Page 39 of Everything About You

“Because she thinks you posted that Instagram Story at the Louvre.”

Now he’s silent.

The tension between us becomes so thick I can’t swallow.

“You’ve got some nerve, Milo.”

“Well, look, you must have known there would be consequences when you took the blame. What did you think was gonna happen?”

“I’m not sure! I guess I was just thinking we had something more to us than the competition, and that we’d figure it all out

together. Now I’m just thinking I’m a fucking dolt. I should have known better.”

It stings, of course. The implication that I’ve betrayed him. It’s more than an implication, I guess, because I didn’t tell

Yvette when I had the chance.

“This is all we will ever be,” Rhodes says. He echoes Noel’s sentiments, and it causes a dull ache in my chest. “This could

never have worked.”

Suddenly, when faced with the realization of how quickly this is all devolving, I shake my head.

“Okay, look. I fucked up by not telling you about the resort show. I would have,” I say. I think I would have. I hope I would

have. “But there’s another option, and—”

“I don’t care about another option,” Rhodes spits. “You’re unbelievable.”

“But this way we could—”

He raises his hands. “Why are you saying ‘we’? There is no ‘we’ here. Honestly, we got on for five seconds in the grand scheme

of things.”

It’s like the wind is knocked out of me, the way he minimizes this thing between us. That can’t really be how he feels. I know he must feel something deeper than that. I know there is more to this.

“Don’t say that,” I try.

He shakes his head. “It is what it is. We’re only fooling ourselves otherwise.”

You don’t believe that.

“But I really think we can get past this,” I say. “You can work the resort show and have Paris, and I’ll be in New York. I’m

not sure about the long-distance thing, but I’m sure we could figure it out.”

Rhodes’s eyes bug. “New York? What are you on about now?”

“Sophie offered me a position in New York,” I say. “An apprenticeship. And I wasn’t going to take it at first, but I think

it could be good. And it could be good for us.”

“Something else you’ve kept from me,” Rhodes says. “Wow. No, I don’t see how that’d be any better for us. I really did like

you, Milo, but this is clearly just not going to work. Everything else aside, it isn’t realistic to have some long-distance

relationship based on text messaging and FaceTimes.”

He did like me. As in past tense.

I want to sink into the floor, slide away like a puddle.

My eyes are welling up, which is beyond embarrassing, and he looks incredibly pained as he stares at me. Seeing the hurt in

those gorgeous eyes—the ones I admired so many times—feels like a twisting knife.

Rhodes is right. I am Jekyll and Hyde. One minute I’m hot and one minute I’m cold and even I can’t predict it. All I know

right now is that I don’t want to lose him—don’t want to lose this before it even has a chance to get off the ground.

“Can we just have a real conversation about all this?” My voice is breaking. The feeling of weakness adds insult to injury. This vulnerability of being openly shattered is new to me, and it’s only making everything more confusing. “This is why I wanted to wait until after the shoot.”

“There’s not much left to say, is there? Or am I missing something?”

With a newfound desperation to save this, I begin to stutter. “There’s plenty to say. We can figure all of this out. We like

each other, and there’s something here between us. It’s something I’ve never felt before.”

Rhodes doesn’t look convinced. “Sometimes that isn’t enough, Milo.”

I’m not sure I realized the scope of my feelings for Rhodes, or the vast expanse they’d started to take up within me. Hearing

him say that—say all of this—is devastating. I guess I didn’t really expect to burn the whole thing down so quickly. We’re

standing on scorched earth now, razed to the ground at an impossible pace.

Rhodes drops his shoulders and rubs the back of his neck. “I forgot something at the office, I’m going to go back.”

“Don’t go. Not like this.”

He frowns and leaves.

It’s instinctive to follow him out into the hall of the studio. I run after him like a little kid running after his best friend,

ready to beg him not to go.

But he doesn’t stop just because I’m behind him. In fact, he takes the stairs down to the ground level, and when we’re on

the street, his eyes are misty as he looks up and down the road to figure out which way to walk.

“Rhodes, please. I get it, I fucked up. I fully own that. I wish I could take it back.”

“It’s not that simple,” he says. “I should have known when you tried to switch those boxes—it’s partially on me for not realizing

it then.”

“I shouldn’t have. I know that. It was the heat of the moment, and I was desperate to—”

“To get ahead,” Rhodes interjects. “Yeah, I know. You chose to get ahead, and you were going to do it again, even after we

talked things out. It’s who you are, Milo.”

Tears mark my cheeks now. “That isn’t true. I didn’t do the right thing, in a moment of weakness. In moments of weakness. I see that. But it’s not who I am. I’ve never been that person.”

“The funniest thing is that you fancy yourself the rat because then you’re a victim.”

I swallow. “What?”

“Right? The rat has to run from the big bad cat. But you’re not the victim here, Milo.”

“I never said I was a victim—”

“Here’s a better one for you, mate. Chat échaudé craint l’eau froide . ” He scoffs. “A scalded cat fears cold water.”

“But...”

“Proper shame.”

He shakes his head again and buries his hands in his pockets, turning to walk up the sidewalk away from me.

There’s nothing left for me to say or do right now.

I know that. My mind is blank, without a single coherent thought.

All I keep thinking is how I screwed this up and what it means I’ve lost. How I’m not going to see his bright blue eyes light up, because he’ll never be that happy to see me again.

How I’ll never feel him hug me or kiss me.

I take solace in a park for a moment, trying to get all my tears out. I feel so stupid for having such a strong emotional

reaction. I know we weren’t even together , but the way I felt with him was different. The way I thought we’d grow into something—that was different.

There’s this whole future Rhodes and I could have had, even as friends, that is just gone now, and somehow that has left me

with a grief I didn’t know I could even feel.

On top of this, I feel like a terrible person. All those things Noel said about Rhodes... were they actually true of me?

Was Rhodes even wrong about me?

I can’t stop crying like a blubbering fool, and I try my best to bury my knuckles in my eyes.

Paris has turned gray alongside me, and now I can’t imagine spending more time in this city where I started to see Rhodes

in everything so quickly. He’s going to be everywhere—in every café and museum and on every avenue—and it’s going to be unbearable.

The thought of escaping Paris for New York suddenly feels more appealing than ever.

I gather myself after a bit. I’m going to have to dust myself off, and then I’ll email Sophie and let her know I want to start

as soon as I possibly can. I don’t want to spend any more time here, faced with my failures and all these new aches and pains.

Once I do that, I’ll talk to Yvette and figure out how we can get the transition started.

As if I summoned her, Yvette’s name pops up on my phone.

I sniffle like a giant baby and pick up. “Hi.”

“Milo, this is unacceptable. I have been told you were responsible for over thirty thousand euros’ worth of accessories, which you left unattended.

This is absolutely outrageous. This is not the first issue we’ve had, and you have shown such poor judgment here, I am left with no other option but to terminate your apprenticeship, effective immediately. ”

“Wait, Yvette, I’m so sorry.” The melodrama of what actually transpired will mean nothing to her. If anything, it might make

things worse. I’m scrambling for some excuse or something to get me out of this, but before I can say anything, she’s clicking

her tongue against her teeth.

“We will leave a box of your things with reception. Your time with Maison Dauphine has come to an end.”

From: Sophie Rigby

To: Milo Hawthorne

Subject: Update re: New York Office Apprenticeship

Hi Milo,

I am so sorry to hear about your termination! Unfortunately, your employee profile has been marked Do Not Rehire due to the

nature of the cause for termination. Regrettably, this means we are unable to move forward with the apprenticeship as discussed.

Wishing you all my best,

xx Sophie

Sophie: Hi, I’m sorry for the formality of the email. Had to blind copy some team members. I’m SO sad to hear. I hope you’re doing

okay. Please don’t be a stranger and let me know if there’s anything I can do. If you ever need a letter of reco or anything...

I’m here. This is tough, and I know it isn’t easy.

Me: Thank you, Sophie, I appreciate it

Sophie: I really did try to get around the Do Not Rehire status. Just so you know

Sophie: It’s just a legal thing, I’m sorry

Me: No, I totally get it. Thank you again. It was really lovely working with you

Sophie: You too. If you’re ever in New York, I better hear from you. xx