Page 66 of Eternal Light (Fated in the Stars #5)

When Nix joins him, he turns so he can curl a strand of Nix’s hair around his ear and run a fingertip over the new heart-shaped freckle on his cheek.

“I don’t know where to start that isn’t going to be a long, drawn-out story, or that won’t sound like I’m an idiot or ungrateful.” He stops, but Nix doesn’t jump in to fill the silence or try to placate him. Instead, he squeezes Grayson’s hand and waits.

“I will never be like Luca or Rowan,” he begins, and Nix’s eyebrows go up, because duh . “What I mean is that they go through life doing what they want, when they want. They follow their instincts because it’s who they are. Being Were is, for them, as natural as breathing, you know?”

“They’re the wolf, and the wolf is them, right? Or at least that’s what Ro told me. Luca too, once.”

“Right, it makes them happy, feels good, feels right. It’s who they are, and who they’re supposed to be,” Grayson says, thinking of all the ways his mates are content with themselves, especially since Rowan has been The Wolf. Grayson can see he’s more settled.

“But not with you.” It’s not a question.

“No. Not with me. I’ve always held the Wolf at bay, and I’ve been thinking more about why and how that has shaped me, and I don’t think I have all the answers.

I’m learning to trust myself more, especially since you came back to me and since I’ve been able to access The Plain.

I’m feeling more myself. Does that make sense? ”

Nix nods but doesn’t interrupt.

“But it’s a lot. I’ll never be able to just give over to the Wolf, or let the magic rule who I am.

I’ll always hold back.” Disappointed tears are burning behind his eyes.

“I’ll never be able to be all I’m supposed to be.

Not like you.” Because it is too fucking dangerous goes unsaid, because Grayson couldn’t bear for real fear to replace the sincere empathy shining from his soulmate.

Nix’s eyes go wide, and his jaw drops in surprise for the second time since he got into the shower. “Grayson, that’s…”

“Sad? Terrible? Disappointing? I know. I’m sorry.”

“I was going to say crazy, but I’ll settle for wrong.

” He shakes his head but smiles gently. “You are exactly who you are supposed to be, and while I don’t know what it’s like to present so young, or be an enigma, or have to lead the new era of magical Weres into the future, I do know a bit about expectations and feeling like I might be a disappointment.

About wielding a power I’m just learning about. ”

“What? No. You’re doing so well. You’re perfect.”

Nix laughs, his eyes almost disappearing with his happy squint. “Thank you, but I’m not trying to be perfect because that’s impossible.” He raises an eyebrow, full of implications.

Was Grayson trying for an impossible standard? Has he set the bar so high for himself that he was always destined to fall short? And then moved the bar farther and farther every time he learned something new?

“How can I stop? It’s part of who I am.”

“Who says you have to stop?”

“What? Isn’t this pep talk about being better? Learning to let the Wolf out? About being free so I can be happy?” Grayson asks, as a new surge of frustration makes his words sharper than he’d like.

“I am all for you being happy, Gray. But why does letting it all hang out have to be what makes you happy? Wouldn’t it make sense to be you, and not measure your happiness in terms of what works for Luca or Rowan or me?”

That stops him cold. “What do you mean?”

“Well, seems to me you are happy, aren’t you?

Most of the time? Until you let all these expectations make you doubt yourself, you are happy.

Since you’ve let your magic feed your soul, you’ve been happier.

You control it and not the other way around.

Since you’ve given in a bit to being silly and sentimental and living out loud a bit more. You seem lighter.”

He has?

While he’s been paying attention to how the others have changed for the better, he’s missed how he has changed, too. He’s more relaxed when he lets himself—or as much as he’s able—to just be. When he gives himself permission to be less vigilant and to trust himself.

Remember that living a beautiful life is worth the risk. Give yourself permission to be all that you are, because your warrior’s heart is true.

It makes more sense now than it did when he’d first heard the words.

“From what you’ve said before, there will always be a delicate balance between what you want and what you allow yourself.

It’s who you are, and maybe that’s not all coping mechanisms on steroids, you know?

Maybe it is just you: Grayson Pearce, artist, magic-user, lover, soulmate, Dad.

All I want is for you to give yourself permission to be you. Whatever that is.”

Grayson can’t resist any longer. He pulls his soulmate under his arm, clutching him tightly, as if holding Nix closer will somehow make the relief more tangible.

The connection between them hums, alive with shared emotion, and the swell of The Plain surges in his chest, vibrant and wild.

The promise of freedom flows through him like a rushing tide.

Not the freedom to wreak havoc, to unleash unchecked power, but something infinitely greater. The freedom to fulfill his full potential. To finally, truly, be free.

“Whatever that is?” Grayson chokes out, his voice trembling with love and uncertainty.

Nix doesn’t hesitate; his voice is soft but sure. “Everything.”

The word settles deep in Grayson’s chest, resonating like a bell struck in the quiet. Everything. A promise. A challenge. A truth.

And for the first time, Grayson feels like maybe, just maybe, it’s within his reach.

Luca

If you’d told Luca two days ago that he would be Nix’s first choice to accompany him and Lauren Arnell Costas to meet Winnie and Ansel for a trip to a storage shed filled with pieces of Nix’s old life, he would’ve laughed out loud before bolting to hide.

Because this? This was going to be fucking hard. And while Luca has faced plenty of hard shit, he’s never been the first person people turn to when they need strength.

At least, he hadn’t been in the past. He knows he’s babied more than Rowan, their actual baby, as his mates help him navigate his ultimate nemesis: Anxiety.

Sure, each of them has reaffirmed, time and again, that they like helping him cope, that they love anticipating his triggers and supporting him. But sometimes, even with all their reassurances, Luca can’t help but feel like he’s a burden.

Until Nix had woken from his coma, reached for Luca, and whispered: Mine.

Grayson and Gideon might be their soulmates, but Nix and Luca? They’re twin souls. Yin and yang. Peanut butter and jelly. Like Ryan Reynolds and Hugh Jackman—only more American-American and way less Canadian-Australian.

They’d been born at the same moment, under the same moon, in different states.

Sounds crazy, but Gray had said the astrology people confirmed what Luca already knew deep in his soul: Nix was his .

To care for, to love, to protect…and other amazing things (read: sexy times) that made life infinitely better.

Even the Goddess had agreed. Their words echoed in his mind still: Luca, you know who you are, and you are exactly who you were meant to be.

Was he shocked to hear Their voice in his head? Not really. Nix had just decimated the villain haunting them with the tip of a pointy finger. After that, what’s a little divine intervention? Did he understand what They meant when they said all that? Not really—though he certainly hopes it’s true.

But he is shocked to find himself sitting on the front stoop of the big-ass mansion, waiting for Lauren to pick them up.

“They’re watching us, right?” Nix murmurs, resting his head on Luca’s shoulder.

“Yup. Gideon and Jay are in the garage—no, don’t look! They’ll think it’s an invitation. Leo has Rowan-wolf in the office. Pretty sure the owner of this place is going to lose their mind, because every few seconds, he’s got his paws up on the window ledge.”

Nix laughs, covering his wide smile with his hand. “And Gray and Finn?”

Above them, a door clicks shut, followed by the sound of hurried footsteps.

If Luca had to guess, the two alphas in question didn’t want to be caught peering down at them from the balcony.

Not that it stopped them. Judging by the shifting curtain in the library, they were simply retreating to another vantage point.

“Library, I think.”

Nix sighs, sitting up and turning with uncanny precision to make pointed eye contact with their lurking mates. Luca didn’t miss the squeaky yelp from the garage—definitely not his grumpy soulmate or their pack leader.

“Why are they like this?” Nix mutters, turning back to Luca. Then, louder: “Have we learned nothing?!”

A series of shuffling feet and grumbled protests answered him.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Gideon’s voice rings out, indignant. “You’re not the boss of me!”

Jay emerges from the garage, his arms wrapped firmly around Gideon’s hips, hoisting him back toward the house. “Quiet, love,” he says, smiling sheepishly. “Be good, you two. Call me.”

Luca blows them a sassy kiss, grinning as Jay pulls Gideon inside. It feels pretty damn good to be the one everyone is jealous of, for once. “They’re just surprised you picked me,” he blurts out before he can think better of it.

Nix frowns, tilting his head. “What? You’re the perfect choice. Who else would I pick?”

“Well, the list is sort of long. You know. Taller, bigger, more alpha-y. Less…squirrelly and anxious.” The words sting, but he needs to say them.

Nix laughs softly, then grows serious, gripping Luca’s hand.

“And less alpha-y is exactly what this trip needs. I love them all, but come on—imagine taking any of them into a storage unit filled with my old life. I’d come out to bulging muscles and sad faces, or worse, threats of violence for the photos that made me cry. ”