Page 25

TOUGH LOVE

Dean

The shrill of children screaming and playing echoes through the open courtyard in front of Happy Days Early Learning Academy.

It will never not amaze me just how…awake and full of life the tiny humans seem to be before nine in the morning.

Lemmie and Mellie barely said goodbye to me before running off, hand in hand with Cami to join the other kids in an intense game of tag on the grass.

After breakfast, Luke had to get ready to go into the station for a podcast recording while Kira and I wrangled the kids and their backpacks and walked them to preschool.

“Should you even be walking around in your condition?” I ask my sister, who has one hand on Ollie’s stroller and is propping a lemon-yellow water bottle on her belly with the other.

“Oh I just love when men try to explain the female body to me,” Kira sighs sarcastically.

“I’m not trying to explain anything, I’m just wondering. I don’t know what the proper protocol is but I feel like you should be lying in a manger or something.”

“Dios mio. You sound just like my husband. I’m fine. I taught a ninety minute endurance run this morning before you were even out of bed. And need I remind you, when I was pregnant with Cami, I worked literally until my water broke on the bike.”

I grimace at that image. I was in that class. Finding out the puddle of sweat under my sister’s bike wasn’t actually sweat, but baby juice is something a brother can never get over.

“You’re right. You’re a badass, and I’m an idiot for inquiring as to your capabilities,” I concede, throwing my hands up in surrender.

Miss Stephanie, the girls’ classroom leader, claps her hands three times in the doorway, signaling that it’s time for school to begin.

The kids follow suit, clapping three times while lining up in a single file fashion in front of her.

If the amount of energy these preschoolers have before nine is amazing, Miss Stephanie’s ability to wrangle them without a single word is downright miraculous.

Kira and I wait until the kids are safely inside the school, and once the door has been shut behind them, she takes Ollie’s stroller from me and we head back in the direction of our houses.

We both talk to Ollie as we walk, pointing out houses and trees and dogs that we see on the street as we make our way to Espresso Yourself, a coffee shop owned by Kira’s friend, Rachel.

We stop here pretty much every morning for coffee and croissant after school drop off.

There’s a mile long line when we enter the robin’s egg blue building, but Rachel spots us as soon as we walk in.

“Keeks, corner by the window. I’ll send someone over with your breakfast in a minute,” Rachel calls over.

Kira lifts Ollie from her stroller and I fold it up, leaning it next to the coat rack by the door.

We maneuver our way through the crowded cafe to a small round table with the high chair and the reserved sign already set up.

Once we’re seated and Ollie is settled, it only takes a minute before one of the baristas is delivering our iced coffees, apple juice, and pastries.

“I love that you have friends in high places,” I say as I take an enormous bite of flaky, buttery chocolate croissant.

Kira tears a blueberry muffin into bite sized pieces, handing a few to Ollie.

My baby girl mashes them in her fists before smashing them into her mouth, immediately covering herself in sugary purple goo.

“Yeah, well, your free trial period for benefitting from my social circle has come to end. And I only take payments in the form of hot gossip,” she says as she sips her cherry chai latte.

“I spend my days at home, cooking, cleaning and taking care of a baby like I’m Donna Reed in a backwards baseball cap. There is no hot gossip to tell,” I say with a laugh and a roll of my eyes.

“Uhm, excuse me Mr. Cannon, you’re married. You’re a newlywed, there should be plenty of hot gossip!”

“I’m not Mr. Cannon,” I grumble. Luke and I never circled back to the last name conversation, and at this point I’m just assuming that it’s a non issue to him.

I won’t mention to him that I looked into the process and would be willing to change my name to fit in with him and the girls.

“Besides, isn’t newlywed gossip, I don’t know?

Completely fudging inappropriate for siblings to discuss? ”

“Ew, no Dean. I don’t want to hear about the sex stuff, you sicko. I’m talking about the love stuff. Have you and your fake husband realized that you’re madly in love yet?” Kira asks, and I lean in to shush her.

“Ix-nay on the ake-fay, Keeks,” I say, looking around to see if anyone is listening. The last thing we need is anyone sniffing around about mine and Luke’s intentions for our marriage. She holds up her hands in surrender.

“Fine, fine. I heard from the twins that you and Luke are—” she looks around conspiratorially, lowering her voice to a whisper. “Sleeping in the same bed.”

Fucking tattle-tale kids. A few nights ago, Lemmie and Mellie got spooked by something and didn’t want to sleep in their own room. They slept in our bed, nestled in between me and Luke. I guess they decided that that was interesting enough news to share with my sister.

“Of course we are,” I shrug, feigning nonchalance. “We’re married.”

“So does that mean you’re…enjoying your marital benefits?”

“Eww, Kira, stop.”

“What? I’m not asking for details. I’m just curious!” She throws her hands up in surrender.

“Why? Why in the world would you be curious about…that.” My nose scrunches up and I force a gag .

“I’m not curious about the specifics of your marital benefits, Dean.

I’m curious as to how long it will take for the two of you to realize that you’ve been in love with each other for years.

I’m also curious to see which one of you breaks first. I’ve got a bet going on with Warren that I really don’t want to lose. ”

Kira leans back in her chair, crossing her arms over her bump with a smug as hell look while I just sit there feeling…

Well. Flabbergasted.

“We’re not…I’m not…it’s not…” I stammer, trying to find the words to dispute my sister’s claim, because it’s false.

Sure, I’ve always thought Luke was attractive.

Sure, that attraction has grown in the weeks since we decided to get married.

Now that I know what his lips taste like and what his body feels like pressed against mine first thing in the morning.

And sure, Luke is my favorite person on the planet and I’d do anything for him.

He’s the first thing I think about when I wake up every day and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep at night.

But that doesn’t mean I’m in love with him. Luke is just…my husband.

My husband that I have an all-consuming, soul-obliterating crush on .

“Exactly. It’s been obvious for years. I’m honestly surprised you two didn’t get together last year when Luke was in recovery from his injury.

You were with him that whole time, doting on him like a loving partner and helping him get back on his feet.

I figured if the years of friendship weren’t enough to push you two together, surely the trauma-bonding would’ve done it. ”

“Kira, it’s not…” I start, taking a second to decide how exactly I want to proceed with this conversation.

I can’t lie to my sister, I can barely lie to myself.

But I can skirt around the truth. I lower my voice to a whisper.

“Luke and I have a set of rules for this arrangement. We’re not dating other people, and we’re not dating each other, either.

The kids have to be our number one priority. ”

Kira rolls her eyes so hard, I think for a second that they might get stuck like that.

“That is the thinnest excuse I’ve ever heard in my life. Adults with kids all over the world have relationships and…gasp…still manage to make their children a priority.”

“It’s so much more complicated than that, Kira.”

“Why? Seriously, tell me why. What do you have to lose? You and Luke are already as intimate as two people can be without getting it on.” She holds up her hand and starts ticking off her fingers with each point she makes.

“You’re best friends. You know everything about each other.

You’ve helped him shower when he was injured so I know you’ve seen his goods.

You’re already married and sharing a bed. What do you have to lose?”

“Everything, Keeks. Everything. I can’t…

I’ve tried before. I had to get really good at pretending I didn’t have feelings for Luke, and now there are kids involved.

You know how important it is that we win this custody case and make Luke’s parents go far, far away.

I can’t mess it up just because I…just because I can’t stop wondering what more might feel like. ”

My sister’s face softens, and the look on her face is somewhere between empathy and pity. Of course, she knows all about the way Luke unknowingly turned me down all those years ago, and how I’ve settled for his friendship over the years because a little bit of Luke Cannon is better than nothing.

“Dean. Let me give you a little tough love. You are not twenty-two years old anymore. The five of you are a family. You’re in it, you’re committed, and Luke is, too.

He’s been through a lot, but just because he’s the only one who doesn’t see that you two belong together doesn’t make it any less true.

You’ve got a long road ahead of you with this custody bullshit, and you’re going to need someone to lean on.

I’m just saying, it wouldn’t kill you to lean into some of nature’s stress relief with your hottie husband. You’re kid-free tonight, after all.”

“I appreciate you trying to help, Keeks. But it’s too damn risky.”

Kira reaches across the table and squeezes my hand.

“I can’t force you to listen to me. You spend so much of your life helping other people, trying to fix them, doing your best to hold others up.

But you have to realize…Luke Cannon isn’t the type of guy who’s going to break your heart, Dean.

In fact, he might just be the one to hold you up for a while, if you give him a chance. ”

I blow out a long breath, mulling it all over. I look over at Ollie, who has apple juice dribbling down her chin and the sweetest happy baby smile on her face.

Oh, to be a small baby with no thoughts in the world besides sleeping, pooping, and wondering when the big people are going to give you a piece of croissant.

My sister has a point. I really fucking hate when that happens.

But I’ve got a good thing going here with my insta-family. I don’t think I’m brave enough to take the risk and put my heart out there on the line. No matter how much I can’t seem to get my husband out of my mind.