Page 170 of Evil Hearts

Drazon

“ D razon!” my best friend, Veux, screamed at my front door.

Veux and I lived in the bubble universe that the demons lived inside. Humans who ventured into our realm called it hell and sometimes we joked that it was hell. It was our home. There had been movements to take over the human world, but they never succeeded. I opened the door, and she swanned inside.

“What are you doing, loser?” she asked.

“I was sleeping until you came to my door.”

“I need a favor,” she whined. “I have an amazing date with a witch Earth-side. I need someone to take my shift.”

“But I hate working at the Deals and Bets department,” I complained.

“Please. I will make it up to you.”

“You owe me, like, fifty times over,” I replied as I turned back to my room to get dressed.

“Think about what you could get from me when I pay you back.”

I pulled a pair of pants out of my closet and threw a shirt over my head. “Nothing. ’Cause you’ll never pay me back. You’re the worst demon ever.”

“I do it well. I never pay things back. I might be the best ever.”

“And one day you won’t avoid it. Fine. Go on your date. Get fucked sideways.”

“You need to get laid. Go find a human that needs an incubus. You might even find one today. Then that will be one favor done.”

“Bullshit.” I walked back to my front door as Veux followed. “If I get laid because of working at the D and B, it will not be from one of your favors.”

“Blah. Blah. Blah.” In a burst of red smoke, Veux disappeared. I made another face and slid onto my motorbike. It didn’t take long to make it to the office. I met Veux years ago at the D and B before I quit. Since things in our world worked through bartering, bets, and deals, it was easy for her to have me pop in and take her place once in a while. The D and B Department looked like your basic soul sucking office. Cubicles were everywhere the eye could see, phones and tablets chirping in the background, and the hushed voices of gossip in the background. The best part was we didn’t have much for bosses. There was one boss, but I avoided him personally and professionally. I guess you could say an office was hell. The scent of stale coffee hung in the air as I meandered past rows of cubicles, each a miniature world, until I found hers. I logged in with her credentials and waited. Somewhere, someone on Earth would say a spell or summoning and trigger her tablet to answer.

“Drazon’s here!” someone shouted a few cubicles away. That was Danziuel. Veux and he dated a while back. “Guess Veux went to get laid again. How many times is that?”

“Five!” someone else yelled. Everyone else erupted into a fit of giggles.

“Drazon’s too good for us to work here anymore.”

“Why would I want to be with you lot?” I asked.

“It will probably be an easy day. Been quiet lately.” After that, everyone went back to their work answering their tablets or calls. As far as I knew, Veux didn’t have any long-term humans. She was just on-call help. Veux wasn’t the type to keep a long-term deal going on unless it was a deal with a fellow demon to get what she wanted. There were others in the departments who had long-term walks to ensure politicians, families, or whatever get what they want in life. Usually money, sex, fame. Just depends on the person. I hated dealing with these people.

Hours passed, and I was starting to think maybe they were right and it would be a slow day. That is, until the ceiling above me glowed orange and something crashed behind me. I groaned. This was the worst thing to happen: a sacrifice. Either it would be a living person or a dead something .

“Drazon’s got a sacrifice!”

“Woooooo!” someone else screamed. Hoots and hollers filled the room as I turned around. A woman tied to a chair lay on the floor behind me. I snapped my fingers, and the straps disappeared from her body. I pulled her out of the chair and into my arms. She was a plump little human. My fingers caressed her face, her eyes fluttered open, and she screamed.

Of fucking course.