Page 107 of Elite Connections: an LGBTQ Romance Charity Anthology

I havea weird feeling in my stomach right now. Because tonight is our last night at the resort.

This is the last time I’ll witness Liam effortlessly charming my colleagues at dinner while his hand rests proprietarily on my knee.

I know I’m quiet, even for me, but my mind can’t help replaying the afternoon events. How safe I felt with Liam by my side completing all the activities of the treasure hunt. Which is absolutely the last thing I thought I’d feel in Liam’s presence, ever.

But things have changed so much between us…to the point that they are almost unrecognizable.

How am I going to say goodbye to him tomorrow? How am I going to walk away from this?

The thought hollows my stomach.

After dinner, my melancholy continues.

This is the last time I will dance with Liam.

He seems to pick up on my mood, and his good-natured humor from dinner fades into something quieter on the dancefloor. Neither of us seems in the mood for our usual funny insults and quips, so instead, we just dance.

Henrietta’s patrolling the dancefloor with her phone, snapping photos of everyone, but I don’t pay her much attention.

I’m too wrapped up in Liam.

Wrapped up in him physically because his arms circle me, and even for the fast songs, we stay pressed against each other.

Wrapped up in him emotionally because I can’t look away from his face, trying to catalog his expressions and work out what he’s thinking.

Am I the only one feeling this way? Wondering how the hell we went from being lifelong enemies to this place where the idea of being apart from him is ripping at something inside me?

“Gee, Matthew, dancing really isn’t your thing, is it?” Paul taunts as he swings by. I immediately tense.

“Lucky he has me here to make him look good,” Liam says smoothly.

“Yes, you definitely make him look good,” Paul replies.

Liam waits until Paul is out of earshot before he leans down and murmurs in my ear. “You want to head back to the villa?”

I nod wordlessly.

As we walk back down the path, he threads our fingers together.

I take a deep breath, trying not to read too much into it. Trying not to overinterpret an innocent gesture. But I can’t help the hope ballooning inside me that maybe, just maybe, the way his grip has tightened on mine actually means something.

Once we’re inside, we both head straight to the bathroom to get ready for bed. Because that’s what I now do with my childhood enemy. I stand side by side with him at the bathroom sink, brushing my teeth. And I avoid his eyes because I don’t want my emotions to betray me.

This is the last time I get to spend the night with Liam. The last time we’ll be together. The last time we’ll have sex. I’m pretty sure that’s on the agenda tonight because it’s always on the agenda between us, but for the first time, I find myself wondering if I’ll be able to handle it.

“You really need to say something to Paul, get him to stop all that crap,” Liam says when we get back to the bedroom and start stripping for bed. I’m glad he’s spoken first, and while Paul isn’t a topic I usually want to think about, I grasp at it to distract myself.

“Yeah, I know I do,” I say. “It’s just difficult.”

“Why is it difficult? You’re the boss.” Liam steps out of his pants.

“I know I’m the boss…but it was so hard when I started out.” I unbutton my shirt slowly. “I had this idea for an app, and I had to pretend I knew what I was doing, that I was this confident man instead of this green kid who didn’t have a clue about anything.”

“But you did it, Matthew.”

“Yeah, I know I did.” It’s impossible to fully put into words how far I’ve come, yet I sometimes feel still as out of my depth as I did when I first started.

I look up to see Liam still watching me, and something about the understanding in his expression makes me continue.

“Fake it till you make it, right?” I say.

“What happens when you make it though? When do you decide to stop faking?” Liam asks quietly, his eyes not leaving mine.

“I guess I’m still figuring that out.”

“Well, I think as part of figuring that out, you need to make sure you’re not letting someone like Paul get away with treating you like this.”

Shit. Liam’s looking at me like he really cares about this, which is more than I can handle right now.

“It’s a bit strange to have you urging me not to put up with petty insults when you spent our entire childhood insulting me,” I comment. “Although I suppose I gave back as good as I got. You can’t quite do that when you’re the boss.”

“We were kids then, Matthew. You don’t have to put up with that kind of shit in your working life.”

I heave a deep sigh and climb into bed.

Liam does the same, rolling over on his pillow to study me.

I feel myself flush under his scrutiny.

“I’m sorry,” he says eventually.

My forehead furrows. “What for?”

“I’m sorry if what I did to you growing up made you feel like the kind of shit Paul’s doing to you now is a part of life you have to accept. Because it’s not.”

Hearing him say those words causes something inside me to cleave in two. For a few seconds, I struggle to get my breathing back under control.

“I’m sorry too,” I say softly. “I’m sorry for hassling you about your intelligence and making you think you weren’t smart.”

Liam shifts away from me, lying on his back and staring at the ceiling. “I was so jealous of you,” he says finally.

I blink. “You were jealous of me? Are you kidding? You were the good-looking guy everyone loved. I was just the geeky nerd.”

He shrugs, his eyes still glued to the ceiling. “Everything in school seemed to come easy to you. And you had the perfect family, while I had a mom who was busy rebuilding her life on the other side of the country without me and a dad who really didn’t give a shit.”

The pain in his voice has me drawing in a sharp breath. Oh, holy god. I had no idea he felt like that.

“You say you feel like you pretend you know what you’re doing in your job. I feel like I’ve been pretending everything’s okay since I was eight years old.” His voice is quiet, but it clobbers me.

I stare at the side of his face, facts from the past shifting and reforming into a new shape.

How had I not worked out how fragile we both were underneath the personas we projected to the world?

“Oh, Liam,” I say, shuffling closer to him. He turns to face me, and the vulnerable look on his face slices something inside me.

The kiss happens because I can’t help myself.

I want to kiss away the pain I can see on his face. I want to kiss away the hurt of the eight-year-old boy who was suffering, and I did nothing but make it worse.

Liam said I was smart when I was a kid. But I wasn’t emotionally smart enough to see Liam properly, to see what lay beneath the cocky persona he projected to the world.

Liam kisses me back, his lips gentle and tender.

We kiss softly because it’s about connection, nothing else.

But gradually, our kisses get more intense, and our hands start wandering the well-traveled paths over each other’s bodies.

Can sex be atonement? Can it heal past wounds?

It feels like whatever is happening between Liam and me now is more powerful than words could ever be.

The way his hands slide down my skin. The way he kisses me so deeply, like I’m a fundamental substance he can’t survive without.

I’m aware that the way I’m touching him back is different from what I’ve ever done with any other partner.

I’ve never felt so seen during sex before. Liam is making love to me, Matthew O’Conner, with all my flaws and imperfections.

And I’m doing the same back to him. We know the worst of each other, all our pettiness and deep-seated insecurities.

And yet…we’re at the point where there is nothing but desire between us.