Page 22 of Echo, the Sniper (Men of PSI #2)

The Need to Just Be

––––––––

Rory

C OULD I BE ANY MORE of a mortifying head case?

Obvious answer—no.

I huddled on the lobby bench, pretending to look at my phone when in fact I was concentrating on holding myself absolutely still. It was the only way I knew how to control the internal quaking trying to rattle me to pieces.

I knew being married to Dane had left its mark on me. Of course I knew it. I’d felt myself changing every time he made me feel like I was less than who I’d once been. It was like he obliterated pieces of me. Made me smaller. Made me nothing .

But to have a panic attack over a simple conversation was just...

Sad.

I closed my eyes and tried to become a statue.

I couldn’t let fear rule my life. The source of that fear was dead and gone, yet here I was being triggered to the point of hyperventilating.

Echo wasn’t Dane. No man was Dane, for God’s sake, because Dane hadn’t been a man.

He’d been a monster in human skin, and I’d just been unlucky enough to be saddled with him.

Thanks, Dad. You sure picked a real one.

I rubbed a hand over my face, trying and failing to erase the tension there.

I thought I had a handle on my past and Dane, but clearly I didn’t.

Whether I liked it or not, I had to start dealing with whatever the hell was holding me back and keeping me a prisoner of my own trauma.

I had to let go of the terror of saying something wrong and just.. . be me.

Too bad I didn’t know who that was.

Despite my best efforts, my attention slipped back to my protector as he spoke on his phone across the lobby.

When I’d asked Echo if I could conduct the meeting with Warrington Coates, he’d readily agreed like it was no big deal.

With every question I’d asked of Coates, I kept expecting Echo to jump in and either apologize for me or somehow ridicule the points I was trying to make. But he never did. Not once.

Almost like he believed in me the way I used to believe in myself.

And it felt good .

Then I ruined everything by panicking over whether or not I might be wrong about Edward and Josiah’s relationship, fearing Echo would punish me for possibly being wrong. No doubt the poor man was now convinced he was protecting a crazy person.

I was so messed up.

A flash of movement beyond the lobby’s glass doors had me glancing up in time to see Warrington Coates cross the parking lot like his butt was on fire.

Surprised, I rose from the bench to get a better look, tucking my phone away as I moved to the glass doors a few feet away.

Yep, there he was, the liar himself, climbing into a gray Hummer that was either a testament to small-dick energy or a nostalgic yearning for his youthful military days.

One thing was certain, though. He seemed to be in a hurry.

I wonder where—

“Rory.”

I whipped around at the low roar behind me, only to find Echo surging my way like a force of pure, masculine menace.

Oh, no.

“I’m sorry.” The words squeaked out of me on autopilot, not even knowing what I was apologizing for.

All I knew was that a man meant business when he looked like he wanted to commit a mass-casualty event, so I put my hands up defensively to protect my face, ducking my chin as tightly as possible against my chest. I’d learned not to reach out, because that only made it easier for me to be pulled into a slap or a punch, or maybe have my wrist twisted so hard it drove me to my knees while the fracturing of my bones filled my ears with a sickening snap.

“Rory, breathe.”

Wait.

What?

“Come on, baby girl, you’re okay. Just breathe.”

“I’m sorry.” He needed to know I meant it. I had no clue what I did wrong, but whatever it was I wouldn’t do it again. God, I was so sick of not being able to do anything right.

“Sh-sh-sh. You’re okay.” Gentle hands covered my shoulders. I flinched violently, and the hands stilled for a tense moment before the moved down my upper arms and back up in a slow, easy rhythm. Soothing. Comforting.

Not hurting.

Oh no, I thought with sinking despair. Did I screw up by overreacting again?

Yes , came the immediate answer as shame and embarrassment flooded through me. And the Overly Dramatic Award goes to me yet again.

I couldn’t go on living like this. I had to get control of myself. It was the only way to get control of my world, my life .

Carefully I opened eyes I couldn’t remember squeezing shut and peered up at Echo from behind the fists I held in front of my face.

Take control, Rory. Take freaking control.

“You scared me.” I pushed the words out through a throat that didn’t want to unclench while humiliation scoured my veins like acid. “Let’s not... let’s not do that again. Okay?”

“Okay.” Very slowly, as if his motor functions were stuck in slow-motion, he lowered his brow to mine.

My fists were still between us so I could feel his breath feather along my knuckles like a kiss.

The surprising gentleness of it had my hands falling to my sides, if only so I could feel that feathery caress on my lips. “Question—do I have your attention?”

I was amazed he had to ask. “Yes.”

“Good, because I’m going to make you a promise right now, and I never break a promise once I give it.

That’s why I don’t like making them in the first place.

But for you I’m going to make an exception, because seeing fear in your eyes fucking guts me, so I need to give you something real.

Something you can rely on. That’s what a promise is when it comes from me. Ready?”

A huff of breath escaped me. I was stunned to realize it was almost a laugh. “With a build-up like that, I can’t wait to hear it.”

“I promise I’ll never raise a hand to you.

I promise I’ll never kick you, slap you, punch you, shake you or throw you.

I promise I’ll never harm one single beautiful hair on your head.

Any man who hurts a woman isn’t a man, so I’m never going to hurt you.

And if anyone tries to hurt you while I’m still breathing, I promise to kill them.

Not take them into custody. Not hand them off to the police.

I will fucking kill them. I will either do it in front of you or away from your eyes, your choice.

I will then bury them where no one will ever fucking find them so you’ll know they can never hurt you again.

Maybe that’s not the promise you probably need, but I am who I am.

No one hurts you . Not me. Not whoever’s after you. No one.”

No one hurts you.

Those words reverberated inside me until my eyes stung and my throat tightened. He meant it. Yes, he was my bodyguard, but it didn’t matter. For the first time in years, someone other than me gave a damn about whether or not I hurt. Someone gave a damn.

If I wasn’t careful, I’d fall into that stupid bodyguard crush trap like I was testing gravity.

“Wow.” A shiver rippled through me, because I could feel the vow in every word. “You really mean that, don’t you?”

“Yeah.” His pale eyes, so close to mine, warmed with a hint of a smile. “Even when you disappear off a bench you’re supposed to be sitting on and giving me a heart attack, I mean it. I’ll never hurt you and neither will anyone else. I promise.”

That made me take half a step back in surprise, making his head lift from mine. “What?”

“The bench, Rory. I told you to plant yourself on that bench, but when I turned around you were gone.”

I sent a significant glance past him. “That bench? No more than five feet away from where we’re standing right now?”

“You’re not helping your case, since where we’re standing is around the corner from where I was across the lobby, and therefore out of my line of sight. Had about a year of my life scared out of me when I turned around and you were gone.”

“But I was—” I stopped, unsure of how he’d take me defending myself. Dane called it back-talk and got enraged by it. While Echo was proving to be nothing like my late husband, I wasn’t in the mood to press my luck. “Right. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, I should’ve kept a closer eye on you. This was a learning experience for the both of us, and we’ll do better next time. Now,” he went on, his gaze holding me in place, “what were you going to say?”

“Nothing important.”

“Rory.” He caught my hands in his, and I got the strangest feeling he was trying to keep me from slipping away from beyond his grasp. “Everything you want to say is important to me. Why’d you leave the bench?”

His words stunned me so much I almost forgot why I’d moved.

Everything you want to say is important to me .

.. “I caught a glimpse of someone who looked like Coates hightailing it out of here, so I got up to confirm it was him. It was, and he took off in a late-model Hummer, license plate number BXL-488, if you’re interested. ”

“That memory of yours really is something,” he said shaking his head before he glanced at his watch. “It’s nearly five o’clock now, close enough for it to be quitting time. It’s possible he simply decided to cut out ten minutes early.”

“And if he didn’t?”

“We know where he lives and what he’s driving, so if we need to find him, we know where to look. But unfortunately, it’s too late to track where he’s going right now.”

“Right.” Which was why I hadn’t wanted to say anything. “Next time I’ll just... stay on the bench.”

“I don’t want you to stop being you. Just do it in my line of sight and we’re good.”

“I don’t even know who I am, so I have no idea what that would look like.” I had meant to say it as a self-deprecating joke, but even I heard how it fell flat. Probably because it was true.