Page 28 of Duchess By Accident (The Matchmaker’s Scheme #5)

Chapter Twenty-Eight

“ I hate men!” Natalie exclaimed, shaking her fist at the gathering black clouds overhead.

The clouds answered with a crackle of thunder and Natalie scowled at them. She was in the gardens of Emberly castle on the second day since her argument with Adrian.

Every time she thought of him, her heart twisted itself into a knot. She wanted to scream, to rage, to cry. Her chest ached from sobbing, her eyes were constantly puffy. He probably does not even care that I am gone.

When she had first arrived, she had whipped her head around at any sound of a carriage or horse hooves. Each time, she had felt shame at her hope that it was Adrian and then anger that it was not.

“I wish we had never met.” A droplet of rain hit her arm, and she decided that it would be best to return to the castle.

“Stupid, pathetic Natalie. Falling for his charms. You knew, you knew he was not to be trusted.” She muttered the words over and over, hoping that with each repetition they would feel more true.

“The heart cannot help what it wants.” Alexander murmured from behind her.

She turned to face her brother. “I wish I did not have a heart. Then perhaps this would not hurt so much.”

Alexander gave her a sad, knowing look. “Heartbreak is the worst kind of grief. But it will heal.”

“It feels impossible.” Natalie leaned against her brother. “I am so angry and yet so sad. I miss Melody. I worry that she will think I hate her, even though I wrote her a note explaining that I had to leave and that I would send for her soon.”

“She is a child, and she knows you love her.” Alexander hugged her. “It is not just Melody you miss, is it?”

“I miss him. I hate that I miss him. I hate that even after all that he has done, I wish he was here.” Natalie shook her head. “When I wake up, I feel for him beside me, and my heart breaks a little that he is not there.”

Alexander nodded but said nothing. Natalie took a deep breath, swallowing the sob that threatened to erupt from her.

“I trusted him, Alexander. I thought he trusted me, but how can he have trusted me when he clearly did not even know me?”

“It is hard for me to say when I do not know the full story of what has happened between you.” He rubbed a hand along his jaw, his lips pursed in thought. “For my part, I do believe he cares for you a great deal. In honesty, I thought you two were a good match from the moment he entered the church. It is why I gave him my consent.”

“You are clearly not the matchmaker your mother-in-law is.” Natalie grumbled bitterly.

“Apparently not. But when we saw you last… You love him.” Alexander tilted his head towards her. “And I believe he loves you as well.”

“He does not know me, how can he love me?” Natalie gestured around them.

There was a flash of lightning as Alexander creased his brow. “How do you know that?”

She opened her mouth, and then closed it. A part of the reason she had not explained everything that had happened between her and Adrian, was that she had not known how to do so without revealing the truth about Melody.

She looked at Alexander, the man who had been like a father to her all her life.

He gave a sad smile, and squeezed her shoulder. “You do not have to tell me more than you wish, but you must learn to trust those around you, dear Natalie.”

“How can I when I seem to always put my trust in the wrong people?” She whispered.

“That is the risk we take. To trust is always a gamble.” Alexander shrugged. “It is the only one worth taking in my opinion.”

Natalie nodded. She was the one who had accused Adrian of being too scared to trust, knew how it had hurt her. And here she was doing it to her brother. But I cannot betray Melody to him.

She took a steadying breath. “I discovered a secret. I thought there were no secrets between us after London.”

“And that he kept this from you was what drove you to fight?” Alexander asked.

Natalie shook her head, the memory threatening to overwhelm her. “It was that he thought he needed to buy my silence. His keeping the secret hurt, but what broke me was him thinking I would betray him.”

Alexander said nothing for a moment, seeming to consider his words carefully. “When you are used to keeping people at arms length, it can be hard to let them in.”

“But he told me he would.” Natalie hated how petulant she sounded.

“We are only human, even with the best of intentions, it is hard to break years of habit. I was not always as open as I should have been, with any of you.” He gave her an apologetic look. “Rose was the one who broke me of that curse. But it was not easy, and there are still times when I catch myself slipping into my old ways.”

“What are you saying?” Natalie frowned.

“Just that we cannot always be perfect. I have no doubt that what he said was hurtful. Anyone who knows you should see your loyalty.” Alexander flexed his fingers. “But the fact is, if he truly did not trust you with this secret – he would not have let you leave.”

Natalie opened her mouth to say that she had not exactly given Adrian the choice, but the words died on her lips. He could have stopped me.

She knew the truth, logically she would be more of a risk away from him. But the things he had said... “None of this makes any sense.”

“These things seldom do.” There was another boom of thunder and Alexander looked towards the castle. “I should check on the children, Jonathan hates storms. See that you do not stay out here too much longer.”

“I will not.” Natalie smiled at her brother.

“Good.” He strode away, paused and called over his shoulder. “I know it seems dark now, but I promise, it will all work out as it is meant to.”

Natalie shook her head. When had her brother become such an optimist? She ambled through the garden, breathing in the smell of the air.

She had always loved the feel of things right before a storm. There was a wild energy that seemed to fill the space around her. It made her think of Adrian, the wildness in his eyes when he looked at her.

He let you leave. She wanted to think that meant something, wanted to believe her brother could be right. But how could he be? She cursed under her breath.

“I suppose it is a sign of something that he has not turned up unannounced to force my silence.” There was a crack of thunder overhead, which made her jump, and look up.

A familiar figure was standing at the entrance to Emberly Castle. Taller than everything else, his coat swaying in the wind, Adrian stood at the top of the steps leading into her home.

A droplet of rain hit her arm. And then another. The droplets came hard and fast, but she did not move. She was frozen. Speak of the devil.

An oddly hysterical urge to laugh ripped through her.

He took a step towards her, wincing at the rain.

“What are you doing here?” Natalie backed away, shouting to be heard above the clatter of the storm.

“I needed to talk to you, to speak to you. Duchess Emberly told me I would find you in the garden.” He yelled back, his words almost drowned out by the storm.

“I do not want to see you.” She roared back, the wind whipping at her face. “Leave me alone.”

“You will catch your death if you stay in this.” Adrian gesticulated at the sheets of rain driving themselves down on them.

She continued to back away. He does not trust me, that is why he is here. “I would rather that than listen to a word you have to say.”

“Just come inside. This is ridiculous.” Adrian moved towards her.

His step broke the spell. “No.”

Natalie turned and ran from him. Her emotions gave her speed. He was here. He had let her leave. But perhaps he regretted it. Her mind was a buzz of thoughts, each one clamouring to be heard above the others.

She heard him shout something after her, but she did not stop. She sprinted away from him, rain pelted her. She could not tell if it was tears or rain water that streamed down her face and she did not care.

There was another flash of lightning, and Natalie stumbled and fell. She was soaked through, pain lancing through her knee as she sat shivering. Her chest ached, her breath came in wracking heaves.

Adrian stood over her. His clothes were just as sodden as hers, his hair plastered to his face. His coat clung to him unmoved by the howling wind around them.

“Why will you not leave me alone?” Natalie tried to move away from him.

“How could I leave you alone when you ran into the middle of a storm? Have you taken leave of all your senses?” He yelled, even as he offered a hand to help her to her feet.

She ignored it, pushing herself to standing without his aid, her fingers slick with mud. “If you are here to drag me back to Blackwood so I do not reveal your secret… I will not go without a fight.”

“That is not why I am here.” He answered. “Please let us go inside, it is madness to stay out here.”

The wind was dying around them, but the rain still hammered them both. Natalie could scarcely feel her fingers or her toes, but she did not care.

“I would be mad if I went anywhere with you.” She hugged her arms around her, digging her fingers into her skin to stop herself from shaking.

Adrian shook his head throwing his hands up in frustration. “If you are determined to catch your death, so be it. I will catch mine with you.”

“Always with the melodrama!” She wiped the rivulets of rain from her face.

Adrian pointed at her with a finger. “I am not the one who ran from her spouse into a storm.”

“I am not the one who tried to pay his wife for a silence that never needed to be bought.” She closed the distance between them and prodded him hard in the chest. “I am not the one who accused me of being someone I am not.”

“I was a fool. I was not thinking clearly.” Adrian deflated, stepping away from her. “I know you would never betray me, I know that in my heart.”

Thunder boomed, less loud than before. Rain continued to pelt them but Natalie barely felt it.

She shook her head. “Words are all well and good, but your actions show me that you do not mean them. I will not be fooled again.”

“Damn it Natalie, you will be the death of me!” Adrian exclaimed. “I have spent the last eight years, building walls that you tore down the moment we met.”

His eyes met hers, wild as the storm had been moments before. Water trickled down his face and he shook his head as though trying to shake it off. Even in her anger, she felt a part of her trying to reach for him, to brush the hair out of his eyes.

“The moment you climbed through my window, you stole my heart. Even if I was too stupid to see it then.” Adrian ran a hand through his wet hair, spraying droplets behind him. “I told myself it was about Melody, but it was a lie.”

“What are you saying?” Natalie asked.

Her heart beat so hard that it felt as though it were trying to leap out of her chest.

“I love you, Natalie. Try as I might, I cannot help but love you. I should have told you all of the truth, should have told you in London but I was scared.” Adrian reached a hand towards her, dropped it and clenched his fist. “Melody is not mine. I love her as though she is, but that does not change things. She is my world, and I thought that if you knew the truth… I do not know what I thought, only that it terrified me.”

“I would never do anything to hurt her. And blood… There is more to being a father than blood. Melody is your child, in every way that matters. She is not mine, not by blood, but I will love her no less because of it.” Natalie clutched at her sodden dress.

“I never meant to hurt you. I wanted to trust you, but you were right. I was a coward.” Adrian shook his head.

“You broke my heart, Adrian. All I asked was that you let me in, I gave you my heart. I gave you my trust and you threw it in my face.” He let you leave. She forced her brother’s words from her mind.

“I have spent eight years fearing that someone would try and hurt my daughter. I became the devil duke to keep her safe, I thought fear would keep the wolves at bay, that if I was the scariest thing, I could not be scared.” Adrian sighed.

Natalie shook her head, shivering slightly. “That is not how fear works.”

“So I am learning. You showed me what my life could be, you asked me to be the version I had been before the betrayal. You brought colour back to my world.” His eyes danced as he said it, a flash of brilliant blue in the grey surrounding.

“You really hurt me.” Natalie’s heart twisted.

“I know.”

“And you have been an idiot.” She glared at him.

“I know.”

She balled her hands into fists. “And I am so furious with you.”

“I know.”

“How am I supposed to trust you?” she whispered. I want to trust you, goodness but I want to trust you.

She thought he would make some flippant joke, or tease her but instead he said, “I do not know. I will do whatever it takes to win back your trust, but for now, all I ask is for your forgiveness.”

“And what if that is all I can give?” She arched an eyebrow at him. “What if I forgive you, but choose to remain here?”

“Then it will have to be enough. I will not force you to come back.” He met her gaze. “I want you to choose me.”

Her breath caught, rain tickling her lips.

“I am choosing you.” Adrian continued. “I will always choose you. You are the only one that I want. You are the woman my heart beats for. There could never be anyone else. There will never be anyone else, no matter what you choose.”

She was frozen, rooted to the spot. She wanted to go to him, to tell him she forgave him, but she could still hear the echoes of their fight. You have to trust people. How could she?

“I am only asking you to forgive me.” Adrian took a deep breath. “I once told you that any man would prostrate himself before you to earn just a hint of your smile.”

“And I reminded you that you did not kneel.” Natalie frowned at him. What is he doing?

“For you, I will do anything.” Adrian knelt before her—not a suitor’s gallant gesture, with one knee raised, but on both knees as if in prayer. “If you ask me to throw myself at your feet, I will do it. Whatever it take to earn your forgiveness. I have no pride when it comes to you.”

He inclined his head, exposing his neck. She knew that it was not a temptation, that he was showing her that she could hurt him, and he trusted her not to.

The rain pattered between them and she said, “I do not want you to throw yourself at my feet.”

“What do you want?”

“I want you to love me.”

“I do.” His eyes were soft, a calm lake after a storm.She took a step towards him. “Then kiss me.”

His eyes widened and a tentative grin spread across his face. “Does that mean you forgive me?”

“Yes, but if you ever, ever do something so stupid again so help me-” her words were cut off by Adrian crushing her mouth with his.

He lifted her into the air, and Natalie felt as though she were the shore and he were a drowning man who had found his salvation. He kissed her with a ferocity that forced everything else from her mind.

The rain, the wind, it all vanished beneath the feel of his lips on hers. When they broke apart, they were both breathing heavily.

“Let’s go home.” Natalie murmured.

“Your wish is my command.” He swept her into his arms, and carried her towards the castle. “But only once you are warm and dry.”

“I suppose I can wait.” Natalie smiled. “For you.”

“I love you.” He kissed her again.

“I know.” She laughed, and buried her face in his neck. “I love you too.”

The sound of his laughter filled the air, his chest vibrating with the sound as she leaned against him. The rain stopped. She was home.