Page 34

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Olivia

My skin is lit up like an orange Christmas tree when I sit in the center of the buildings Rannek built. I hadn’t noticed the lovely benches before and it’s soothing to run my fingers over the carvings of odd, alien animals on the sides of them.

It’s almost too much to take in at once, so I focus on the details.

I glance over to the big, shy purple furred male, who is still actively whittling away at a bench across from me, using a combination of sharp rock and claws.

I just meant to take a walk down the shore, but the artistry drew me in. When I glance down, I see a long, thin piece of shale in the dirt and drop to the ground, inspired to draw another tā moko .

I get lost in the process for a while, thrilled with how fun this is with two right hands, and as I finish up I realize that Ree is seated on the bench behind me.

“Oh… hi. Uh, have you been there long?” I ask, feeling self-conscious.

“Yes, but don’t worry,” she says in a light tone. “That’s beautiful. Is it tribal? Oh, right. You’re from New Zealand, aren’t you? Māori?”

“That’s right,” I say, still keeping my eyes downcast, embarrassed for someone to see my art. “I am… uh, half that. Māori, I mean.”

It’s the first time I’ve told a human and it feels good to claim it.

“Olivia…” Ree says, trailing off and then speaking again. “Not to sound rude, but are you autistic?”

My eyebrows furrow, memories of a string of psychologists surfacing. “No. I’m too empathetic to be autistic.”

“Are you? Did someone tell you that?” she asks gently.

“Yes, an expert,” I reply, confused.

“I rather doubt they were an expert, Olivia,” she says. “Most likely they were narrow-minded and only knew what autism looked like in men.”

“No, you don’t understand,” I argue. “I’m just… angry… violent. I was a terrible—”

She cuts me off. “Stop for a moment, please. When did you get angry?”

Kira and Rin walk into the clearing right as she asks and I freeze up when I see others moving toward us, but then make myself let it go.

I’m sick of pretending.

“I get angry when people touch me. Sometimes I hurt people,” I say, feeling miserable to admit it. “I kept getting moved from one boarding school to the next, each time getting expelled for fighting.”

“I see,” Ree says. “And are sounds too loud and lights too bright sometimes?”

“Yes…” I trail off.

“What happens, besides sometimes being violent, when you get overwhelmed?” she asks.

I swallow hard. “Sometimes I shut down… I mean… I just can’t stay awake because it all just feels like too much.”

Ree nods. “You said you’re empathetic. How do you know how people feel?” she asks.

“Well, not always with their faces, that’s confusing a lot of the time, but from their voices. From context and knowing how it would make me feel. See? Not autism.”

“That is autism, Olivia,” Ree says gently as more people take up seats around us. “Sometimes it isn’t that someone can’t recognize emotion or empathize. In fact, for some people they empathize so much it is painful for them.”

What? I blink, what she’s telling me suddenly resonating.

"But… I thought we had healing nanites. Why don’t they fix my broken brain, then?" I say, reeling.

"Because it's not broken, Liv. Just different. Just like all of their…" Ree pauses to gesture around at all of the hulking aliens around us. "… brains aren't broken."

"I think a case can be made for Drasuk," Kira breaks in dryly.

"Shut up, Kira,” Ree says, but not unkindly. “Look at them. Their brains are just like they should be. Just like yours is how it should be."

"Am I an alien now, though?" I ask, still catching up.

"Well, we all pretty much are at this point,” Rin says, laughing.

“But you aren’t like me,” I insist, “and it’s just getting worse since I met Kroaicho. Now I also want to hoard things, even though I know it's stupid and I just… I…”

“What?” Kira asks softly. “You what?”

“I know you’ll get sick of me. Everyone does,” I admit, voice breaking.

Ree lets out a long breath fists clenching, but Kira laughs. “Livie, my green, green girl. Have you met Drasuk? Have you met Wroahk? We love those idiots and you are a cute little ball of fluff in comparison.”

Ree chuckles, no longer tense now. "Listen to me, Olivia. I doubt we are going to be able to leave this planet, which means we are making a new world. Right now. With every choice we make. A new culture. We won't have a neurotypical world you have to bend yourself into a pretzel to fit into. It’s going to be full of aliens, which includes us, by the way. Just be you."

“It isn’t normal,” I mutter, still unconvinced. “The rage.”

“That’s the wrong way to think about it,” Eli’s voice calls out.

It takes me a moment to realize that she’s in a wooden tub that I thought was the start to some new project and hadn’t looked inside of. When did she get there?

I don’t figure it out before she starts speaking again. “Instead of asking yourself why you get upset when people touch you, the better question is why are people touching you without permission? That’s what isn’t normal.”

Rin winces. “I did that. I’m sorry, Liv.”

“No, it’s really okay, like I said,” I reassure her. “You didn’t know and you were terrified. I can control the anger when I need to.”

“Of course you can,” Kira says, pride in her voice. “You are really fucking strong. Mentally, emotionally, and physically. You are a great fucking ally.”

“Community member!” Eli calls out.

“Friend,” Rin adds with a smile.

“The greatest treasure of the hoard,” Kroaicho chitters from behind me in zha’s native tongue.

I whirl, skin moving from blue back to orange. I grin and Kroaicho’s skin lights up orange too.

“Fuck,” Kira quips. “Who needs night vision with these two around?”

Everyone laughs, me with them. Kroaicho settles down in the cleared space behind one of the benches, which I just now notice each bench has behind it. Plenty of space to fit all of the big beasts. There’s even a two-tiered bench that has Kuret on the higher part and Rin on the lower so they can both sit comfortably.

I blink, finally getting what Ree is trying to say. Rannek has been busy, paying close, quiet attention to everyone around him, steadily making everything as perfect for each of them as he possibly can. As fast as he can.

After dusting my hands off, careful to not cut myself with my wrist claws, I move to the bench in front of Kroaicho. Zha puts zha’s arms around me and squeezes me just the right amount.

I brace myself for someone to point out that it doesn’t make sense that I let Kroaicho touch me, but no one even looks our way, wrapped up in getting settled and making fun of each other.

I look down and notice that my clawed feet are perfectly level with the ground. This bench was made for me, I realize… and I just met Rannek. We barely even spoke.

Tears are swimming in my eyes as the stories start up.

“You should have seen his fucking face,” Kira barks out. “He kept saying pet like it was some sort of insult and then I fucking stabbed him.”

Drasuk lets out a rock grinding sound of rage. “That is not how it happened!”

“I like this story, Kira,” Kroaicho breaks in. “It matches Drasuk quite well. Zha is the perfect conceited treasure.”

“See, even glow bug sees it, you big blue lump,” Kira says as she punches the grumbling drakonid on his shoulder, then hisses.

“And Kira is the best treasure at insults,” Kroaicho adds and Kira puffs out her chest and wiggles her bone-crowned head.

“Fuck yes, glow bug,” she says pumping a fist in the air.

“What kind of treasure am I?” Eli asks, water splashing out of the tub in her excitement.

“You are a glittering orange glow,” Kroaicho responds.

Eli sinks down in the water, making a sound of confusion.

“Zha means you are cheerful, like the orange glow of our skin. A treasure of joy,” I translate.

“Oh, I like that,” she says, back to grinning. “I do try.”

A flash of purple from the corner of my eye catches my attention and I glance over in time to see Rannek place a small wooden sculpture on the bench beside me.

“For you, Kroaicho,” the purple male whispers.

Kroaicho looks down at it, then carefully extends a middle limb to gently take hold of it. “You made this treasure? It is beautiful. Olivia spoke of art and you are clearly well versed.”

Kroaicho speaks louder. “Rannek is the treasure of thoughtfulness,” zha announces.

The soft-spoken purple male’s fur puffs up so much he looks nearly double his already formidable size.

“Th-thank you,” Rannek stutters, then hastily walks off into the woods.

“Aww,” Eli says. “He is so adorable.”

“Tell that to Wroahk already,” Kira grumbles.

Eli snorts. “Wroahk stopped insulting him, Kira. I don’t know what happened since they’ve been working on the Many Teeth protections, but they must basically be best buddies now if Wroahk isn’t complaining about Rannek being a pacifist.”

“I see your point,” Kira says with a laugh. “Tell us what kind of treasure Wroahk is, Kroaicho.”

“I don’t know yet,” Kroaicho says in a serious tone. “I must spend more time assessing before I can tell how zha fits in the hoard.”

Ree snickers. “Don’t we all…”

“What about the argila?” Rin asks, pointing to where the three beasts are sprawled out behind her and Kuret.

And so the rounds of treasure identification continue. Then more jokes. So many of them after that are at Drasuk’s expense that soon the tears in my eyes are from laughing, not just from the wonder of feeling a part of something special.

All the while, Kroaicho and I provide plenty of beautiful muted orange glow to make up for the lack of campfire.