Page 30 of Duress (Birch Falls #3)

EVERLY

T he problem with snooping through my husband’s office and work files for evidence of criminal activity is that I’m not exactly sure what I’m looking for, or what will be enough of a smoking gun to put him away.

Bryce has powerful friends who owe him favors.

It’s how he’s moved through life, elevating his status and position.

He does someone a favor—gets their son out of a DUI charge, makes a rape accusation go away, pleads down a potential career-ruining felony to a misdemeanor.

In turn, they introduce him to the governor or recommend him to a wealthy client, let him be the attorney on retainer for the millionaire owner of the local strip-mining company.

I’ve spent a lot of time this week reflecting on our life together, his career trajectory and his biggest cases.

I can’t believe I was so fucking oblivious to never notice how ruthless his ambition was.

Even that first Thanksgiving we spent together, when I had hearts in my eyes, excited to finally bring a boy home the Honorable Judge Strauss would approve of, he was using his charm to ingratiate himself to my dad.

Not just because he wanted to be with me. But because of what being in my father’s orbit could do for him and his career.

A fresh wave of bitter resentment makes my stomach flip, as I wonder if Bryce ever truly loved me.

For now, I force myself to believe that he did.

That at one point we truly were in love.

Because the thought that I gave the better part of two decades, the best years of my life, to a man who never really loved me is devastating in a way that can drive a person to self-harm.

And with nightmares of Jake plaguing me already, I don’t think I can handle that level of heartbreak.

So instead, I choose to think Bryce lost himself along the way.

Does it excuse him? No. But if he’s truly been horrible the entirety of our relationship, what does that say about me?

Wouldn’t that mean I’m complicit? Because I benefit from his cutthroat ambition?

Is this why I am trying to find something for Dane to use against him?

To prove I’m a better person? So when the truth about his father’s death inevitably comes out, I can pray this is enough to earn his forgiveness?

Thanks to the near constant state of moral crisis I’ve been in since losing my mind and sleeping with Dane, it wasn’t difficult to fake illness when Bryce asked me about the trip again.

I had spent the night fighting sleep and forcing myself to stay awake, hoping the exhaustion would make me look more like death in the morning.

My plan worked, and Bryce left this morning.

Now I have the next three days to search.

I’ve spent the last three hours combing through the files in his desk.

Many of them were old case files, from the early days of his career.

But there are a few newer ones as well. I don’t know why he would choose to hold on to some in his personal home office.

If there is a connecting thread or pattern for these cases, I don’t see it.

Getting frustrated with how little I understand about his job and how the sociopolitical machinations of Birch Falls works, I reluctantly come to the conclusion that I’ll need Dane’s help in finding the evidence that we need.

I had hoped I could do this without spending more time with him and falling further into this fucked up web of lies.

I keep telling myself it’s because I am protecting his heart for when he finds out the truth about his father’s death and that I knew.

That I don’t want him to hurt. But the truth is, I can’t stand the idea of seeing the look of betrayal in his eyes.

Not after the way he looked at me like I was the sunset, as we lay in bed together, basking in the morning sunrise.

Like I was precious and important to him.

I don’t deserve to have him look at me that way.

But, in order to get justice for Jake, I’m going to have to bring Dane in and risk breaking both of our hearts.