Page 25

25

Olivia

Will my last memory of Kroaicho be of a big, hulking pink glow amid a pile of glittering junk? I’ve been asking myself that question over and over, but there is no answer. I want to turn back, but each time I think of it my mind pulls up every page I’ve ever read about Stockholm syndrome.

To think I scoffed at it, never understanding how anyone could grow that attached to anyone, let alone their kidnapper. Life has a way of humbling us. I shift through all of the pop psychology I’ve read, then the research articles, and even pull up the few lectures I listened to at college before I was kicked out.

None of it helps. All it does is make me far more prone to trip over things as I shuffle in the middle of the group of humans I’ve spent days longing to for, headed for the freedom I thought was the most important treasure possible.

Is this what that saying means? The one about things tasting of ash?

My mum told me I was never satisfied and I always hated it because it felt like they were the ones who were that way, always wanting more money. More things. But maybe she was right, because right now I have exactly what I thought I wanted and it feels… terrible.

I barely pay attention during the walk out of the caves, or the short trek through the thick forest. At first, Rin and Eli try to engage me in conversation, but I just can’t get my mind to stop swirling long enough to understand their words.

Even the fake cheerfulness in their voice, which would normally put me on edge, doesn’t make an impression. My mind just keeps spinning on how easily he turned his back. How easily he sunk into that pile of crap like it was the only thing that mattered. Just like everyone else in my life.

I thought he cared? He risked his life for me… and then rocks are what matter the most in the end? I try and I try, but I can’t make sense of it. None of the patterns I have memorized to help me deal with humans help in this situation.

I’m finally jarred out of my mental looping when we stop and I realize it’s so Kuret can gently place Eli down. She is frantically scratching at her skin as he moves a few giant logs so we can pass through a cave.

My heart constricts as we go through the familiar cool depths, once again looping back to Kroaicho, but it doesn’t take long until we are in an odd valley that is ringed in by cliffs.

It should be impressive, but I just can’t muster any awe.

As soon as we get on the other side, Rin breaks the odd silence we’ve been under the whole time. “I forgot I was strong, Kuret. So stupid. I should have fought…”

“Hush, not now,” Eli whispers, still digging at her skin.

I find myself digging at my own arms, most of my body itching as well, likely in some sort of odd solidarity. Eli’s skin is visibly dry and cracked in a few areas. It looks painful.

“Oh, right,” Rin says, voice clipped.

Then it’s pandemonium, with so much going on that my brain can hardly keep up. There’s a blue dinosaur bounding up and complaining about how long Kuret took and that they could have done it faster. A woman with a shock of pink hair cursing and telling him to shut up.

A very angry sounding whale call from down the valley and the crashing of… trees? Then Eli giving her regrets and telling Kuret he better get her to water really fast or there wouldn’t be anything left to give them shade.

Soon after, giant blue… spider things come bounding up, bellowing and Rin is telling them how they are the best ever. They weave in and out of the group, the smallest of them bumping me, and I feel terrible, but I shudder and it scampers away.

I want to call it back, to treat it like I should and apologize somehow, but I don’t have the words.

Then a giant cat arrives and I… sort of recognize the woman riding on its back, but by then my brain is an inferno. There are five people all talking at once in a new, gravely language and I can’t take it anymore.

My hands are over my ears before I can stop myself, but it doesn’t help much.

“Enough!” someone calls out and there is blessed silence right after, but I’m still reeling.

Right before she embraces me, I realize it’s Ree and stop myself from striking out, but I can’t stop my body stiffening.

She pulls back quickly, looking me up and down, trying to make eye contact, but I keep mine just to the side of her face, already too overwhelmed to care if I’m being rude.

“Hello, Olivia. It is so good to see you safe,” she says, voice breaking. “You don’t like to be touched, do you?”

I shake my head, then lower it, feeling ashamed and awkward.

“Oh, Liv,” Rin whispers. “I keep doing that. I’m sorry.”

I clear my throat, finding my voice. “It’s alright. I didn’t tell you and I know that sometimes people need to be touched. You were scared and I wanted to help.”

“Well, I appreciate that, but I’ll stop,” she replies, her voice heavy with regret.

My stomach clenches. I knew I’d mess up and ruin my chances of fitting in. I just didn’t think it would be the moment I met the whole group.

Stupid, stupid. One hundred percent …

Ree’s voice breaks me out of another thought spiral. “Drasuk,” she says, dropping her gentle tone, “go tell Eli to tell Wroahk that if he keeps breaking trees Kira won’t hunt with him for the foreseeable future.”

“Yes, Commander,” the dinosaur says in a distinctive, rock-grinding voice, then the ground trembles as he turns and bounds away.

“Rin, I think you should go check on Eli. She’s losing her cool,” Ree says.

I listen closely, but I can’t hear Eli at all and I can hear electricity… Strange.

“Olivia should use our cave,” Rin says. “I’ll keep the argila occupied.”

Rin gives a little wave and then strides off through the purple grass, the giant blue spiders cavorting around her, still braying as she laughs.

“My name is Thivoll, little green human,” the orange cat rumbles. “We will talk more later, but know you are welcome.”

I nod, not sure how you respond to alien cats and not up to trying to figure out how right now.

“Kira,” Ree says and I wait for her to issue another order, but instead she just gestures. She puts a hand to her lips, points off down the valley and then makes some more mysterious gestures that probably only make sense to the two of them.

If I had to guess, I would say these two are really close.

“Got it,” Kira says tersely.

“I’ll visit with you sometime tomorrow, Olivia. Kira is going to show you to a place you can rest. She’ll be on guard, just in case, but no one will bother you. Does that sound good?”

I clear my throat again. “Yes. Thank you.”

Kira stalks off without a word and after a moment of panic, I jog to catch up. I look behind me to see Ree leaning against Thivoll’s shoulder, some mysterious look on her face. His tail is wrapped around her legs and she is stroking his fur.

I look away quickly, afraid I am staring when they are trying to have a moment alone, then stumble to keep up with Kira’s purposeful strides.

Her hair is a wild halo of blazing pink, bone spikes catching the last rays of the sun. I glance up, my mind still not settled on the new color of the sky, then quickly look back down.

So much purple… it makes me think of how often I irritate Kroaicho and my stomach twists again.

Luckily Kira is moving so fast it takes most of my focus to move through the long, thick blades of grass without tripping. It doesn’t take long for us to reach a shallow cave, which is piled high with the same purple stalks in a makeshift bed.

I move inside, noting the tufts of blue and brown fur that suggest the… what was it? Argila? Yes, that’s right… they must sleep here.

I feel bad again, the guilt trying to overtake my thinking, but I push it back down. I don’t have the energy for it and if I entertain it I’m just going to spiral until I shut down. I’ve already embarrassed myself enough as it is.

Kira moves a respectful distance from the cave, turns her back to me and sits down, moving a rifle from her back to across her knees and scanning the valley.

I can’t take my eyes off her pink hair. I get momentarily distracted by the row of bone looking spikes coming from her forehead like some sort of crown, and I can’t believe I somehow missed that she has a blue tail… but then I’m right back to staring at the pink.

Why was Kroaicho pink? What emotion does it mean?

I can’t figure it out, but when I come back to myself, I realize I’ve been scratching my wrist raw. My shoulders slump. Not that again…

Then I realize it isn’t just my usual nerves. My skin feels terrible. I ask the black suit to recede and I see why. Interspersed in with my natural olive tone and the silvery skin I picked up second-hand from Rin are patches of bioluminescence.

Just like Kroaicho’s and also shining out in the same mysterious pink.

I let out an inarticulate cry and a short moment later Kira is rushing over to me.

She pulls in a sharp breath. “Alright, I wasn’t supposed to fucking talk, but that’s some shit right there, Olivia.”

“Liv,” I mumble, distracted. “Everyone can call me Liv.”

“Okay. Right. Serious shit, Liv. Was it blood or did you do the nasty with the burly glow bug?” She lets out a bark of a laugh. “You don’t need to answer that, I’m just fucking with you. Damn. I’m not supposed to fuck with you. Fuck.”

My skin shifts to a white glow to signal my amusement, but then to blue when I think over what she just said. “What do you mean about the blood?”

“Have you noticed that you start changing when you come in contact with aliens?” she asks.

“Yes, I’ve picked up things from Kroaicho,” I explain. “And from Rin.”

She nods. “It’s from DNA contact, as far as we can tell. No one knows for sure.”

My brow furrows. “But I cut up some cat creature thingy and a bug stung me and I didn’t…”

“No,” she says, shaking her head. “We aren’t sure why, but animals haven’t made us change. Otherwise Rin would be covered in blue fur and we’d all probably be trying to suck each other’s fucking blood after getting bit by all of the damn bugs on this planet.”

“Gross,” I respond.

“Really fucking gross, Livie. Not gonna lie though, I kinda like it here. Bugs and all. It’s simple and the enemies are clear,” she says, tone wistful.

My skin lights up white again. “I like you, Kira,” I blurt out.

“Is that what pink to white voodoo glow shit means?” she quips.

I grunt. “I guess so. I can’t say for sure and while I agree that it’s simple here, I’m getting sick of all the changes.”

“I fucking feel that, Livie girl. But look at this shit, you’ll be fine,” she says, voice light.

I look up and she’s naked. I quickly divert my eyes, but then they go right back to her, my eyes wide as I take in all of the alien traits on her body. Along with small patches of her natural cinnamon skin tone, she’s got rough blue and red skin, black scales, spikes…

“Alright, I see your point,” I concede.

“See? I always was good at cheering people up by pointing out how completely fucked things can get,” she says with a laugh.

“Is it that bad for you?” I ask, wincing.

“Oh, no, no,” she says with a decisive wave of her rifle. “Not at all. I fucking love it. I’ve never been deadlier. It’s fucking great.”

“You like killing?” I ask, and then cringe again.

Her eyes narrow. “That’s a surprisingly specific question I’ve been asked a million times, but never in that tone of voice. Spill, Greenie.”

I let out a mirthless chuckle. “When you were held by the bugs—”

“I wasn’t, Liv. None of us were.” She crouches down, suddenly so incredibly intense even I can pick it up. “What did they fucking do?”

“Nothing I want to talk about. But I killed them. And I…” I trail off.

“It felt good, didn’t it?” she says, voice softer now.

I moan. “So, so good. It’s wrong, I know it’s wrong.”

She barks out a laugh. “No it isn’t. It’s just another fucking emotion. Have you gone around killing everyone who pisses you off?”

“No,” I say, elongating the vowel.

“Do you have empathy?” she asks.

“Yes,” I reply, though I leave out my struggles with facial expressions.

“Great. You aren’t a psychopath. You’ll be fine,” she says in the same brisk tone as when she stripped naked.

As if it is a completely settled topic.

“I’ll teach you how to hunt,” she adds. “It’ll be a fucking riot. Now get some rest. You need it. I won’t let any of the fucking idiots in.”

With that, she strides out of the cave, and I realize that somehow she made me feel… better. Like I’m not a complete, colossal freak. Maybe just a partial, normal-size freak.

“Wait!” I call out, and she turns around. “How is all of… that,” I say, gesturing to let her know I’m talking about all of the changes to her body, “helpful?”

Her lips stretch in a grin. “Well, the bone crown is pretty clutch if I need to headbutt something like a fucking dinosaur, I guess, but it’s mainly the blue and red hide that’s awesome. I’m mostly bullet proof. Then there’s the extra strength.”

I blink, letting my world shift again as I think through just how deadly it is here.

“Great for crushing necks?” I ask, voice hushed and sounding like a horny teenager.

“The best,” she says with a laugh in her voice.

It pulls an answering laugh from me. “Blood, you said?”