Page 37 of Everything About You

“It sounds like you’ve got something to prove. I can’t see why you’d stick around to work one fashion show, with no guarantee of what happens next, when you could just go to New York and work your way up and then, likely, work more fashion shows in the future.”

This is a succinct way to knock me on my ass. A firm shift in perspective.

“So I should go to New York....”

“I think so,” Noel says. “Look, can I give you a little tough love?”

Bracing for impact, I draw in a breath. “Sounds like you’re going to.”

“You are going to lose yourself in this competition with Rhodes,” Noel says. “You haven’t even done anything wrong, really,

but you’ve already compromised your values. And you’re sitting here, feeling guilty about having a leg up on him with this

fashion show, when I know for a fact he wouldn’t give it a second thought if the roles were reversed.”

“No, that’s not him. You don’t know it for a fact.”

“Don’t I? He’s told you he intends to win, Milo. And I’m sorry to be harsh about it—I don’t want to hurt your feelings and

I know you two have something that feels exciting and romantic, but those sparks are very likely not enough to change things.

You said it yourself, and while it is a bit blown out of proportion, he’s the kind of guy who will annihilate you during tennis

when he’s supposed to be making it up to you.”

The sadness in my mind washes over my face involuntarily.

“I’m sorry,” Noel says, squeezing my shoulder. “But this is bigger than what you’re used to, Milo. The scale of this...”

I know what he means, of course. The biggest, most dramatic thing I’ve ever faced before was probably the state championship.

And even then, we knew we weren’t going to win, so it was really more of an exercise in controlling my perfectionism and temper.

Two of my teammates, Chip and Miguel, were more at peace with losing and pretty much acted as my therapists. Much like Noel is now.

“I do have feelings for him, though.” I hate to pout, but this feels like one of those conversations with my parents where

I already knew the answer wasn’t what I wanted to hear. “When we’re not focusing on Maison Dauphine, things are different.”

“Then maybe there’s a chance for you if you’re not competing,” he offers. “Maybe if you go to New York and he stays in Paris, you could

work out something long distance until you figure out the specifics. But I know guys like this. He’s going to choose to win

every time.”

“It’s tough for him. With his father. With Ollie. Think about how hard things can be with our dad. Can you imagine the shadows

they cast?”

Noel swallows hard, shuffling his feet a bit. “I can’t. But I think that only means it’s going to be harder for him.”

“Harder for him.?”

“To choose you. If it came down to it.”

I don’t know what to think, really.

“If I choose New York, I could lose him.”

“You could lose him either way, Milo. Honestly, how well do you even know him? Really? You know what he wants you to know at this point. That’s it. And I’ll try to stop the tough love here, but you’re eighteen. You can’t make these big life choices around him.”

“I’m not—”

“You are. A bit. And I think that’s normal to some extent, but you have to level yourself out. You have to remember how hard

you’ve worked and what you want to accomplish. You have to have some discipline here, even if it’s going to be tough.”

I groan. “You sound like Dad.”

“I hate when that happens.” He sighs. “But I need you to be realistic here. I know you want to show our parents you can make

it in fashion and all that. Do you think choosing to stay in Paris is really the right idea? You don’t even speak a lick of

French.”

“Je parle un peu francais.”

“ S’il te pla?t , sois sérieux , Milo.”

I sigh. “Why is it so hard for me to just commit to New York?”

“This is classic you, really,” Noel says. “You’ve set your mind to this, and it’s not easy for you to change course. I also

think deep down you want to win, and maybe you won’t admit it to me, but I do believe that. And I don’t think there’s anything

inherently bad about that, but maybe it will help you recognize the truth. Because you and Rhodes are going to fail if you

both have to succeed.”

“Jesus Christ, you sound like an old wizard delivering a prophecy.”

“Fuck off.” Noel laughs. “I’m sorry. I know tough love isn’t fun.”

I roll my eyes. “There’s a reason it’s called tough love. And I know you are just looking out for me.”

“Somebody has to, because you’re easily one of the most stubborn people I’ve ever met.

” Then his face softens. “And I know you’re disappointed Mom isn’t here.

I think part of this internal battle you’re having is related to that.

Maybe you feel like if you don’t make Paris work, you’re failing.

But surely you can see that getting a job at Maison Dauphine in New York is a huge accomplishment? Hardly a failure.”

My breath hitches. “You’re right. I guess Mom would still be really proud.”

Noel shakes his head. “That’s the thing, Milo. It’s not about her. I know it’s hard—but we can’t ever be happy if we’re trying

to do things for our parents. Once I figured that out, I swear, everything changed.”

I sigh.

“They may never get their priorities straight,” Noel says. “I hope they do, but we can’t spend our lives trying to make them.

You are a great kid—or man now, I guess.” We both laugh. “You have to know that. For your own sake. If someone doesn’t show up to your tennis matches,

or if they don’t surprise you in Paris, that doesn’t mean you’re worth any less.”

But now I smile. “Only someone did show up to my tennis matches. And surprise me in Paris.”

He blinks and inhales sharply. “Are you going to get emotional?”

“I won’t.” I chuckle. “But you’re right. Our parents are who they are. And as usual, I am really glad I have you as a brother.”

Noel nods. “I’m glad to have you as a brother too.”

After a beat: “So New York?”

“Obviously only you can decide what to do,” Noel says. “I’m just trying to give reasonable brotherly advice. I want you to be happy. But I want you to be happy in the long run. Not just for a few dates in Paris.” He winces. “I’m really not great with anything but tough love.”

“It’s okay, I know this about you.”

“Honestly, I think New York could suit you.”

I take a long, deep breath and grab one more macaron. It’s one I read about in Ladurée—the Marie-Antoinette, light blue with

a special black tea filling. It has notes of rose and honey and a very subtle tangy citrus. It’s delicious, and it reminds

me of Versailles and the Orangerie and everything in Paris. It reminds me of the blooms of the Tuileries and the citrus candles

in the Maison Dauphine beauty boutique. It reminds me of the loose-leaf tea I smelled with Noel and Celeste in the Louvre

gift shop. I’m suddenly aware of the magic in every cobblestone in this city now that it might be a bit too late.

I never even really had Paris, and I’m about to lose it already.

I never had Rhodes, either, and it seems I have to gamble that too.