Page 32

32

Olivia

My mind is too tired to be overwhelmed, but Ree sent us to rest anyway before turning back to orchestrate the efficient movement of items into the beautiful little huts that a large, furry alien named Rannek apparently built while the rest of the group were away.

I don’t know how he could have built even one of them in that amount of time, but there are three. I try to not think about it, my head already aching.

“We’ll meet here at dark to have a campfire-free story time,” Ree calls back to us.

I smile when I see how that makes Kroaicho light up bright orange, but just wave back in response.

The wind stirs softly as Kroaicho and I walk back toward our new cave. My legs are heavy, and the silence between us feels louder than even Wroahk’s howling complaints that started back up as soon as we hit the lake water.

Kroaicho walks a few steps ahead, zha’s two upper limbs tucked in tight, the blue of zha’s glow faint but present. I glance sideways at zha every now and then, studying the subtle shifts in zha’s skin, the colors flickering.

It's strange how quickly I've grown used to this—used to zha. If you had asked when I first crash-landed here, I never would've imagined being this close to an alien down to so much as physiology. But now, here I am, trudging beside Kroaicho, trusting zha far more than I trust this planet.

Still, I know where this is headed now that there is another cave. I can't stay cooped up forever. I can't sit still while my friends are out risking themselves looking for the others.

"Kroaicho," I say, trying to keep my tone light, though I know where this conversation is headed. "I was thinking… maybe we could—"

"No," Kroaicho cuts me off before I can even finish. The blue glow darkens slightly, a sign of irritation. Zha doesn't stop walking, though, and neither do I.

I sigh, letting the frustration wash over me. "You don't even know what I was going to say."

"I do. You want me to take you out into the forest. To look for others." Zha’s voice is as steady as ever, but I can hear the underlying edge in it now. That same edge that comes every time I bring this up. "It's not safe."

"You keep saying that, but we can't just hide forever! I can't—" I stumble over the rocks as I quicken my pace to catch up to zha, brushing dirt off my knees as I continue. "I can't stay there, Kroaicho. I'm not like you."

Zha’s spikes twitch, and I can see the faintest shift of purple in zha’s blue glow. The color of frustration. At least I think it is—after all this time, I'm starting to understand Kroaicho's colors, but I'm still not entirely sure what every flicker means.

"I will search for the rest of the hoard," zha says finally, slowing zha’s pace.

My heart skips a beat, annoyed we are still talking about trinkets. “I’m not talking about bits of metal, Kroaicho, I—”

“I’m not either.” Kroaicho stops then, turning toward me, zha’s tall frame towering over me, spikes and all. Zha’s skin flickers again, the faint purple still there, but something else—something softer—pushes through. Orange, then red.

“We are two now, but I see now that we also have a hoard,” zha starts.

“I don’t want a—”

Zha interrupts me again. “No, listen. A living hoard. Of beings, not rocks.”

My eyebrows lift. “That’s… a huge shift for you, Kroaicho,” I mutter, mind still catching up.

"Yes." Kroaicho's spikes twitch again, and a new color, yellow, begins to bloom across zha’s skin. At first, I can't place it. It's brighter than anything I've seen on Kroaicho before, like zha is glowing from within.

I stare, fascinated. "What's… what's that color mean?"

Kroaicho tilts zha’s head slightly, regarding me with those ever-watching eyes. "This is pride. I made a good decision and I am proud of it."

Pride. The realization makes me smile, and before I can stop myself, I reach out, letting my fingers hover just above zha’s skin. He looks down at my hand, and I pull mine back, not willing to touch when I don’t allow the same.

"That means a lot to me, Kroaicho,” I whisper.

The yellow deepens, spreading slowly across zha’s limbs. Kroaicho's eyes shift back to me, a flicker of orange flashing across zha’s chest for the briefest second.

Without thinking, I blurt out, "Can I… touch you?"

I cringe, annoyed with myself, and waiting for zha to point out that I don’t allow the same.

The question hangs in the air between us, and for a moment, Kroaicho doesn't respond. Zha’s spikes twitch again, and I see the blue of confusion flash briefly before fading away. Finally, zha speaks.

"Yes."

I take a hesitant step forward, my hand trembling slightly as I reach out to press my palm gently against zha’s arm.

Kroaicho has held me tight, but I always turned my palms in, so I never really knew…

Zha’s skin is warm—softer than I expected, with a faint hum of energy beneath the surface. I can feel the rhythm of zha’s pulse, steady and strong.

Kroaicho watches me, zha’s eyes narrowing slightly as if it's studying my reaction. I run my fingers along the edge of one of zha’s spikes, marveling at how smooth zha is. There's a gentleness here, hidden beneath all the sharpness.

I pull my hand back, curiosity satisfied, but suddenly self-conscious of how unfair it is that mixed in with the good feelings is my mind wanting to pull away from the contact.

And then, out of nowhere, my own body reacts, lighting green, making me realize I haven’t been hounded by the arousal since zha used expellant on me.

I feel a surge of warmth flood through me, and I look down to see my skin glowing bright skin. This must be natural, then, and it catches me by surprise.

"You are green, Olivia,” Kroaicho says, zha’s voice betraying zha’s own surprise.

But when I look up, I see the answering green thrumming along all of zha’s limbs and segments.

Without another word, we turn and head toward the cave again, the green light still flickering softly across both of our bodies.

As we enter, zha’s pink eyes land on me with a surprising level of intensity and I feel my breath catch in my throat.

I hold up a hand. “First… what do you mean by a living hoard? People aren’t things, Kroaicho.”

Zha’s skin lights up purple. “Of course people are not things. I didn’t say that.”

I don’t really believe it. “I’ve been treated like a thing before you, Kroaicho.”

“I didn’t—”

“Let me explain,” I say, cutting zha off. “Well," I start, my voice shaky with uncertainty. "I guess… I should start from the beginning. I'm the youngest of four… uh, zhannel. Which is already a pain in the ass, but it gets worse. My siblings are all much older. One sister, two brothers. All from my mom's first marriage to this guy who, well, let's just say I’m glad wasn’t alive long."

Kroaicho listens intently, zha’s body shifting slightly, blue starting to light up on zha’s skin.

“He was rich… I mean, he had a giant hoard, but wasn’t my, uh... zhann. That was a māori guy. That's my biological father." I stop for a moment, my throat tightening as the weight of the truth settles in my chest. "I won’t ever know who he was."

Kroaicho's confusion deepens, the soft blue glow intensifying. Zha doesn't understand human relationships and I know I need to skip past all of that.

“My mum, my zhann, spent a lot of her… hoard trying to fix whatever is broken inside of me.”

For a moment, I'm lost in the memory of those days—sleepless nights, doctor's visits, the meds that turned me into a zombie, the never-ending exhaustion. And the constant guilt. Always the guilt.

"My siblings," I say, forcing the words out through clenched teeth, "they hated me for it. Because it was their inheritance. Most of the hoard came from their zhann, so they think I don't deserve any of it. As if I asked for that money, I mean hoard, to be used like that. After a while, it was clear that I was just a thing to spend money on until she fixed me. When I tried to leave, she would guilt me back into her life. Talk about her illness and how it was my fault and I’d end up caring for her."

Kroaicho's glow shifts again, a deep purple of irritation this time, as if zha is angry on my behalf. It gives me confidence to keep talking.

"They hate me, but they don't get it," I whisper, my voice barely audible now. "They don't understand what it's like to give up your life for someone. My mum… she could've hired help. She could've spared me from all of it, but she didn't. She expected me to be there for her no matter what. And I was. Because of guilt over money I didn’t ask to be spent in the first place.”

Kroaicho leans in slightly, zha’s glowing eyes locked onto mine. Zha doesn't interrupt, just listens, and for some reason, that makes it easier to keep going.

"I missed out on everything," I admit, my voice cracking. "Friends, parties, college… not that I wanted those things, but I wanted the choice, at least. And for what? For a woman who couldn't even treat me the way a mother should. She was so focused on herself, on her sickness, that she never saw what it was doing to me. But I still wanted her to see me and appreciate me. It's just… complicated. It's not healthy. It never was."

There's silence for a moment, just the soft light of our glow filling the cave as I process my own words. I don't know why I'm telling zha all this. Maybe it's because I've been bottling it up for so long. Or maybe I just needed to say it out loud to someone—anyone—who wouldn't judge me.

“I did not understand a lot of that,” Kroaicho admits and my heart sinks, “but I gathered enough to know that you were treated poorly. But that is not how I see you. Anything in a hoard is not a ‘thing.’ It is… a treasure to be protected. A treasure worth time and attention. A treasure that cannot be replaced. What I realized, just now, is that no treasure fits that description better than you. There is never more than one person that is exactly the same, and you are the most valuable among them.”

My skin lights with orange to hear zha’s words, but then I realize there is another unsettled matter tied to my story. “My two zhann,” Kroaicho twitches at that, still getting used to the idea. “Did not raise me together and it was terrible for me. I mean, it happens to a lot of people and they are fine, but I don’t want to do that. If we are two, then if you have a zhannel, then we become three… or four. I’m not ready for that,” I add hastily, “even if it was possible, but you need to know that there is definitely a ‘we’ when it comes to that.”

Kroaicho nods, the movement awkward for zha and it makes me smile. “I will agree to us being three… or four, instead of one. When the time comes to share our hoard.”