Page 9

NINE

EASTON

I kicked the thin cover off my body. Sticky sweat lingered on my skin as I turned. I flipped the pillow in the hope of finding a cooler spot to lay my head, but the heat and the humidity were so uncharacteristically high tonight that I couldn’t go back to sleep.

My phone said it was just after midnight. I almost didn’t believe it. I had been drifting asleep and waking up for what felt like the entire night, haunted by the subtle needles with which Jace had pricked me where it hurt, yet even more worried about the mess I had gotten myself into. There was no chance of sleep tonight.

The terrible smell of cigarette smoke that had crawled into every part of my little apartment since Jace’s arrival was strong again.

I sat up, pulled a pair of black cotton shorts up my legs, and walked out of the sauna that my room had turned into over the last two hours.

The apartment was dark. The only light in here came from the outside. A mix of orange light from the streetlamps and the rainbow of colors from the surrounding buildings staved off the total darkness, but the figure sitting on the windowsill, leaning against one side of the window frame, one leg dangling inside, the other lifted to the sill, was a silhouette against the outside lights.

“I wish you wouldn’t do that,” I said after clearing my throat.

Jace turned his head. “Which part?”

“All of it,” I said. “Smoking, sitting like that, the whole thing.”

His unruly hair was damp as if he’d showered. As I neared him, I could see the clear line of his low taper fade and the dagger tattoo extending along his left ear. A silver earring, as simple as a piece of round wire, caught a glint of light as he turned his head back and blew out a cloud of smoke. “You’re so sweet to worry about me, Easton. You must really love me.”

I snorted. “I don’t need to love you to not want you falling out the window.”

Jace pushed the cigarette butt into the beer can, then turned to face me again. It was infinitely harder to look at him now that he was shirtless again. He wore only a pair of pants with holes where his knees were and a few rips along his thighs. I honestly couldn’t tell if that was a style or just wear and tear. What had life done to him? Where had he been? But I didn’t want those questions answered, not really. The more I knew about Jace, the closer I was. And being so close to the very embodiment of wildfire was never a good idea.

“Can’t sleep?” Jace asked.

“Too hot,” I muttered, tucking my hands in my pockets.

Jace’s gaze flicked down my torso. He examined me slowly, then tipped his head to one side. “And those bruises?”

“They’re just bruises,” I said. Yet it felt as though the aching parts of my body heated up and throbbed painfully under the weight of his gaze. “Jace, I…”

He waited when the words caught in my throat. He offered me no help at all in getting them out.

I inhaled deeply, my chest rising and drawing his attention. He was so shameless that it infuriated me. What was the point of provoking me like that? It was the exact thing Kyle had done a million times. It was like I attracted disaster by simply existing. I ignored his teasing gaze and spoke. “I shut you down when you clearly wanted to tell me something. I don’t know why you’re still stuck in the past. I’ve no idea what your life was like after you left, but if you want to tell me, I’ll listen.”

In his low, husky voice, Jace said, “I didn’t leave, Easton. I was kicked out.”

I blinked and looked down.

Jace hopped off the windowsill and stood in front of me. It was far too close for my comfort, but I didn’t back down. It was a thing I’d learned in hockey. Never back down.

“You said I tormented you. Maybe that’s true,” Jace said, his voice dropping to almost a purr at the end. “But you have no idea what it was like being around you.”

“I didn’t choose to be adopted by them or to be your competition,” I said. It was crazy that I needed to defend myself. “They picked me. I never had any say in how they treated us.”

“No. You were just perfect,” Jace said.

“How is that my fault?” I demanded.

He waved his head, then crossed his arms on his chest. The Son of God tattoo was covered by his arms, but his arms were a patchwork of ink art. His chest displayed an eagle as it descended toward its prey. “That’s not what I mean, though.”

“Then what do you mean? I’m having a hard time understanding you, Jace.”

He cocked one corner of his lips into a lazy smirk and shook his head. “Are you?”

“I really fucking am,” I said in a huff, forcing my gaze to remain on his face. For a guy who apparently couldn’t catch a break, he sure kept his eyebrows neat. As he lifted them, I was reminded just how expressive his face could be when he wasn’t acting so cool and indifferent.

“You don’t realize that it was hell for me, too, when we were growing up,” Jace said. “Seeing you grow…” He bit off the rest of that sentence. “Living in the same house, being called brothers…do you have any clue what that felt like? You’re not the only one with fucked-up fantasies, Easton.”

“Bullshit,” I breathed.

His eyes sparked with something vicious as he looked at me. Stepping closer, Jace tilted his head to one side. “I know you, Easton,” he said darkly. “I know what you crave.”

I clenched my teeth, the heat rising into my face.

“We’re not boys anymore,” he said. “But you don’t want it any less. Hell, I think you want it more than ever.”

“Stop,” I said through my teeth.

He neared me again, only by a fraction of an inch, but it felt as significant as if he’d leaned against me. “Why? Because you don’t want me to touch you? You don’t want to be on your knees for me?”

My throat tightened so hard that I couldn’t breathe. My skin crawled, and chills ran down my spine. I balled my fists after I slipped them out of my pockets. If he came an inch closer, I would have to push him away.

“Don’t pretend you don’t want it, Easton,” Jace whispered, his heated breath washing over my face. My gaze dragged slowly to his round shoulders. I tried to look away, to step back, but his words put a spell on me. “Tell me,” he said, amused as ever. “Tell me you don’t want me to do this. That you never wanted it.” And when I said nothing, simply holding my lip in a vicious bite, he continued. “Tell me it didn’t turn you on to sleep on the other side of the wall from me, Easton. Or that it didn’t make you horny when they called us brothers.”

“It didn’t,” I said, my gaze snapping to his burning eyes. “Never.”

“Liar,” he said, cracking a smile.

“Stop this,” I said, but my words didn’t sound too convincing. “Stop tormenting me, Jace.”

“It’s only torment if you resist it,” he said, stepping closer and making my entire body want to combust.

“Bullshit,” I spat, tearing my feet off the floor and taking a step back.

As I turned around, his hand landed on my bare shoulder. “You never fantasized about me, Easton?” The heat of the contact, such a rare occasion, spread all over my shoulder. Bare skin touching bare skin, I almost folded under its weight. His hand moved to my arm, fingers sinking into my bicep as he tugged me to turn back. “Because I know you did.”

My focus narrowed. This was worse than Kyle’s endless parading in the smallest pair of shorts known to mankind. This was worse than Kyle’s offer to jerk off together. This, unlike anything I’d had with Kyle, struck a real nerve. Because I had spent years fantasizing about Jace, and he only wanted to use it as a weapon. He’d have me spinning around his little finger until I let him have whatever he wanted. Spoiler alert: it wouldn’t be me. He wanted far more trivial things, like a spare bed and a place to cook some food. He didn’t want me.

“Back off,” I snapped. “I’m not your fucking toy. Whatever you think you’re doing, I’m not biting, so you better stop now, or you’ll be out of here before you need to be.” And when he dared pretend to be shocked, I couldn’t stop the words flowing over my lips. “I’m sick of being target practice for bi-curious fuckboys. Don’t fucking touch me.”

The shock was wiped clean off his face, only to be replaced by outrage. “Bi-curious? Fuck you, Easton.”

“There,” I said. “You’re so fucking ready to tease me until I fall for it. Then you’re all straight as fuck.”

“Straight?” He was incredulous. “Go fuck yourself, asshole. I’m gay.”

“Bullshit,” I said before the words even had the time to sink in. But a moment later, my heart tripped. Was he just saying that to draw me out into the open so he could mock me?

“Oh yeah?” he challenged. “Well, you don’t get to decide what I am, you little fuck.”

“I know what you are,” I said, taking a step toward him. He was still an inch taller than me, but I was stronger. My body was defined, my muscles trained well, and my anger infinitely hotter than Jace’s. “You’re a joker, Jace. You’re jealous, and you’re vengeful.”

“Those don’t make me straight,” he said flatly, not backing down. “I thought you fucking figured that out. I sure as hell know you’ve been feasting your eyes on me.”

My mouth was dry, but I forced the words out. “I haven’t.”

He snorted. “Don’t bullshit me. You’re as gay as they come, and you’re into me. Why resist it?”

“Because you were my brother,” I yelled, words ripping free from me against all odds. Had I believed him? Had I somehow turned around and believed that Jace was attracted to me? My whole world was upside down, but that didn’t make my words any less true. “We were raised together. It’s fucked-up.” My words would have sounded truer if I wasn’t so aware of the heat his body radiated. It was like standing next to a furnace.

“At least you don’t deny it anymore,” Jace said.

It was a checkmate. He got what he wanted.

I exhaled and shook my head. “So what? It’s not like I can keep it a secret forever. Too many wrong people know already.”

“Why would you want to keep it a secret?” Jace asked. There was an unmistakable note of disgust in his tone, and I hated him for it. But I believed him, too. Against my best attempts—and against all the lessons I had learned with Kyle—I believed Jace when he said he was gay.

“How many gay NHL players do you know?” I asked.

He rolled his eyes. “I don’t follow that shit.”

“You don’t, but I do. It’s my life, Jace. It’s my scholarship at Westmont and my future away from…” I snapped my mouth shut and turned away from Jace.

“Away from what?” Jace asked, his voice dripping with irony. I could hear him shifting his weight from one foot to the other, crossing his arms on his smooth, inked chest. “The perfect little life with Kevin and Ruthie? Could it be you want to be free from them?”

“It doesn’t matter,” I said, walking to the other end of the living room. Yet I couldn’t force myself to leave altogether. Something tethered me to this spot, to this person. I wanted so badly to sever it and be free, but I couldn’t. All my life, we’d orbited one another. Nothing was done by mistake or without a reason.

“Of course it matters,” Jace said. “But what I don’t understand is how me knowing who you really are threatens your career.”

I squeezed my eyes shut. Kyle had stayed well away from me on Thursday and Friday, but I had seen him watching me in the locker room. I had seen the gleeful spark in his eyes when he spotted the bruises on my torso and when he found the cuts on my face.

It was only a matter of time before my team knew the gravity of my mistakes. Nobody dared to ask me yet, nobody but Elio and Patrick, about the wounds. To them, I had lied because that was what being gay had made me. A liar. A lifelong expert in bending the truth and hiding behind big lies.

“Who am I gonna tell?” he asked. It seemed to make him laugh, although his laughter was bitter and dark. “It’s ironic that the least trustworthy person you know is the only one you can fully trust, eh?”

“Why should I trust you?” I whispered and looked at the floor.

Jace approached me from behind, keeping a respectful distance between us. “What would I get out of telling someone you like sucking dick, Easton? Nah, it’s not me you’re worried about. It’s that roommate you had.”

I spun around furiously. “What do you know about that?”

Jace shrugged. “I know he left, and I know he threw your bag in a dumpster. And I know he sent his guys to kick your ass.” He tucked his hands into his pockets, his shoulders slouched, and his arms relaxed. He was covered in intricate designs that made no sense to me in the darkness of the night. All I saw were the curves of his muscles and occasional highlights on his skin when it caught the light of the city outside my window. “I also know you feel alone, but it doesn’t have to be like that.”

“Because you can keep me company,” I sighed.

“I sure can,” Jace said. He looked straight into my eyes. “I can keep you company. I can weasel out that piece of shit who did this to you. I can do all sorts of things.”

I swallowed. It was so tempting to hand over all my problems to Jace. He could wave his hand and make it all go away, or so he thought. “And when all that is done, you’ll turn on me,” I said. “Because we have unfinished business.” And because he never looked away from the past. He never took that leap to leave the past behind.

He cocked the corners of his lips into a smile. “Maybe I won’t.”

I shook my head, fighting the tendency of my gaze to drop to his chest, his flat stomach, or his torn pants. “A lot rides on your ‘maybe’ for my comfort.”

Jace blinked slowly and leaned forward a little. He had no concept of personal space. Like he was God-given, he simply pushed himself into my space. “If I really wanted to get back at you, I would have done it by now. Besides, I can think of a million fun ways to punish you that won’t ruin your life.” He hesitated a moment for dramatic effect, and I hated how well it worked. “It would wreck your world, don’t get me wrong.”

“Don’t be filthy,” I said with the last of my strength.

He snorted as he stepped back. “Just saying, I’m not the one you should be afraid of.”

But hearing this didn’t make me any less afraid of what Jace was capable of. He had more than enough reason to hate me. I was his replacement in the only home he’d ever known. When he looked at me, he saw the reason he’d been thrown out.

I said nothing else. He was still making fun of me, even when he told me he was gay. He still dangled the fact of my attraction to him as something he could mock.

But he was right, too. The number of people I could trust was shrinking fast. Last year, I had no problems I couldn’t talk about. The pressures of leading the team and losing the trophies left and right had been my biggest issues. I could speak to any of my teammates about that.

This…

This was not something I could take to Elio or Patrick. I’d made the mistake of assuming Kyle’s beliefs and opinions, and I was paying a high price for that. I wouldn’t make that mistake twice.

So, the only ally I had was Jace. My hateful, vengeful former brother. The guy whose very presence made my knees click and shake. And I was desperate for allies.

I reached the open door of my bedroom, hand touching the frame. Holding my breath, I stopped thinking about it. I stopped weighing my options and shook my head. “There’s one condition,” I said.

Jace didn’t reply.

“You can stay here,” I said. “But Dad can never find out.”

After a moment of silence, Jace said, “We have a deal.”

As I shut the door of my bedroom and turned the key, I was surprised to find that I didn’t feel like I’d just made a terrible mistake. No doubt, this would bite me in the ass sooner or later, but my chest wasn’t hollowed out with the sense of foreboding.

Jace and I were not a good combination. But it was far better to have him nearby. If nothing else, I could manage him better if I knew what he was up to. And besides, Dad was increasingly angry about paying for the entire place. I could use Jace’s shady cash to stave off another immediate problem.

I lay down and shut my eyes. The sleep took me eventually, and the dreams spared me for once.