Page 161 of Eternal Light

There’s a tiny poke in his belly and a huff of air as Nix interrupts his mental gymnastics.

“I’m going with Luca and Lauren.” He leans around Grayson and turns the water off, handing him a towel and then retrieving one for himself. “I need your help holding Jamie back, andprobably Gideon.” He hesitates before shrugging. “Probably Finn and Rowan, too, come to think of it.”

“But not me?” Grayson blurts out.

Why Nix thinks Grayson is least likely to insist he tag along is a real mystery. It’s true that he has a meeting with Ignatius and Nimue about the supervised travel back to Nashville, as he’s an unlicensed apprentice and has to travel with a magical guardian.

Ignatius had agreed to accompany them and use the time to liaise with Nashville’s version of The Guild, to make the introductions. It made Grayson feel good that the older man had offered to continue his training here if Grayson didn’t jibe with the middle America teachings, and that The Guild would be honored to be entrusted with Grayson’s magical education.

Nix stops rubbing his hair with the towel, genuinely surprised. “You have your appointment with Leo at The Guild, right? That’s more important.”

“Angel,youare important. If you want me to go with you, I will. This pack is my priority.”

“Is there a reason you’re avoiding The Guild?” Nix asks tentatively.

Yes. The Guild reminds him of all the potential for destruction sitting squarely on his shoulders. “What? No, of course not. I just want to be with you if you’re doing something hard.” Grayson leaves his skeptical mate behind in the restroom, heading into the nest room to find something mostly clean.

“Why does that sound like you’re hiding something?” Nix asks.

Grayson finally digs up two black t-shirts and a pair of sweats; he tosses one to Nix and gets himself dressed.

“Gray?”

“Fine, fuck,” Grayson growls, his magic popping and fizzing in his chest and tingling in his fingertips, overflowing with hisfrustration and unfamiliar worry. He regrets it immediately, given that his issue isn’t about Nix at all.

But Nix isn’t put off or frightened by his outburst, thank the Goddess. Instead, he narrows his eyes and crosses his arms. He doesn’t say anything either, and Grayson is simultaneously chagrined that he’s in trouble and relieved he hasn’t scared his mate with his rude temper.

“Sorry, I’m such a shit today.”

Sighing, Nix flashes him an encouraging smile. “Look, I won’t press. I can feel that you are worked up about something, and if I can help, I want to. Is this about what happened with Withers? Did I freak you out?” he asks, looking unsure for the first time since he arrived in the shower.

Grayson hates that he’s the one who has made him doubt himself.

“No! You were magnificent.”

That is the only way to describe it. He’d been in awe to see him wield The Goddess’s power so effortlessly. Grayson had almost vibrated out of his skin to feel the source of his own power so close and flowing through their soul, a conduit for the massive flow of magic. It had called to him, pulling every atom of his being into the highest frequency.

It was an epiphany.

“If it’s not me, then why?”

He paces over to the window to locate the rest of his family back in the pool, except for Gideon and Finn, who are cuddled up on a lounger, reading from a book they must have found in the mansion’s extensive library.

Turning back, he finally throws himself on the edge of the raised platform that fills the whole width of the room. It’s the perfect nest room design, and Grayson spares a moment to imagine a similar family-style nest in their own home

“Sit with me?” he asks, holding out a hand.

When Nix joins him, he turns so he can curl a strand of Nix’s hair around his ear and run a fingertip over the new heart-shaped freckle on his cheek.

“I don’t know where to start that isn’t going to be a long, drawn-out story, or that won’t sound like I’m an idiot or ungrateful.” He stops, but Nix doesn’t jump in to fill the silence or try to placate him. Instead, he squeezes Grayson’s hand and waits.

“I will never be like Luca or Rowan,” he begins, and Nix’s eyebrows go up, becauseduh. “What I mean is that they go through life doing what they want, when they want. They follow their instincts because it’s who they are. Being Were is, for them, as natural as breathing, you know?”

“They’re the wolf, and the wolf is them, right? Or at least that’s what Ro told me. Luca too, once.”

“Right, it makes them happy, feels good, feels right. It’s who they are, and who they’re supposed to be,” Grayson says, thinking of all the ways his mates are content with themselves, especially since Rowan has been The Wolf. Grayson can see he’s more settled.

“But not with you.” It’s not a question.