Page 23 of Eternal Light (Fated in the Stars #5)

With Every Trust Rebuilt (Jay)

Even though there is an excruciating pain in his right shoulder and a dull throb in his heart, neither of those would be enough to wake him fully under normal circumstances. He’d grown used to the latter over a decade, and the former…well, he knew what that was, too.

No, it’s the familiar steps pounding down the hall that alert him that he’s still alive, because he can tell those footsteps belong to his agitated mates.

They’re recognizable as Leo’s heavier, angrier tread and Grayson’s lighter, uncertain stride.

He knows the sound of each footstep, of each mate, and yes, he also recognizes how obsessive that is.

He can’t help that he’s devoted. He wouldn’t want to.

The door cracks open slowly, despite the urgency of those steps, and Leo’s head pokes around the edge of the door, followed by Grayson’s on top, like a two-man statue.

“He’s awake,” Leo calls, as if he is announcing to a crowd that has gathered behind him, before he enters only to stand just inside, arms crossed. There is an unmistakable aura of sadness, anger, and relief emanating off his cinnamon-toasty-scented mate. And, well, Jay can’t blame him.

He fucked up.

He had underestimated Carnell’s desire to remove him from the playing field entirely. He can’t remember anything past his father’s vitriolic words about Nix, about him.

The decay Jay had always thought lay under the surface had suddenly been reflected on the outside where everyone could see.

Those missing moments seem important, and before he makes his abject apologies and begs for forgiveness, he needs to get his hands on all of his mates and for someone to fill in the blanks.

Grayson pushes Leo out of the way like he can read Jay’s mind, tossing off his shoes so he can gingerly climb onto the wide hospital bed.

Even the jiggling of the mattress sends sparks of pain in all directions.

He flexes the fingers of his right hand and is grateful he can still move them.

Nerve damage to his dominant hand would mean disaster to Jay’s ability to make music.

He lifts his left arm, and his very pale mate slips gently into his side.

“You okay, Pretty?” he whispers and presses his nose into the top of Grayson’s head.

There’s a pointy nose stuck in his neck and then a set of sharp enigma teeth gently reclaiming him.

“Better.” Grayson slides his soft hand over Jay’s belly, and then he relaxes into him. “You scared us.”

The patchouli scent grows more potent with the words, and Jay feels a slight breeze ruffle his hair.

“You fucking died, you jerk,” Leo growls, and Jay would think it was pure anger if Leo wasn’t also crying. He’s still standing inside the door, but he’s a little closer than before.

He’d died? More of the afternoon comes back at that, the parts beyond his father’s vitriol. The kids, meeting Melody and their fans. He remembers how good he felt to see Gideon shyly happy, sharing his love for cooking with Zed…no, Zef.

It had been a shining light in a few weeks of stress. There’s a sudden surge of fear when he looks around for Gideon, and he’s not there. He hadn’t slipped into the room unnoticed, as he so often does.

“Where’s Gideon?” Jay asks, and then starts coughing, his throat so dry and sore.

Gideon pushes past Leo, who is still standing near the door.

“You were intubated. You can’t go around shouting.” He offers Jay a small paper cup of water from the jug beside the bed. “I’m right here. There’s no need to go around yelling like a fishwife,” Gideon gripes without heat.

He looks terrible: haggard, gray, red-eyed, and his lips are cracked like he’s bitten them raw with worry.

“You’re a fishwife,” Jay rasps, after he gulps the water and holds the cup out for more.

It makes Grayson snort into his neck, teeth still nibbling the skin. It makes him feel better, the pain in his shoulder lessening a little at the sound. “You okay, love?”

“You’re asking about us?” Leo asks. “You. Fucking. Died,” he repeats. Leo is close enough to poke Jay in the chest now.

Leo’s voice breaks. “Three times.”

“Leo, go easy,” Gideon frowns.

He’d died and been brought back, so it hadn’t stuck, thank the Goddess.

“No. You know what? I told this jerkface,” Leo starts.

“That’s enough for now,” Gideon breaks in and cuts off what is sure to be a well-earned tirade.

“How long have I been out?”

“Out?! You died,” Leo growls again. “And I told that jerkface that we are done doing this shit alone. I can’t do—I can’t have you—I need you fucking alive.

So from now on, we go with Leo’s plans. Got it?

” He pokes the good side of Jay’s chest again and gets a hand squeeze from Grayson for his trouble.

“Yeah, okay.”

“No! Don’t argue with—wha? Okay?”

When Jay tries to shrug, he gets a stabbing pain in his shoulder for his trouble. “You were right. We underestimated him, and now look at me. This could have been Gid or any of you. We were too cocky.”

“Fucking right you were. Do you hear that, Gideon Carnell? He made me the boss.”

Jay chuckles, and Grayson smiles against his neck.

Gideon still looks haunted.

He frowns. “Gid?”

Rubbing a hand through his hair, Gideon shrugs. “Yeah, Gideon’s plans are stupid and dangerous, and he underestimated his father yet again,” he says quietly. “I’m—I’m sorry, Alpha.”

It’s not the snarky response he’d been expecting.

Jay reaches out a hand. “Hey, come on. It’s not on you.”

That seems to be the last straw for Gideon.

“How can you say that? I feel like I am repeating myself over and over. This is my fault. For fucking real, in a horrifically practical and literal way. My. FAULT. You were shot by a high-powered sniper from the top of the radio station. If James Senior hadn’t pushed you, you would be dead.

A hole the size of my hand would have taken your heart out, and I would have had more than just your blood on my hands.

Of course it’s my fucking fault, Jay,” he gasps out, and it’s followed by a heart-wrenching sob.

The pain in Jay’s heart surges, and Grayson groans quietly, the scent of patchouli growing before it settles again.

He climbs carefully off the bed and gives Gideon a small push, and then a harder one so Gideon will at least sit on that side of the bed, hoping he’ll accept even the smallest of comforts from their alpha.

When his ass hits the bed, it’s with his back to Jay and to the room. If he didn’t know what to look for, he’d miss the shaking shoulders and the raw petrichor oozing in remorseful waves.

From the corner of his eye, Jay sees Leo grab a chair from across the room so he can sit and pull Grayson down on his lap.

“Love.” Jay runs his good hand up Gideon’s back and into his hair, sitting up so he can press the good side of his chest into Gideon’s side. “I’m here, and you’re here, and…it’s alright.”

There’s a cynical laugh.

“It’s pure fucking luck. I—I—I can still feel your blood on my hands. If Melody hadn’t been there, you would have bled out all over the parking lot every time I used my hands to keep your heart pumping. Goddess. I can’t get it out of my mind. You died and…you said my name like you meant goodbye.”

Gideon begins to cry in earnest as Jay tips him backwards. He’s surprised his arm doesn’t hurt as much as he expects it to when he lifts it to hold his mate close, disregarding Finn’s indignant squeak from the open door.

“Jay! Come on. You’re going to open those stitches and undo all the work they did on those muscles and nerves.”

Jay can see his frazzled mate holding a tablet in one hand and pushing his glasses up his nose with the other. His hair is sticking up all over, and there’s a suspiciously damp spot on his shoulder.

Gideon jumps up and wipes his face with the back of his hand.

“Gid.”

“No, I’m done. Just…don’t do it again. Please.”

Jay smiles when their eyes meet. “Yeah, okay.”

He puts all his love and pride into his gaze, and he must succeed a little because Gideon’s pale cheeks go pink before they fade away. It’d be enough for Rowan to comment and make a joke to lighten the mood if he’d been here.

Jay can’t believe he hasn’t realized it before now, but where are the rest of his mates?

Are they in the hall?

Were hospitals don’t usually limit pack attendance at the bedside outside of the ICU, and he can’t smell them.

Where are they , he asks himself again, a tiny smidge of worry tickling in his belly and making it swoop. So he asks, out loud this time, “Where are the others?”

“We don’t know,” Grayson groans before he runs into the bathroom and slams the door.

“What do you mean? They’re at the apartment, right?”

Leo shakes his head. “We can see Nix and Luc are somewhere in Island Estates. They moved recently to a new place about thirty minutes ago. They’re physically well, according to the biometrics.”

Jay holds a hand out for Finn, who climbs into the bed with him and begins rubbing his nose and wrists against Jay’s throat, chest, and up over his abdomen, adding his tart berry scent to Grayson’s contributions.

“The babies are good, they’re good, we just don’t know exactly where they are or who has them.”

Jay’s stomach drops and impotent rage courses along his spine. He sure as fuck hopes they’re okay, or he’ll raze his hometown to the ground to find the culprits.

The bathroom door opens, and Grayson exits, hair damp from splashing water over it. While Jay watches, it dries in an invisible breeze. It’s right out of the movies and so strange to see firsthand.

“We wanted to be sure you…uh…” Grayson says.

“What he’s not saying is that we wanted to make sure you lived,” Leo gripes under his breath and shucks his shoes so he can put his toes on the side of the bed.

Jay hasn’t received any physical affection from his beta yet, but Jay understands it’s Leo’s way of getting over his anger first.

“At least they’re together, but we have to get them back now. Before Rowan or Luca does something crazy.”

The silence in the room is deafening.

Finn kisses Jay’s cheek and slips off the bed, making room for pale, shaken Grayson to take his spot again. His BBS must be terrible if Nix is far away, and probably has been for what is going on for several hours.

“That’s the thing…Rowan isn’t with them. We don’t know why, but he’s on his way here. It’s taking him forever. He’s not hurt—which was my first thought…” Finn holds up the phone; he can see Rowan’s magenta-colored dot, and it’s only a few blocks away.

“Just to add insult to injury, I’m concerned for Gray’s and Luc’s BBS.”

“How long until it’s life-threatening for either of them?” Jay asks. It’s another way Jay hasn’t anticipated his family to be in danger.

Finn checks the phone again, toggling between what must be Grayson’s and Luca’s biometrics. He’s hesitating, and Grayson whimpers.

Not long, then. Shit.

“Well, historically, Luca has more time under his–”

“Give it to us straight, Finn,” Leo sighs. “We can’t deal with what we don’t know.”

“You’re right. Sorry. I just don’t want to add–”

“To an already tough time. We get it. It’s not on you to filter this stuff, okay?” Leo responds with a pat to his mate’s leg.

“Yes. Okay. I’d guess Grayson will need to be admitted in five or six hours. But the time between now and then is going to be miserable if we don’t sedate.”

“And Luca?” Gideon asks, hands clenched at his sides.

“Maybe until tomorrow morning, given experience.”

Gideon clenches his jaw, giving Finn a short nod. “That puts us even more under the gu–”

Jay stops as Leo narrows his eyes at his almost choice of words. Changing tactics, he runs a hand around the back of his neck. “What is Rowan doing?”

No sooner had the words left his mouth than the phone rings.

Finn scrambles to answer, “It’s Ro. Finally. What is taking you so long?”