then again, would she really want to have this conversation with Idris?

Nope. Fina was about as comforting as a splinter under a fingernail, but at least this exchange couldn’t make things worse between them.

And Idris…she didn’t want him thinking about her… doing that…with an old man.

“Good.” Fina nodded. “I’m glad you’re ready. The more you can prepare yourself, the better. We’re hoping you will only need to be alone with him once—and to be blunt, that once may be all you get. Though, getting him to be interested in you shouldn’t be too difficult.”

“Why? There are hundreds of women at court.”

“Easy. You’re new and you’re pretty.” Nerys gripped her cloak, waiting for the insult, whatever ungainly animal Fina would compare her to this time.

“You don’t look like a court lady—your expression is too soft, your complexion still a little uneven—but you have a certain…

freshness that I think will catch his attention.

Besides” ?Fina shrugged? “the R?ll has a fondness for new arrivals. It’s keeping his attention for more than a night or two that’s the issue—but you won’t be around long enough for that to matter. ” Fina laughed. “He won’t either.”

Nerys didn’t join in. Damn…she had more than just unsightly, wrinkled, saggy man-things to navigate—she had to turn those things into a corpse. “What— how am I supposed to do it? Kill him. I was planning on stabbing him.”

Fina flicked her wrist. “That’ll serve.” She hesitated before asking, “Will you be able to stomach it?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure? This isn’t gutting a chicken. This is a man—one who will be struggling and fighting back.”

“Yes.” All she had to do was picture Adilette, and what was done to her.

“I’ve killed sheep, cows, deer, and more.

Gutted them too. And the animals did nothing to me.

” The very least the R?ll deserved was a stab to the gut, removing of entrails, the scraping and divestment of skin, and skewering and roasting, and finally, a delicate presentation on the dinner table, complete with sauce and a bunch of parsley.

Though Nerys would settle for the stabbing .

Fina snorted. “Alright. But we should discuss another option, too. Do you think you could poison him?”

“How would I—”

“We’ll need to talk about it, but we have some ideas. Most likely it will be rubbing an ointment on him—after you have taken an antidote.”

“That sounds…like it could fail.”

“Nerys, all of this could fail.” Fina pursed her lips. “You’re still willing to do this, right?”

“Idris convinced me. Thoroughly.”

“I’m sure he did,” Fina muttered. “Well, we have time. Not much, but we’ll figure it out.”

“I’m sure we will.”