Page 133 of Elite Connections: an LGBTQ Romance Charity Anthology

Kellan placedthe last of his belongings into his suitcase and scanned the bedroom, searching for any forgotten items. His gaze landed on the bed they’d shared. The faint aroma of their shared pleasure lingered amongst the twisted bedding. He closed his eyes, replaying the events of the previous night before snapping back to attention.

He rolled his suitcases into the hallway and overheard the sounds of Connor packing, as well. Kellan’s flight left as soon as he arrived at the airport. Connor’s left later that night.

I should invite him to share the jet. Spend a few more hours with him before…

Kellan didn’t want to think about what happened after… when they returned to the real world and their places within it. Leaving his luggage in the hall, he strode down to Connor’s bedroom. Connor’s strong back was to him when he peeked in. Leaning against the frame, he watched for a few seconds, enjoying the fluid movement of Connor’s body. A body that had done wicked things to his only hours before.

He was caught staring. Connor spun, a stack of clothing in hand.

“Need something?”

“I…” Kellan inhaled, needing a bit of bravado. “I thought maybe… you might want to fly home with me on the jet? It would give us a few more hours.”

Connor held his gaze. “A few more hours before you go back to your old life and forget all about me?”

I could never forget you.

Never.

“I think it might be best we part now. It’ll give us the time to reconcile what happened here before we return.” Connor laid the stack of clothing in his suitcase, turning his back once more.

“What happened here?” Kellan murmured. He knew exactly what Connor meant, but it was easier to play dumb.

Connor spun to face him again. “Don’t act like you don’t know what I mean.”

I know. You were everything I’ve ever wanted.“Oh, come now. This was just a job for you. Right? You’ve done this a hundred times before.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he wanted to yank them back in. “I know you said the things you thought I wanted to hear, likely the same things you’ve said to others before me. But the week is over. You can stop the charade.”

“Just a job?” Connor growled. He scoffed, shaking his head, the smile on his lips not reaching his eyes. “Lie to yourself all you want, but I know what I felt… and I know you felt it, too.”

He asked for more. He wants you. “I don’t know what I think.”

Connor marched closer, invading Kellan’s personal space. “Stop thinking. What do you feel?”

Kellan held his breath. Connor’s nearness overwhelmed his senses. His fingers itched to reach out and tug the man closer, to get lost in Connor’s embrace.

To remain in the man’s arms for the rest of his life.

“I’m… pleased with the time we spent together. I’ve enjoyed your company.”

Connor searched his face a moment. “Pleased? Nothing more?”

What could Kellan say? No matter what, they couldn’t be together once they returned to Texas. Spilling his guts wouldn’t solve anything. “What more do you want?”

A forced smile spread over Connor’s lips. “I’m so very glad you’re pleased.” He turned away, resuming his packing. “Have a nice flight.”

Come with me. Please. I…Kellan opened his mouth to say the last bit, but there was no point. He withdrew and headed toward the staircase. Urging his feet to move when they very much did not want to, Kellan descended, luggage in hand. After depositing his suitcases in the foyer, he stared at the front door, reluctant to walk through it and leave the villa—or the man lingering upstairs.

A horn sounded outside it. His ride to the airport. After one last glance at the stairs, he opened the door and walked out, his heart breaking as he moved.

* * *

From the upstairs window, Connor watched the departing taxi. His gut twisted into knots, leaving him ill. He struggled for air, gasping past the tightness in his chest.

Just another client. Let it go.

He already has.

The taxi disappeared from sight, and Connor walked back to finish his packing, his heart heavy. Instead of packing, he sat on the edge of the bed, lost.

Let it go? Easier said than done.

* * *

When Kellan’s jet arrived home, Emma and Abigail waited on the tarmac, standing just outside the same black vehicle that had dropped him off a week ago. A week? It had felt longer, yet at the same time like the blink of an eye. As soon as he climbed down the steps, Abigail raced closer and jumped into his arms. He hugged her little body close to him. “I missed these hugs so much!”

“Hugs?” Abigail asked, smiling broadly. “Didn’t you miss me, Daddy?”

“Well, of course.” Kellan glanced at Emma, holding Abigail against one hip. “I appreciate the welcome wagon.”

“I knew it was hard for you to be away from Abby. I figured I’d end your suffering as soon as possible.”

“You’re a gem.”

“Let’s go home,” Abigail yelled. “It’s hot.” She eyed him, swiping the back of her hand over her forehead. “Wanna go swimming when we get home? I can show you what I learned.”

“Sure thing,” Kellan said, walking toward the SUV. Emma entered first, and he helped Abigail inside before sliding in himself.

Once Abigail was in her booster seat between them, Emma looked past her. He felt her gaze burning into him. He ignored it. He wasn’t about to share details of his trip in front of their daughter—at least not the more colorful ones. Plus, he didn’t want to slip up and have Abigail overhear that he’d had a houseguest and ask more questions he couldn’t answer.

If he was honest, Connor had been much more than a houseguest. Not for the first time that day, his mind slipped back to Italy and the man who’d changed him.

Yet I’m going back to being the same old, boring asshole.

Abigail chattered about the best parts of her week, and he forced thoughts of Connor from his mind, focusing on her. He was more than happy to sit back and listen. Hearing her tales allowed him some peace. Once home, he showered and changed into a pair of swim trunks and a tee. Exhausted, he could only imagine sliding into bed and sleeping for a couple of days, but he’d promised Abigail they’d swim.

Before he could leave his bedroom, Emma sauntered in. “So? How was it?”

“It was nice.” He forced a smile.

She cocked her head to the side, narrowing her eyes. “Did you enjoy yourself?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you enjoy him?”

Kellan smiled involuntarily, but it quickly faded.

“You look miserable.” She moved closer, tipping his face in her direction. “What happened? Did he hurt you?”

“No. Nothing like that.”

Emma frowned. “So, why does your face look like that?”

Kellan opened his mouth, but no words would come out. After a few seconds of silence, he shrugged.

“What is it, Kel?”

Kellan avoided her gaze. “It was… lovely there. I miss Italy.”

Emma snatched his chin and forced him to face her. “Did you fall for him?”

“Absurd,”he balked.

She held his gaze, her eagle eyes taking in too much. “You’re a terrible liar. Did you know that?”

He pulled from her grip. “I’m not lying. He was a nice guy, and we had a nice time… and now it’s back to the real world.”

“I call bullshit,” Emma said. “I know you too well.”

“I don’t know what you think you see, but you’re hallucinating.”

She remained silent, staring at him with a knowing grin.

“What?” he cried.

Emma lifted a brow. Ignoring her, he headed for the door—but she cut him off, standing before it with her hands on her hips and that single eyebrow arched high.

“Fine!” Kellan barked. “I fell for him. I know it was stupid to fall for a guy who was paid to be there, but I’m a stupid idiot and…” He swallowed against the lump in his throat.

“And it felt good to see what your life could be?” She ambled closer, resting a hand on his arm. “I doubt you fell for this guy in that short a time. You fell in love with an idea. A concept. You liked who you were there, and you don’t want to lose it… and you don’t have to. There are other men out there, babe.”

No. There’s not.

“You’ll find Mr. Right one day. Once you decide it’s time. Hopefully that’s sooner than later.” She brushed her hands over his chest. “I love you, and I want to see you happy.”

He made me happy. “You know I can’t. Not now.”

“You can do whatever you want to do. You’re a grown-ass adult.

“If I ruined my father’s Senate campaign, he’d…” Kellan winced, remembering what it was like to cross his father.

“I know how much he hurt you.” Emma moved closer. “I remember putting cream on those slashes.”

Kellan looked away, shamed. She’d seen him at his lowest and a part of him wished she hadn’t.

“All these years later and you’re still that scared little boy, hoping he’ll accept you if you’re good and you do as he says, when we both know that man will always think you’re less than enough.” Emma moved into his line of vision, capturing his gaze. “You’re an amazing man. A generous friend. A loving father. You are enough, Kel. You’re more than enough.”

Kellan fought a wave of emotion.

“Your father is a black hole who will never be filled.” She brushed his hair back. “Don’t let him steal any more of your happiness.”

“Easier said than done.”

“Maybe it’s time for professional help?”

He glanced at her, wincing.

“A therapist is exactly what you need to recover from your father’s…” She trailed off, as if the word abuse would bring it all back. She needn’t worry. Those memories lay close to the surface at all times. He wore some of them on his fucking skin.

“I don’t want to relive it, Em. I don’t want to feel like a victim.”

“Babe… you relive it every single day of your life. The only way out might be through.”

“Maybe.”

“I’d be willing to do whatever I needed to help you. Join you whenever. Be there after. You know that, right?”

“Yeah,” he whispered softly.

“I can get you some names if you want?”

He nodded, unsure. “Okay.”

She smiled. “You’ll really do it this time?”

Kellan thought back to Connor’s request. That they continue to see one another once home. “He wanted to see me again.”

“He?” She gasped. “The guy from Italy?”

Kellan nodded.

“Hon, be careful. He was there for a reason.” The implied paycheck hung in the air.

“I knew him,” Kellan said. “Before. It’s not about the money.” I hope.

Emma’s eyes widened. “Who was it?”

“I can’t say.”

She gasped again. “I know him, don’t I?”

“No.”

Emma laughed. “As I said, you’re a terrible liar. Tell me.”

“I don’t want to out him. That’s not fair.”

Emma sighed. “Fine.”

“My point is…” he said. “He asked me to see him again, and I… I wanted it. I wanted it so bad that it tore me apart to walk away.” He coughed, clearing the emotion away from his throat. “But I heard my father’s voice in my head, and I chickened out. I told him we couldn’t when it was all I wanted.” He scoffed. “I implied I was just a job and he’d move on. I hurt his feelings.”

“We’ll find you someone to exorcise your demons and then you can make it up to him… if that’s what you want to do.”

He smiled. “Yeah.”

Emma pressed a kiss to his cheek. “If you enjoyed Mr. Italy’s company and he yours… don’t let him slip away.” She caressed his cheek. “You can find a way if this is what you want.”

Abigail burst into the room. “You’re taking too long, Daddy!”

He spun and forced a smile on his face. “I am?”

“Yeah,” she said. “I need my present.”

“Oh, that’s right,” Kellan said, digging through his luggage. He drew out the small, boxed presents and handed them over.

“Oooh,” Emma said, dropping to sit on his bed. She squealed when she saw the necklace. “It’s just like that one I got on our last trip!”

“The one that you loved and lost,” Kellan mentioned. He’d been so excited to find one just like it.

“Yes!” She bounded from the bed and hugged him. “You’re the best, Kel.”

Abigail lifted her wrist, showing off her new bracelet that was similar in style to the necklace. “I can wear it to school tomorrow and show everyone.”

The mention of school had Kellan’s mind spinning. In the morning, he’d come face-to-face with Connor again. What in the hell did he say?

* * *

Connor entered his apartment, his cat meowing loudly at his absence. Checking Felix’s food bowl, he found it empty. “Did Charlie feed you at all this week?” He moved down the hall and lifted a hand to knock when he heard a loud moan coming from behind his roommate’s bedroom door. Connor glanced at Felix. “We’ll have to ask later.”

The screaming in the bedroom grew louder. Connor shook his head, wondering if he shouldn’t check to make sure Charlie wasn’t killing the guy. After feeding Felix and dragging his luggage to his bedroom, he crashed across the surface of the bed, thoughts of Kellan on his mind. In the morning, he’d come face to face with the man. Did they pretend nothing had happened between them? Connor couldn’t cut his feelings off like a switch. He wasn’t built that way, not when the other person meant something to him.

What is it he means to me?

Connor wasn’t sure he could answer that. All he could say was he already missed Kellan’s presence.

You were a paid companion. What did you really expect once you returned? He’s way out of your league in more ways than one.

His cat pawed at the bedroom door, but he was too exhausted to get up. Connor heard Charlie’s bedroom door swing open, the murmur of voices traveling toward the front door before another click sounded.

“What the fuck are you doing, Felix?” Charlie called. He pressed Connor’s door open and startled. “Oh, hey—I didn’t hear you come home.”

“As loud as your friend was screaming, I don’t doubt it.”

Charlie grinned, a hint of pride in it. “He warned me he was a screamer. The twink didn’t lie.”

Charlie noted Charlie only had on a pair of boxers, his cock still semi-erect and poking through. “You wanna point that thing somewhere else?”

“Oh, come on, I thought you liked my dick?” He and Charlie had met on Grindr. Connor had been in a bottoming mood and big-dicked Charlie had fucked his brains out. Connor was a switch who preferred to top. Charlie was straight top. They’d soon realized they weren’t well suited for more than a couple of random nights.

Months later, he’d come to look at a room for rent on Craig’s List and came face-to-face with him again. He’d hosted the hookups, so he’d had no idea where Charlie lived. On first sight, he’d spun to leave. Charlie had stopped him, explaining his last freak of a roommate had taken off without word and left him high and dry. After dozens of weirdos had responded to his ad, he’d all but given up.

“It’s just a room, man. I know you and I didn’t fit in the bedroom, but I still thought you were an okay guy. Please… don’t make me offer that room to one of the crackpots that have stopped in this weekend. Unless you want to see me next time on the news… after I’m murdered.”

Connor had laughed. “Guilt trip much?”

“Hey, you owe me one.”

Connor frowned. “How do you figure?”

“I thought I’d found myself a sweet piece of regular ass—and then you tried to top me and ruined my good time.”

“Poor Charlie.”

“Come on, Connor… let’s be roomies. If it doesn’t work out, we can make a change.”

That had been four years before, and they’d become best friends over that time. Charlie was a bit wild and liked screamers, but otherwise, they made great roommates.

“I might’ve enjoyed it a night or two, but that doesn’t mean I need it staring at me—especially after it was just in some guy’s ass.”

“I wore a rubber.” Charlie laughed, adjusting himself and tucking his monster back into his shorts. “How was Italy?”

Connor’s smile faded.

“That good, hmm?”

“The guy…” Connor sighed.

“I warned you when you took this line of work that you’d end up getting too close to someone,” Charlie spat. “You’re a dumbass.”

“I knew him before I went to Italy,” Connor said. “He’s one of my parents.”

Charlie paused. “Like… from your class?”

“Yeah,” Connor said. “I didn’t know it was him. He didn’t know it was me.”

“And?”

“And… he’s… he’s…” Connor didn’t know how to put Kellan into words. Or how he felt. “I’d felt an attraction before Italy.”

“One week of fucking and sucking and now you’re hooked?”

“Can’t be. He’s rushing back to the closet to hide.”

“Ouch,” Charlie said, rubbing his bare chest. “Let that one go, man. More trouble than they’re worth. You got out of it easy, my friend.” He chuckled. “And paid, too. Could’ve been worse.”

Charlie wandered out, leaving Connor to think. Had he gotten out easy?

The following morning, he arrived to work early for once. Mr. Harding, the principal, checked his watch, frowning when he saw Connor. When he lifted his puzzled gaze, Connor fought a smile.

“Your mother’s better?”

Connor nodded, his gut twisting that he’d lied about a sick mother to get the last-minute week-long vacation. “Mom’s great, thanks.”

“Good to hear.”

“I should go see what state my classroom’s in.” Connor raced away as fast as he could without running. He entered his room, feeling like it had been a million years since he’d last been there. After checking messages and cleaning off his desk, he prepared for the day, his gaze flipping to the doorway every time someone passed.

“Mr. Q!” his first student yelled as he crossed the threshold. He gave Connor a hug and grinned. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too, buddy.”

One by one, his students arrived, most telling him how much they had missed him. He’d missed them, too. The final bell rang and no Abigail—nor Kellan. He forced the concern from his mind and focused on his kids. “Let’s get the wiggles out. Up! Up! Let’s shake it all out!”

He shook his arms and body, along with his students. Once they’d moved for a solid minute, he stopped. “Okay! Let’s get out our math workbooks, everyone.”

Fourteen little bodies went digging for their workbooks. And one little body arrived late, her father trailing in behind her.

“Morning, Abby,” Connor said before lifting his gaze to Kellan. Kellan’s face was pink, eyes traveling anywhere but Connor’s face. “Welcome back, Mr. Rhodes.”

When Kellan finally looked up, he noted fear in the man’s eyes. Marching closer, he paused at the front of Connor’s desk. “Can I speak with you privately for a moment?”

Connor searched his face before turning to the class. “Open up to page fifty-six and read over the first word problem at the top. I’ll be right outside, so no funny business.” He playfully glared at one of his most well-behaved kids. “That means, you, too, Jack.”

Jack giggled, and Connor turned to follow Kellan out.

Once they were alone, the awkward tension nearly choked Connor. “What’s wrong?”

“I, ah…” Kellan sighed. He stared at Connor, longing in his eyes.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he whispered. “I…” He shook his head, smiling, but the fear returned to his eyes. “I just wanted to…” A look of disgust crossed his face. “Are we going to be okay, you and I? Me coming here in the mornings and dropping Abby off?”

Connor stiffened. He’d gotten the sense that Kellan was about to say something much different. Stop getting your hopes up. “Why wouldn’t we be? I’m a professional. You are, too. We can handle this until the end of the school year. It’s only another month, and Abby will have another teacher next year. You can avoid me after that.”

“I didn’t say I wanted to avoid you.”

“Maybe it would be best if you did,” Connor murmured, pain lancing his chest. If he couldn’t have the man, he sure as hell didn’t want to be tormented every damned morning.

“You don’t… want me around?”

“I didn’t say that,” Connor said. Seeing you is breaking me. Why can’t you understand that? “Don’t put words in my mouth.”

Kellan stared at him, his face blank.

“If that’s all? I’ve got a class to return to.”

“Yeah,” Kellan whispered.

Connor spun, heart aching, and forced himself to get through the rest of the day without thinking about Kellan Rhodes again.