Page 27 of Duchess By Accident (The Matchmaker’s Scheme #5)

Chapter Twenty-Seven

“ I thought I could trust you.” Natalie’s voice echoed in the air around him. “All you had to do was tell me.”

Adrian whirled around. His heart beat wildly as he squinted, desperately trying to make out shapes through the fog that surrounded him. “Natalie? Where are you?”

“You lied to me.” The voice boomed out around him.

Adrian spotted a figure in the distance and moved towards it, his hand reaching for the shadow. “I never lied to you. Please, come back. Let us talk about this.”

It vanished, leaving him clutching only mist. Beads of sweat trickled down his face. His legs felt heavy. He had to find Natalie

“I trusted you.” The voice boomed out. “All you had to do was tell me!”

Adrian tried to open his mouth, but the words would not come out. He raised a hand to his lips, and found them sealed shut. Breathing. He had to breathe.

Natalie appeared before him, eyes full of hurt and anger. “Goodbye, Adrian.”

“Natalie!” His eyes flew open, and he tumbled from his chair, landing in a crumpled heap on the floor.

Sunlight streamed through the windows as lark song filled the air. His clothes clung to him, slick with sweat. He blinked around, confused. Why am I in my study?

His neck and back ached, in addition to the bruises now forming on his knees. He shook his head, his thoughts moving sluggishly. He tried to slip into the library in his mind, but all he could smell was Natalie’s perfume. Her voice echoing around him.

“Natalie.” He pulled himself up and ran to her room.

He flung the door open. The bed was made, the cupboard doors open and empty. There were no powders on the dressing table, no bottles of perfume.

“She is gone.” Adrian moved towards the bed, his voice breaking as he sat on it, stroking the side she favoured when she slept.

He pulled a pillow to him, breathing deeply. The smell of her still lingered, that comforting lemon and bergamot scent. Every part of him ached, and he knew it was not just from sleeping in an armchair.

He had not been able to face returning to his room, to a bed that smelled of her. He could not bear it. And so he had slept in his study.

“It is better this way.” Adrian’s words rang as hollow as a tunnel. “It will be better this way.”

Her pained expression swam before his mind, the anger and the hurt. How little you must think of me. The words cut him deeper than the sharpest dagger. I would never have told anyone. I will never tell anyone. But I will never trust you, not now.

“Father? Why are you holding Mother’s pillow?” Melody’s voice brought him back to the present.

She was standing in the doorway, clutching a doll to her chest as she looked at him with her blue eyes. Adrian straightened, trying to pull himself together. She does not need to see me like this.

“I… What are you doing here?” Adrian swallowed, the lump in his throat making his voice a croak.

“I was looking for Mother.” Melody glanced around the room as though she expected Natalie to be hiding somewhere.

How I wish that were true. Adrian straightened, but could not quite bring himself to stand up and release the pillow. “I am afraid she is not here. She has gone to Emberly Castle.”

Melody rushed towards him, her eyes wide with excitement. “Has she gone to get me a puppy?”

“No. She… I do not think she will be coming back.” Adrian forced the words out. I might as well get this over with, better she feels the pain now than hope her stepmother will return.

“Why?” Melody frowned.

“We had an argument.” Adrian dug his fingers into the bed, steadying himself as his head swam. “And she left.” She is gone.

His daughter made a dismissive gesture with her hand. “Well, I am sure she will be back, Nanny says that space can be good after an argument. And she loves you and you love her, so everything will be fine.”

“I am afraid it is not that simple.” He needed her to understand.

Melody tugged at the hair of her doll, her brow creased. “Why not? You do love her, don’t you?”

“I do.” Adrian felt his heart stutter as though pierced like a dagger. Not that it matters.

“And she loves you.” Melody tilted her head towards him.

“I believe so.” There can be no love without trust. Natalie’s words filled him.

Melody nodded as though satisfied with this answer. “And you enjoy having her live with us?”

“Yes.”

His daughter gently patted his leg and gave him a reassuring smile that broke his heart. “Then it is simple. An argument should not keep two people who love each other apart.”

“It was quite a large argument. I am not sure that love will be enough to fix things between us.” Adrian swallowed. I should never have given into this in the first place. “Perhaps it would have been better if we were not in love. Love seems rather more trouble than it is worth.”

“What a silly thing to say! You love me – is that too much trouble?” Melody put her hands on her hips, her eyes narrowed.

Adrian massaged his neck, the knot in it seeming to solidify rather than abate as he did it. I am too old to be sleeping in chairs. “Of course not, but you are my daughter. And my love for Natalie, well… It is a different kind of love.”

“I know that, but it is still love. And love is what brings colour to the world.” Melody shrugged.

He canted his head towards his daughter. “Is that what Nanny Green told you?”

“That is what Daphne says. And I think she is right.” Melody gave him a surveying look, so like his own that it was easy to forget that she was not his child by blood. “You are more colourful with Mother around and I like it.”

“I can still wear bright colours if you Mother is not here.” Adrian pointed out.

His daughter looked at him as though he had suggested that the sky was purple rather than blue. “It is not about what you wear, silly! It is about what you are like! You are brighter and smiley and altogether more colourful.”

Adrian said nothing. He had not realised just how much attention his daughter paid to his mood. In truth, he had not realised just how right she was. I have been a complete and utter fool.

“Natalie does make things rather more colourful. But I managed before, I will just have to manage again.” Adrian rolled out his shoulders. “Grey is a rather inoffensive colour.”

“Grey is a boring colour. No one likes grey.” Melody shook her head. “Do you really want to go back to grey?”

“No.” Adrian whispered.

Something inside him broke, and he felt a wave of despair wash over him. The colour had vanished, and he had no idea how to get it back.

“But it does not matter what I want. She is gone, and there is nothing I can do about it.” His voice broke.

“I think this is why Nanny says men are not very clever with emotions.” Melody gave him a look full of sympathy and then brightened. “But that is quite all right because I am here to help you Father!”

Adrian smiled wryly. “I am not sure you can help me.”

“We shall see about that.” Melody clambered up onto the bed beside him, studying his face intently. “You do want mother to come back, do you not?”

“Yes.” He wanted to explain that it did not matter what he wanted, because she did not want to come back, but the words only sounded like Natalie’s voice in his head and he could not get them past his lips.

“Good, because I do too. You are much more fun when she is here. And I like having a mother. She smells nice and makes me laugh.” Melody wriggled on the bed, clearly trying to get more comfortable as she looked back up at him.

Adrian did not trust himself to speak, so instead he listened nodded his agreement.

“Let me look in my mind library. Like you taught me. I am sure there is something that can help. ” Melody furrowed her brow, tapping her fingers against her temples and mouthing to herself as she did.

His heart swelled as his daughter looked at him full of pride, or at least the pieces of it did. She beamed at him and put her little hand over his, her fingers only just managing to clasp onto two of his.

“When we argue with people we love, it is important we apologise. Have you tried apologising?” Melody canted her head towards him.

“I am not sure she would believe me, even if I did.” Adrian could remember the look of betrayal on her face. I broke her trust.

Melody threw up her hands in exasperation, as though she were dealing with a particularly slow-witted student. “That is why you have to make her believe you! Apologies are more than just words. They are your actions. Anyone can say ‘I am sorry’. You have to show her that you are, that is what Nanny always tells me.”

Adrian gaped at his daughter. Her words hit him like a slap in the face. Show her. Natalie had said she did not trust him. She had said he could say anything he liked, but his actions told a different story. How does my eight year old know more about the ways of the world than I do?

“It is okay that you do not know how to apologise Father, Nanny says men are taught as boys but they forget when they grow old.” Melody gave his forearm a reassuring pat. “It is lucky you have me really.”

“It truly is.” Adrian ran a hand through his hair.

“The other thing with apologies, is that you are not trying to convince someone to do what you want. You are trying to earn their forgiveness.” Melody explained. “That is also how you show that you mean it. Because if you are apologising just because you want them to do something, people tend to see through it. Like when Arthur apologised to Daphne because he wanted to sit in the best seat and Daphne refused to accept it because she knew he just wanted to get his way.”

Melody tapped a finger on her lips. “People do not like to be controlled and the more you control them, the angrier they get.”

“You really are rather wise, my Little One.” Adrian held his arms open, and Melody allowed herself to be scooped into a hug. “I would be utterly lost without you.”

“I know.” Melody gave him a cheeky grin as she disentangled herself from him and began to walk towards the door. “I think I shall call my puppy Shadow.”

“What puppy?” Adrian stood to follow her, arching an eyebrow at his daughter.

“The puppy you will bring back with you when you bring mother back.” She said as though she were explaining the most painfully obvious thing in the world. “Daphne told me there was a black one, and I think that is the one I would like.”

“You told me that apologies were not about what I want.” Adrian pointed out. “I will earn her forgiveness, but that she may not wish to return.”

And I will not force it. Natalie had asked him to trust her, and he had failed her once. She was the woman he wanted, the one who had stolen his heart. He had tried to control everything around him, told himself that keeping secrets would keep his daughter safe. But he had been wrong.

“They are not. But if mother forgives you, then obviously she will come back with you.” Melody rolled her eyes.

“I just want you to be prepared for the fact that she may not return.” Adrian gave his daughter a serious look. “A life without her seems awful, but I will not force her to do something she has no wish to do. Her forgiveness is more important to me than her presence.”

“I understand. But at least I will have a puppy to console me.” Melody laughed. “Besides, Mother loves me too. And I think she would miss me too much to stay away for long.”

“You really are my daughter.” Adrian chuckled and ruffled her hair affectionately. Blood relation or no, you are mine through and through.

“Of course I am! You are really rather silly. Now go and get my Mother and puppy!” Melody hugged him again, and then scampered away.

Adrian watched her go, feeling a fire spreading through his body. He knew what he had to do.