Page 56 of Duress (Birch Falls #3)

EVERLY

D ane and I are lying in bed facing one another as we eat the cold grilled cheese sandwiches that somehow miraculously didn’t get eaten by the four-legged date saboteur that’s currently snoring at the foot of my bed. The pasta salad must have actually satiated the beast.

I watch Dane lick butter off his fingers, and the wink he shoots me when he catches me staring causes my cheeks to heat.

It’s so easy with him. Lying in bed, eating cold sandwiches, just enjoying the moment as it is.

There is a feeling of tranquility between us right now that is so comfortable and settled, I’m afraid I’m going to ruin everything with my next question, but it’s the last hurdle we have to clear before we can move forward for real with a relationship.

I know where I stand, but I also know Dane is much younger than me and may still have certain expectations for his life, and the last thing I want to do is rob him of any of his dreams.

I close my eyes and inhale a deep breath to fortify myself in case I ruin everything with this next question.

I commit this moment to memory. How perfect it is.

No matter what else happens, we will always have this one perfect moment.

When I open my eyes again, I find Dane staring at me—brows furrowed, eyes questioning, full lips turned down in a worried frown.

He’s sensed the shift in my energy. He knows I’ve got something on my mind.

The way this man can read me never fails to stun me.

Especially after how clueless Bryce seemed to be of my every emotion.

The way Dane can look at me and see inside me makes me feel vulnerable but seen in a way I’ve never felt before.

This is why I have to say this now, before we get too far along and fall too deep and realize that this won’t work.

I need to know while I still have one foot still firmly planted in I’m a strong independent woman and I can do it on my own land.

Once he’s embedded into my soul for good, losing him will cleave me in two, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to recover from that.

A girl can only be patched together so many times before she becomes just the shattered remains of what could have been.

“Do you want kids?” The question hangs in the air between us, heavy, almost corporeal.

Thick like fog on the mountains before the sunrise.

Dane studies my face, like he’s trying to figure out if there is a right answer to the question.

I bite back the urge to tell him I can’t have children.

My heart thunders in my chest from anxiety.

I don’t want to influence his answer. I have to know if it’s something his heart truly wants.

I don’t want him to say what he thinks I want to hear .

Dane reaches up with his free hand and gently cups my cheeks, swiping away an errant tear with his thumb. I didn’t even realize I was crying.

“I want you , Everly. Just you. If you want kids, I’ll gladly give them to you. If you don’t, then that’s fine too. All I need is you.”

His words cause my lungs to stop functioning. I was so scared he would say he wanted kids. That they would complete him. That I wouldn’t be able to give him something he desperately wanted. It takes a long, long, moment for my brain to process his answer, for relief to replace the fear.

“Do you want kids, Ever? I’ll put a baby in you right now. If you don’t, I’ll call and make an appointment to get snipped. Just say the word.” I choke out a laugh at his offer. This man. He is so fucking perfect.

“I can’t have kids. At least, I don’t think I can.

Bryce and I tried for years but nothing ever came of it.

‘Unexplained infertility’, the doctors called it.

Neither of us seemed to want them badly enough to pursue the more invasive options, and Bryce wasn’t open to adoption.

” Dane’s eyes soften at my confession. He doesn’t speak; he just lets me get this one last secret off of my chest.

“I’m almost forty now, Dane. My eggs, if they’re viable, are considered geriatric in maternal fetal medicine. And honestly…I don’t know if I do want to be pregnant at this stage of my life. I’m finally figuring out who I am, and…I’m enjoying that. I’m enjoying the life I want to live.”

Dane shrugs and shoots me a lopsided grin. “Okay, so no babies then.” I can’t believe this conversation is going so smoothly. Surely he has to have some feelings on having kids.

“That’s it? You’re fine with not having your own biological child? You’re young. You still have plenty of time to live your life and decide to be a dad when you’re ready. I don’t want to take that from you.”

“I told you, Ever. You are all I need. If you can’t get pregnant or don’t want to get pregnant, that’s not a deal breaker for me.

If we decide down the road we would like kids, there’s always adoption or fostering.

Or we can raise a litter of food-stealing muppet dogs if we decide we don’t have enough chaos in our lives.

Please don’t feel like you are holding me back.

I haven’t ever seriously considered children as a possibility in my future.

It is something I’m willing to explore if and when you want to, but if it’s just me and you, I’m sure Uly will keep us on our toes. ”

I laugh at his joke, more tears dampening my cheeks as the weight of his conversation lifts from my shoulders.

I lean over the plate of the twice forgotten grilled cheese sandwiches and kiss Dane.

It’s a soft, languorous, unhurried kiss.

I kiss him like we have forever to look forward to. Because we do.

When I pull away, I finally say the words I’ve been holding back until I knew it would be safe to confess them. “I love you.”

“Fucking finally. God, Everly, do you know how long I’ve been dying to hear you say that? Fuck, I love you too.”

I laugh at his excitement as Dane tosses the plate of food onto the floor so he can pull me into his body.

He covers me with his naked hardness, settling between my legs.

I feel his erection, heavy and thick against my pussy, but he doesn’t move to enter me.

He just revels in kissing, caressing and whispering I love you into my skin as he worships every inch of me.

When we finally come together, it feels like the beginning of our forever.