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There were some nods all around. No one could deny that whatever good had been in Lawson had gone away that night. There was relief in relaxed shoulders and lifted chins.

“You want to forget him?” Natasha’s hands flew up into the air. “All he was? Reduce him to--to what he did in one mad moment? Then we would have to do the same for Ryder when he threatened to kill us!”

There was a sharp intake of breath. Demos was growling low in his throat and Siban had risen up on the balls of their feet to strike.

This… this is what I needed her to say, for all to hear, and then to rebut , Ryder thought.

“I’ve said what everyone is thinking!” Natasha looked wildly around. “Everyone said that we can’t judge Ryder for that mad moment in the Ring, but we’re supposed to judge Lawson for it instead?”

“It wasn’t just in the Ring, Natasha,” Irine said, which shocked Ryder.

Her shoulders were tense. Her hands played along her thigh as she tapped and twitched.

“I know you loved him. Maybe he was different with you as Demos said. But this thing in him has been growing for years, centuries, maybe more.”

“He was there for your turning! He approved of you joining us, Irine!” Natasha clutched the front of her dress. It was long and white, like funeral clothes with lace and pearls.

“I posed no threat to him,” Irine answered with a jerk of her shoulder.

Ryder was shocked that Irine understood her position in the pack and Lawson so very well.

“If I had, he would have chased me away or killed me,” Irine continued.

“That’s not true! As Weyrn, we must be careful who we admit!” Natasha cried, thumping her chest. “So we do not make the mistakes of the past!”

She gave Ryder a scathing look. He had created all of the “past mistakes” she was referring to.

“Irine’s right,” Harlan said with a deep sigh.

“I found two people in all the world that I knew would be strong, capable Weryn. Leaders. Changers. The future. One, Lawson convinced me not to turn. And, like a fool, I listened to him. The other… disappeared. I found only a drop of her blood, but nothing more.”

“You think he killed her?” Natasha asked, looking horrified.

“I told myself for years he didn’t. I convinced myself.

But when he spoke about Grayson tonight, I heard that same tone in his voice.

Just a hint of it was there when he spoke of my Emma, but it was there all right.

Took him crowing in that same way to cut through the bullshit I’d made myself believe,” Harlan answered.

He looked over at the crowd. “How many of the rest of you haven’t taken fledglings because of Lawson?

Whether he talked you out of it or they mysteriously went away? ”

Slowly, a few hands went up then more and more until there were over fifty.

Ryder felt his expression going grimmer and darker with every word.

How had this gone on under his nose and he’d not seen it or done anything about it?

And the arrogance to come to the school and act as if the Weryn had a better way of choosing fledglings!

“And how many of you simply didn’t take anyone because you feared what Lawson would do to them?” Harlan added.

Now every hand was up except for Natasha’s.

Natasha’s shoulders slumped. “Why did you never say that?”

“Why didn’t you ask?” Harlan threw back at her. “Why haven’t you taken anyone?”

“Lawson needed my full attention,” Natasha admitted with a shaky breath. “And he was better when I--when I was there.”

That was true. Ryder could have said that about himself as well. Lawson was better when people danced around him as if he were the sun and they were all focused upon him.

“But it wasn’t working so well anymore, was it?” Irine sighed. “As Ryder showed more forms and got more powerful, Lawson reminded me of a powder keg whose fuse was lit.”

“We were all waiting for the explosion,” Harlan agreed. He glanced quickly up at Ryder and then away. “We hoped that you’d survive it.”

“But you wouldn’t help Ryder survive. You wouldn’t fight with him or, hell, stand by his side!

” Demos’ voice went arctic. He surveyed them all with a shake of his head and scowl upon his handsome face.

“Y’all cringed and kept low hoping that Lawson wouldn’t notice you!

And you wonder why Weryn wanted to start fresh!

Gods above, you wouldn’t take fledglings because of Lawson--you even suspected that Lawson killed some--and yet you all sat in those damned stands and cheered Lawson on! ”

Natasha’s shoulders slumped and she fiddled with the edge of the pillow. Irine plucked more anxiously at her shirt. Harlan let out a long breath and ran a hand through his hair.

“Grayson put his damned life on the line for you all! He stood in front of Weryn and begged him to let you keep your Second Lives!” Demos continued.

Ryder felt a flush of anger run through him as he thought about that. They had heard and seen what Lawson had sworn to do to Grayson. They might not have known Grayson, but they knew him! And it had been obvious what Grayson had meant to him. But they’d still done nothing.

“A human! A very special human, but a human!” Demos cried. “Who you didn’t lift a finger for as Lawson threatened him! And you wouldn’t have helped him if Lawson had done what he threatened to do either! Admit it!”

Everyone’s eyes dropped. They all curled inwards.

It was true. And Ryder realized that part of the reason that he didn’t know what to say to them--part of the reason why anyways--wasn’t because he didn’t know how to inspire trust, but because he didn’t know if he wanted to.

And Demos saw it, as he always did. So clearly. So completely.

“He’s all worried about getting you to trust him!” Demos pointed back at Ryder. “But that’s not the problem! The problem is that none of you--not a damned one--are trustworthy!”

They all flinched. But not Ryder. Those words unlocked something in him. He didn’t trust them. He didn’t want them near. Because he didn’t trust them. He didn’t want to protect them. Because he didn’t trust them. Around and around it went.

“Why should he care about you when your first thoughts are to care only about yourselves?” Demos laughed bitterly.

“We talk about pack, but you’re not pack!

You’re just a group of people hoping that being in the middle of others will hide you from the wolf.

Well, the wolf is dead now and you can’t hide anymore. ”

Demos strode over to Natasha. He grabbed Lawson’s pillow and thrust it towards her. She had to take it. She held it awkwardly against her chest. She blinked up at Demos out of huge, wet eyes.

“How dare you sit like you’re some queen beside your dead king!

Daemon’s our only king and he’s very much alive!

Weryn’s our Immortal, and he’s standing right there!

” Demos’ hand shot towards Ryder again. “You want us to remember some good things about Lawson? The more we talk about him, the worse it gets. Now, you can try and scrape a bit of fond memories up or you can burn the past and be done with it! That’s what I’m doing. ”

Demos grabbed the pillow back from her and he tossed it into the bonfire.

The flames roared and gobbled up the fabric as if it were soaked in gasoline.

Ryder felt his chest ease as he saw it burn.

He remembered Lawson smiling and laughing as he lounged on it.

But the smiles and laughter had been hard edged.

Demos turned around and stalked away from the fire. He had his hands on his hips and was shaking his head. The feathers in his dreadlocks shook. Ryder stepped up to him. Demos had said things he couldn’t say. He had said them better and stronger and clearer than Ryder could have.

“Demos,” was all he said.

“I know I encouraged you to come down here. I know I don’t want to see you kill anyone.

But I just realized, listening to all of this, that I was wrong about at least one thing,” Demos said loud enough for all to hear.

“It’s not you who has to do the apologizing and making amends and creating trust, Ryder.

It’s them. You don’t have to do anything.

You owe them nothing. And if you don’t want them with you, neither do I. ”

Ryder slowly lifted his head to look over Demos’ shoulder.

Hadn’t he been doing with them what he had always done with Lawson?

Finding some middle ground that made no one happy and was not a way forward?

It just kept the uneasy status quo and nothing changed.

He’d carried the burden of them on his shoulders for years.

But that had earned him nothing. No loyalty. No friendship. No nothing.

They are not pack , Weryn articulated.

They are not pack, Ryder agreed.

“You’re right, Demos,” Ryder said.

Demos’ head shot up and there was both shock and awe in his expression, which he quickly tried to hide. “You--you agree with me?”

“I do,” Ryder answered with a sad smile. He gestured for Siban to come to them. They came to his side swiftly. “I should have been listening to you for a very long time about a great many things. I’m not going to make the same mistake again. You two are my family. You are my pack.”

“Right back at you, brother,” Demos said.

“Yes, we are pack and family,” Siban agreed.

Ryder reached over and put a hand on Siban’s shoulder while keeping one on Demos’. Demos extended a hand to Siban. They were all linked. They were together. He squeezed their shoulders and both smiled at him, with a little uncertainly.

“We need to go find out what Grayson and the others have found out from the Horys Vampire,” Ryder said, feeling secure and certain like he hadn’t in a long time.

Ashyr , Weryn murmured happily.

Yes, Ashyr, Ryder agreed. That is where we should spend our time and attention. With our pack and the one we love.

“Agreed,” Demos said. “I want to find out what’s going on.”

“Clearly, there is much I do not know,” Siban said with a lift of their eyebrows.

“We’ll fill you in on the way,” Ryder said.

As the three of them turned to leave, Natasha called out, “But what about us?”

Ryder slowly turned around to look at them again. “What about you?”

“Are you--are you going to kill us?” Irine asked.

“No,” Ryder answered, and then he was turning away as he said, “But I don’t have to save you either.”