Page 18

Hero Or Conqueror

R yder and Demos stood on the balcony and watched Grayson, Dani, Balthazar and Caemorn walking down the street to the interrogation of the unnamed Horys Vampire who had attacked them. Grayson looked back over his shoulder and waved. Ryder waved in return even as his heart twisted in his chest.

The thought of letting Grayson out of his sight made him want to vomit. The urge to jump down and run after the young man had him gripping the stone railing to stop himself. It crumbled a little under his hands and he quickly released it, dusting his palms off on his pants.

Ashyr… Ashyr… Ashyr… you’ve returned, Weryn whispered in his head.

Love mixed with grief mixed with undying desire pulsed through him.

Grayson’s eyes stayed on him for long moments--as if he sensed Weryn and Ryder’s need for him--until he had to turn back around as he was falling behind the others.

Balthazar called happily to him. Grayson jogged to catch up to them and Dani patted his shoulder.

Eyros used to be so arrogant, Weryn muttered.

Ryder considered ignoring this voice in his head. He was Weryn. Weryn was him. He was talking to himself. Balthazar had said he would be able to integrate his past memories into himself. But Weryn felt like a different person.

Eyros has changed. He’s Balthazar now, Ryder found himself answering.

That other is supposed to be Kaly, but where is the madness? Where is the jealousy? The hurt? He smiles at Eyros so it cannot be him. I would not let Kaly near my Ashyr, Weryn whispered.

Ryder wasn’t sure if Weryn was listening to him--to himself?--or simply talking to the void.

Caemorn and Balthazar are best friends. Caemorn is far from crazy. He’s quite sane. Completely together , Ryder pointed out. And I wouldn’t let Grayson go with them if I thought he was in danger.

Weryn did not respond to that.

Some of the tension eased in his shoulders when Weryn went silent.

Of all people, he seemed the most dangerous to Grayson.

He could feel Weryn within him like a dark shadow with burning eyes.

It was safer to have Grayson with others.

But he knew he wouldn’t be able to stay away from the young man for long.

Ashyr… Ashyr… Ashyr… you’ve returned , Weryn whispered again.

“So how do you feel being alone with me?” Ryder asked Demos, ignoring the voice in his head. He turned towards his Blood Brother and watched his reaction closely. Hope and fear warred for dominance. “Are you wishing the others were here? Or that you’d gone with them?”

Demos lifted an eyebrow. “You think you’re all that now, huh? All dangerous and unpredictable like a storm?”

“Well, I did throw Lawson across the room in his lion form like he was a little kitten,” Ryder pointed out.

He didn’t know if he should joke about that, even if Lawson had gotten what he’d earned in the end.

The taunts about eating Ryder--and, more importantly, hurting Grayson--had doomed him in Ryder’s eyes.

But he hadn’t just defeated Lawson. He’d annihilated him with frightening ease. Could one joke about that?

“You did at that.” Demos chuckled low and shook his head. “I always knew you were Weryn.”

“But you didn’t know Weryn was like that ,” Ryder muttered.

He most definitely hadn’t. He couldn’t imagine Weryn’s rage and coldness within himself.

But was that true? Wasn’t what he had done to Lawson exactly what he’d always dreamed of doing?

And then telling off those who had crouched in Lawson’s shadow and just been grateful that they weren’t the one getting his anger or annoyance?

“Legion and those other War Children didn’t come out of nowhere,” Demos answered with a shrug. “But I know who you are now and that tells me that nurture--more than nature--is what’s going on with Weryn.”

“I can hear him in my head,” Ryder confessed.

Demos studied him. “He is you, Ryder. He’s not a different person.”

“So I keep telling myself, but he feels like me reflected in a funhouse mirror.” He wrapped his arms around himself tightly. “How is this supposed to work? How do I integrate someone who feels alien and dangerous? Who I don’t even know if I want to integrate?”

Demos let out a slow breath and clapped his shoulder. “One day at a time. I need a drink before I go out and discover what’s in the minds of our brothers and sisters.”

Ryder followed him back into the main room. They sat at the table after he got another glass for Demos. Then they passed the blood and wine between them. They drank in silence for a time.

“Anyone who stays is crazy,” Ryder finally said.

“Where else are they going to go?” Demos responded.

“Anywhere but here.”

“A Vampire without their House, without their Bloodline, is in trouble. As strong as we are, we’re stronger together,” Demos pointed out.

That was the Weryn credo. The Weryn had bonded together after the War, eschewing old rivalries and instead making uneasy peace that became real peace after a time. Well, most of them. But there were those like Legion who had been simply too damaged to be a part of anything.

“So they’ll stay out of fear?” Ryder asked.

“They’ll stay because they know you. They’ve known you for over 400 years, Ryder. What happened in the Ring was brought on by Lawson’s insanity,” Demos said, swirling the wine and blood in his glass. “He was so out of control. He was sick.”

“I didn’t realize he was that bad. Daemon spoke to me when we found Grayson.

He put up a mirror in front of me and made me look--truly look--at what was going on,” Ryder said.

“We haven’t had a fledgling since Irine.

No one has dared bring anyone in. And we came to this school--all ready to protest that we knew better--when maybe we know nothing at all. ”

“You’re going to change that,” Demos said and there was conviction in his voice. “I stood in your corner, because I believe in you, Ryder. In you . Not some long gone Immortal. Just you.”

“Now they’re probably more afraid of me than they ever were of Lawson--”

“They’re damned fools if they are!” Demos thumped the table. He drew in a soothing breath. “I know why you said and did what you did.”

“I scared you. I scared myself.”

“Yeah, but sometimes a little fear is all right. They need to know you have the strength to uphold what you’re saying and to keep them safe,” Demos pointed out. “No one can doubt that now.”

Keep them safe? Weryn didn’t give a shit about keeping them safe. They were all potential enemies. They could not be trusted.

Ryder pinched the top of his nose. That action reminded him of Dani.

“Grayson is Ashyr, you know?” Ryder admitted. Saying the words was making it real. He let out a shaky breath then added, “And Ashyr and Weryn were… together .”

There was so much meaning behind that simple sentence. It felt leaden. Leaden with history. The dreams he’d had were not dreams. They were memories. And he thought that some memories had broken through to Grayson too.

Grayson is Ashyr and he doesn’t want to be a Vampire.

But that surely would go away once Grayson knew the truth.

“So you falling for that pretty face was not a coincidence?” Demos smiled at him. “It wasn’t love at first sight though. You already knew him and loved him.”

“Yeah, and he has no idea.” Ryder stared down into his wine. “He needs to know.”

“Yeah. They’re keeping him safe, but taking it slow. The poor kid’s been through the wringer in the past few days,” Demos admitted.

“His whole life actually. That story he told me in the Ring about why people stay with abusers… that’s from his own life, I think,” Ryder said.

“Yep. And while he was telling it, he was holding a whole room of Vampires in place. Can you imagine how strong he’ll be when he’s turned?” Demos let out a huff of laughter.

Ryder’s shoulders hunched and acid filled his mouth. “Who do you suppose will turn him?”

“Probably Dani. She’s the oldest Ashyr and he took to her like a duck to water,” Demos said, but there must have been a look on his face, because Demos asked, “Who do you think should?”

Ashyr… Ashyr… Ashyr… you’ve returned.

The glass of wine and blood shattered in Ryder’s hands. He hissed as the liquid poured everywhere. The glass didn’t cut him--though he would have healed in seconds if it had--but he was sticky.

Ryder got up and went into the bathroom.

He washed his hands in the sink. It was strange to have modern plumbing in the Ever Dark.

It couldn’t have originally been this way.

Vampires didn’t need toilets, though they did love their baths and showers.

But the bathrooms were just here when they’d arrived.

Pristine and lovely and completely anachronous.

Demos came to the door and asked, “Are you all right?”

“No.” Ryder flashed him a grim smile. “But I’ll live.” His head snapped towards the door to his quarters just as Demos’ did the same. “Siban.”

There was a single knock. Demos gave him a look that asked if he wanted them sent away, but Ryder shook his head. He had to start facing these people. There could not be a better place to start than Siban. They were his Childe, after all.

My Childe. Jesus...

“Come!” he called and dried his hands.

Ryder came out of the bathroom and went to get a fresh glass while Demos cleaned up the other one.

Demos’ gaze went to Siban and away, judging them, making sure that they were not going to be a threat.

But really after what he’d done to Lawson, no one was a threat.

The power was still there. He could unleash it.

I have to give Balthazar and the other Immortals credit for hiding how much stronger they are than normal Vampires, even old ones. It would freak everyone out if they knew.

“Do you want me to stay?” Demos asked him. “Or should I get on?”

“Go on. We’ll be fine,” Ryder said.