Page 21

Ha-joon

The line of patients to help felt never-ending even with all the extra doctors and staff we had aiding us. I barely closed my eyes the first twenty-four hours, but then I had to crash for a bit. I wasn’t the only one and it was hard to find an empty bed.

And my bitterness at the South American government grew. They weren’t doing enough when this happened in their area to their people.

But there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it, so I let exhaustion take me. It was for only a couple of hours because they needed more hands. I took a quick shower to help wake up and then wondered if I was dreaming when I found Da there with our chefs.

He looked relieved to see me. “Everyone keeps focusing on the people injured or in range of the danger. Your mum is worried about you and your colleagues. The staff is making extra quick-to-eat food.”

“Thanks, Da,” I said, accepting a breakfast sandwich. I wasn’t even sure… No, it was lunch? Almost dinner?

Whatever. It was fucking grand and exactly what my body needed. Well, maybe a dozen more, but it was a start.

“Can we talk while you eat?” Da asked hesitantly.

“We need you in ten for another surgery,” the ED attending said as he snagged his own sandwich. “And some shifters were injured in the rescue op. They’re coming in, so if you can check they’re stable, that would be a big help.”

“On it,” I accepted, waving Da to come with as I grabbed a few more sandwiches. “Everyone okay?”

“No, and we shouldn’t be,” Da said quietly.

“I was blind to too much, but I finally made it clear I had no intention of Myung taking over. I’d had my doubts for a while, and it was most of my stress.

” He was silent as we got on the elevator with others but spoke once they were gone.

“You have no intention of taking over the pack, do you?”

“Glad you finally figured it out,” I drawled. “It was to get him to pull his head out of his arse but now…” There was no nice way to say I didn’t think there was any hope for my brother. “I hope you do the right thing and see you have an amazing option right in front of you.”

“There’s never been a female Alpha of a pack as large as London,” he worried, not playing games or denying it.

“And isn’t that fucking pathetic in this day and age?”

“I agree , Ha-joon, but she will be the target of everyone going first. It’s not sexism that stops every Alpha, every father . If I make that decision and it gets her killed…”

He would never recover.

“Da, it’s her choice and you need to respect that. It also won’t happen tomorrow. You could have twenty years to get the world ready for it. More. If you focus on your health better, and you could if Myung wasn’t such a worry for you.”

He snorted. “You’ll all still always be my biggest worry because I love you so much. And it would be new worries for your sister.”

“True, but… I see it being much better. She’s smart.

She could run that pack better than you do maybe.

Her only ‘flaw’ is her damn sex. Fight for her and let others fight.

I would. Others in the pack would just for the statement of having the first female Alpha.

I see it going better than you could hope. ”

He nodded. “Myung spiraled after what you said. He was telling people it wasn’t true and I promised him that it was a done deal. He was flat-out lying and signing checks for me that now we’ll take a hit not cashing.”

“Change the reason. Get him tested, and while people don’t need to know the official diagnosis, make it clear it’s a medical reason.

That it’s to protect the pack and to keep everyone safe that you would make such a horrible call,” I told him in between stuffing another breakfast sandwich into my mouth.

“That could undermine your sister if she does take over.”

That was a good point, but I reminded him nothing was perfect. Also, to talk to Ha-yun given it could hurt her in the long run. Don’t sign checks for her either.

That seemed to really help and he gave me a grateful look.

He grabbed my arm. “I did as I promised. I really did, Ha-joon. I will get him tested, and—he wasn’t lying when he told me that he knew he couldn’t go through with killing you. I swear to you that I always believed that.”

I let out a slow breath. “It might be harder to read him if he really has the condition. It might be because of the crazy that day and your own wolf being conflicted. There could be many reasons.” He waited until I nodded.

“But there was no guilt from him when I found out. He was annoyed , Da. Like someone pointing out a failure, not his shame.”

“I know,” he rasped. “I sensed it that time too. I also heard he was telling people that you and Ha-yun were throwing childish fits for attention and it was all horseshit. Not only does that undermine me as the Alpha and our laws about becoming Alpha, but…” Da shook his head.

Yeah, there wasn’t much else to say.

“Glad you called him on it,” I muttered, not sure what else I could add.

“He’s taken off the mask fully like what he said about Ellie’s sister,” Da whispered, his voice sounding hollow. “The things your brother said in response… I think you’re right and something is truly broken in him.”

“It’s not your fault, Da,” I said gently, shaking my head when he chuckled darkly.

“Please, just hear me on this.” I waited until he nodded.

“It’s an underdeveloped brain, basically.

That part of him didn’t grow right. It’s not your fault.

It’s not Mum’s fault. It just happens . Just like I got your eyes instead of hers or Ha-yun is so much taller than our sisters. ”

“I will try to hear you, but I still deserve your hate when I didn’t handle this sooner.”

Yes, he did, which was why I didn’t disagree or let him off the hook. Something he noticed.

“But you’re wrong about why I’m jealous of you, Hugo,” he said quietly, shyly almost, which I’d never seen from my da before.

He sighed when I simply stared at him. “Yes, you’re different because you’re two wolves.

You’re more powerful—so what?” He nodded when I raised an eyebrow and kept eating. “I’m more powerful as Alpha too.

“I’ve been labeled as different for treating your mother as my partner, not just a pretty trophy like how most Asian Alpha Mates are.

Or mating with a different type of wolf—one from Asia no less.

” He let out a huff and put his hands on his hips.

“Now I just sound like I’m bragging that I’m not a git. ”

I snorted. He really kind of did, but I understood what he meant.

“It’s how you popped out that always made me jealous, my boy,” he said gently.

“You’ve always known who you are. You—no matter what people said about your shift, it never bothered you.

You knew it meant you were powerful and you just had to get on the same page as your wolf.

You knew you’d be here one day changing the world.

“It’s your confidence that I was— am jealous of.

I doubt myself and who I am so often that maybe I need my head shrunk.

” He snorted. “Definitely do. But you popped out knowing you are Ha-joon Fucking Clark and your approval was the only one you ever needed. You knew you were special and better than so many.”

I almost didn’t say anything and simply accepted the praise…

But it wasn’t that simple. “That’s not what was really happening, Da.

” I stared at my food and blinked back tears.

“I had to. I had to look to myself because I wasn’t supported.

My siblings sneered at me or ignored me.

You and Mum were always focused on so much else. ”

“Yes, and we have failed you but—”

“It wasn’t confidence, Da. It was armor to not get hurt anymore,” I said as I gathered my wrappers.

“It was how I survived to get out of that house and have my own life instead of staying the hated youngest—the black sheep no one cared about. So I’m sorry I made you feel inferior or jealous, but I’ve seen the way your siblings support and love you. I would have given anything for that.”

I had to walk away. We probably needed to talk more, but I was needed for work, and that was more important than old issues that wouldn’t ever be solved.

And I really didn’t have the energy to rip bandages off old wounds.

It took another two days of almost constantly working to handle the disaster.

The last numbers I heard were over a hundred died and they expected more.

People were rioting that the government wasn’t taking it more seriously, but honestly I barely heard any of it.

All I cared about was getting home and really crashing.

Especially since I’d be working Saturdays for the next few weeks to make up for all the appointments I’d had to reschedule. It was ridiculous that ASH handled everything for a disaster on another continent and it was just expected of us.

Expected of Ellie .

I’d showered before we headed home, not even driving ourselves because neither of us felt safe behind the wheel. I thanked the officer who gave us a ride and got the shower ready for her while she ordered us food.

It was honestly comforting and nice to work together when something horrible like this happened. We were both wrecked but on the same page, so it didn’t feel so overwhelming.

Or so I thought.

She wouldn’t get into bed when it was time, both of us clean and fed. She looked anywhere but at me. “I’m going to sleep on the couch.”

“Why the bloody fuck are you sleeping on the couch in your own condo?” I demanded more harshly than I should have.

I sat up and let out a growl, noting her shock.

“Sorry. I’m wrecked but was just thinking how nice this is and we’re in sync…

” I swallowed another growl when she flinched. “Ellie, talk to me. What is going on?”

“I just need some space,” she whispered, looking ready to collapse.